


Professor X

by inkedbones



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A litte bit, Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, But later in the story, Changed ages, Clubbing, Coming Out, Doctor Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Drugs, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit in many ways, F/F, First Times, Fluff and Smut, How Do I Tag, Illegal Activities, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope-centric, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Professor Min Yoongi | Suga, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Side Relationships - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Triggers, Unhealthy Relationships, University Student Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, eventual yoonseok, other characters are minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-06 22:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14657937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedbones/pseuds/inkedbones
Summary: Hoseok can't stand one lecture. Professor Min's lecture. He also (kinda, but not really) can't stand his professor. One day, however, he learns something new about Mr Min.





	1. It's Not A Party Without Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Jay Park's song title.

 

Sometimes Hoseok hates his mathematics professor. Why on earth must he have maths lectures if he's studying literature?! And why must Professor Min always ask him for the answer. Hoseok despised the subject and all those stupid tasks to find the damn x. He doesn't want the x. He also might hold the grudge because when he started university was when his ex dumped him. But he's totally over it. Soju and going to the club with his friends made it much better. It was Hoseok's fourth year in uni, Jimin was a year behind him and he was studying psychology and Jeongguk has started dancing this year.

 

Back to professor X, as Hoseok called him around his friends, he was a dick and for sure enjoyed seeing others suffer. He especially enjoyed taunting Hoseok. That's why he would mostly bother the annoyed student. And when Hoseok wouldn't get the answer right professor's face would turn into that dumbass grimace. The shit-eating grin. Or how he would lean against the desk all smug when he knew no one could possibly answer that obnoxious question. The man wasn't that much older than Hoseok though, only ten years. And he was saying how stupid the younger generations seem to be. He thought he was the smartest, most clever and brilliant human. Fucking Rick Sanchez, excluding the drinking problem. Probably. He seemed bored most of the time, but Hoseok knew just how much that guy loved the struggle and frustration that the students went through. That thought most likely is what gets his dick hard at lonely nights. Well- no- Hoseok has never thought about his professor jacking off. That would be weird. Even if he was handsome. No. It's weird. And he's a dick.

 

 

 

After a lecture where they discussed the most influential authors Hoseok met up with his friend who is in finances. They met up for lunch before their next lectures.

 

"I'm telling you, Namjoon, he's sadistic." He complained while eating his meal. "He loves to watch me suffer. I don't know his fucking answers."

 

Namjoon chuckled. "I'm sure you're just overreacting, hyung. I've heard he's strict, but fair."

 

"You heard, but you're not in his classes. Ugh! I can't take it- Namjoon! Are you even listening to me?"

 

"What? Oh, yeah." He shrugged apologetically returning his gaze.

 

Hoseok looked behind him and it all became clear. " _Oh..._ Just ask him on a date."

 

"No. He's the hottest guy here. Probably the whole Korea if not the world."

 

"Flash him one of your dimply smiles. I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

 

"I can't." The younger protested.

 

"Alright." Hoseok turned around. "Seokjin hyung, come sit down here." He waved at other student who smiled softly. Namjoon was freaking out and cursing as Hoseok snickered mischievously.

 

The other guy walked over and sat down next to the literature student. "Hey, guys, what's up?"

 

"Enjoying the food while complaining about my next lecture."

 

"Oh, with professor X?"

 

"Yup." Hoseok took a deep sigh.

 

"How about you? Namjoon, right?"

 

The youngest gulped trying to hide his faint fluster. Seokjin actually knew his name! "Um yeah... I'm just-" he cleared his throat. "Listening to the whines."

 

The film and media student laughed and Namjoon's stomach flipped ten times from the magnificent sound. Something Hoseok would call a weird windshield noise, but for the other it was brilliant music. "He can get whiny alright."

 

"Hey!" He pouted. "Anyways, you boys keep chatting and getting to know each other. I need to go across the campus so I should go. See ya." He winked at Namjoon for encouragement and waved walking away. He didn't necessarily need to leave this early, but he knew how much Namjoon liked Seokjin. He would barely shut up about his crush.

 

 

 

The majority of the lecture went without Hoseok being called. Now, at the end of it, the young guy was drifting off and unknowingly licked his lips admiring how professor Min had the top two buttons undone of his white dress shirt that was neatly tucked into his navy slacks. The black hair barely covering his brown eyes. The light hand movements when the hands seemed so strong-

 

"Mr Jung?" Hoseok jumped in his seat when the low voice brought him back. "Do you know the answer?"

 

"I.. Um- no."

 

"Were you even listening to what I was saying or were you daydreaming as you often do?"

 

"I'm sorry-" he was stopped when the professor raised his hand to show silence.

 

"There was no answer needed. Clearly you have no idea what I was talking about. Okay." He turned at everyone. "You can all go. Technically we still have fifteen minutes, but it will do for today." People cheered chanting a 'thank you' and left the room. Professor went to his desk and sat down.

 

By the door Hoseok stopped and turned around to see the older man, now with glasses, quietly reading a paper. Perhaps grading a paper. Besides them no one was there. Hoseok took in a deep breath and walked over to professor's desk. "Why?"

 

"Why what?" The not bothered voice asked and eyes stayed where they were before.

 

"Why me? Always me. You know I don't know the answers, professor."

 

"Well," he raised his head and took off the glasses casually, but still held them in his hand. "If you would spend more time listening then trying to see my collarbones perhaps you would actually learn something." Hoseok chocked on air hearing such words and blushed embarrassingly. How and why did the man knew? "What? You think I don't see your stare?" That smirk!

 

"I- I was not-"

 

"Save it, Mr Jung. Do you want something from me or not?"

 

"No. I'm sorry to bother you." He bowed and rushed out of the auditorium.

 

 

 

 

 

For the next few weeks Hoseok tried his best to pay as much attention as he humanly could and even managed to raise his grade up.

 

 

After a lecture professor Min called him up. He was leaning against his desk with crossed arms and Hoseok went up to him and other students left.

 

"Yes, professor Min?" He asked nervously. He was momentarily looking at the skin peaking out, but he definitely was paying attention.

 

"Good work." He chuckled seeing the confused expression. "I wasn't sure you could have actually focused." Was that a compliment? "Anyway, I shouldn't keep you. It's late." That was true. It was a late lecture. That also ment that Hoseok wasn't thinking as straight anymore. He took a step closer to the older one, who stayed still. "Can I help you with anything?"

 

"Depends."

 

"On what?" He straightened his back automatically getting closer to the younger.

 

"How many buttons of this shirt do you like undone." He wasn't sure what he was saying. He hadn't had sex in a long time and his professor was actually really hot. But he didn't have a crush on him. Of cause not.

 

"Depends."

 

"On what?"

 

"Who I'm with." Was he flirting? Oh holy spirit! "How do _you_ like it?" He asked placing his hands on Hoseok's hip gently and tugging him closer.

 

"I don't really like shirts at all." He put his hands on professor's chest. "I think they are always in the way." He moved his face even  closer until he could practically taste the other's breath.

 

"Yeah?" He smiled at a nod. "Too bad there's a dress code."

 

"It sucks."

 

"There are better things that would involve sucking." His voice sounded so husky and seductive. Almost taunting.

 

"Really? Should we try something out?" Hoseok purred and he was leaning in and-

 

 

He almost fell out of his bed from the obnoxiously loud alarm clock. He rubbed his eyes. Fuck, did he just have a dream about dirty talking to his professor? Damn... He needs a quick fuck to- oh shit... He looked down and noticed his raging boner. He doesn't have the time to jack off. He'll be late for his least favourite lecture which just so happens to be his only one that day. And so fucking early. Whatever. He'll just quickly...

 

 

He was ten minutes late, but did his best nonetheless. The last question of the lecture. And, of cause, who would the handsome asshole ask? "Mr Jung."

 

"Um... Sixty nine."

 

"Correct." Hoseok could have swore he saw something glisten in the superior's eyes. And was that a hidden grin? No, the student must be seeing things. "Nice of you to pay attention. Alright, get out everyone. I'm done teaching you today." He had a unique sense of humor and him telling people to get lost is part of it. All knew and were not mad. The others actually appreciated a lecturer like this. He could make this more fun.

 

 

 

 

 

In the weekend Hoseok wanted to go to a club he heard of, but he has also heard that drug use happens there at times. Namjoon would not have agreed to it so he went alone and without informing the younger. Plus, Namjoon and Seokjin were on a date. Who knew how much they were planning to do?

 

Hoseok reached the place and heard it a kilometer away. Once he entered the building he felt like he's inside a loud kaleidoscope. That was kind of fun. So many colours shining to the up beat music. He danced his way towards the (overpriced) drinks. After he finished one glass he went back to the dancefloor. An hour or more later he sat down by the bar to take a small rest. A guy, older than Hoseok give or take by twenty years, with tattoos walked up to him. "Hey, wanna hang out with some of us in a more quiet room. We have some good stuff." Hoseok knew he should decline the offer, but he was tipsy from the decently strong beverage he had earlier, so he nodded and followed the stranger. "By the way, I'm Vasco."

 

"I'm Hoseok." The student smiled as he was guided to a room that was down the stairs, where even the sound of the music was faint. When the door opened the first think Hoseok saw was smoke and then he noticed the shapes of bodies there.

 

"We have a new bird in our nest." Vasco announced.

 

A guy on the couch looked up and his face was painted with a catlike grimace. Hoseok held in a gasp of shock. "Hoseok." The man purred.

 

"Professor Min?" The older winked at him and the younger just blushed.

 

"Oh, you know each other. Great. Go sit down next to him then, okay?" Hoseok did as offered. "Guys and miss, please introduce yourselves."

 

"I'm Jessi. The best rapper out of all the little bitches." The curvy and tan lady with tattoos and died blonde hair smiled.

 

"You're still underground with me." Vasco reminded her and she gazed at him threateningly. "But she actually is though.

 

"I'm Jay. I'm Vasco's son and I'm back from collage from USA." The male also with tattoos and most likely younger than Hoseok said (slightly high).

 

"I'm Eric. For the most part I serve drinks because I smoke the least."

 

"I'm Heechul. And I'm just here to sell the product. But sometimes I stay for awhile. Like today."

 

"And I'm Changkyun. I come here because looking for a job is stressful and my boyfriend doesn't allow me to do this back home."

 

"Because Jooheon knows it's illegal and he doesn't want you to go to jail." He faced Hoseok. "You know me. I'm your professor." The man smirked. And now Hoseok noticed what was he holding. A joint! Oh... Namjoon would never approve of this criminal activity.

 

"Yeah... And I- I'm Hoseok, a literature student, by the way."

 

"Have you ever smoked weed before?" Hoseok eyes widened hearing his superior asking him this. So that's the _good stuff_. Min chuckled. "Clearly not. You want to?" There was silence. "Don't worry. We won't force you. You are free to choose what you want. There's only one rule: don't speak of this specific activity outside this room."

 

"I won't. I swear."

 

"Good boy, Seok-Seok." Did his professor just give him a nickname? What the fuck? Was this another dream? "So you wanna try?"

 

"I'm not sure how, prof-"

 

"First, it's Yoongi. Secondly, we can teach you how."

 

"Okay, ... Yoongi hyung."

 

While the professor was teaching his student Jessi turned and Eric. "Hey, oppa, you mind getting us some drinks."

 

"Okay." He stood up. "Hoseok, do you want the same as earlier?"

 

"How do you know what I drank prior?"

 

"I observe. So the same?" After a nod he was ready to leave.

 

"Eric hyung, none for me. I'm driving." Jay mentioned.

 

 

 

Soon Hoseok knew how to properly inhale and as the smoke invaded his system he could finally silence the scolding from Namjoon in his head. "Is that why you're so chill during our lectures?"

 

Yoongi laughed quietly. "Probably. I only do it here though. I'm not trying to get caught and fired."

 

"Would I get expelled if the principal would find out?"

 

"Most likely."

 

"Shit. Namjoon wouldn't let me hear the end of it."

 

"Who's Namjoon?"

 

"He's my friend."

 

"Is it the guy you eat lunch with?"

 

"Yeah..." How does the man know who he eats with?!

 

"Don't interrogate him, _sugar_." Vasco walked up and and sat down on Yoongi's lap. He inhaled some from the joint and collided their lips.

 

"Not in front of Jay, hyung." Yoongi purred feeling soft lips on his neck as the two hands began undoing his shirt halfway.

 

"Don't mind them, they make out for awhile and then they're done." Jessi commented and sipped on her drink (looking like a queen even in this atmosphere).

 

"I'll try, noona. But it's not my usual setting."

 

"What is your usual setting?"

 

"I don't know... Legal. And not seeing my superior making out with someone."

 

She laughed. "You're adorable. Too bad I have a girlfriend. I'd try my luck. Well, not necessarily bad. Hyuna is a treasure."

 

"So... This is a bohemian setting?" Hoseok asked. "Everyone drinks and smokes whatever they want and no discrimination about sexuality and gender?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I like it. I mean, I have supportive friends and family, but I would often be too scared to say I'm queer."

 

"You're safe here to express yourself." She assured him with a warm smile.

 

 

 

 

After hours Hoseok heard his phone ring. He looked at the screen for awhile until he realised Jeongguk was calling him. "Hello?"

 

"Hey, is there a chance you could come over?"

 

"Um... Why?"

 

"I need your help. I have to present the choreography next week. The one I've talked about. But there is something off about it. I want you to help me out with it. Perhaps correct a few moves. Please."

 

He could basically hear the bunny grin. "Yeah okay." He hung up. "Hey, so I gotta run. My friend needs some help."

 

"Where do you need to go? I could give you a ride."

 

"Won't I be a bother? And can you drive after smoking weed?"

 

"I didn't smoke that much."

 

"Okay, thanks."

 

"See you in class on Monday, Seok-Seok." Yoongi said and exhaled a puff.

 

"See you, Yoongi hyung. And possibly all of you some time."

 

"You better come back." Jessi winked.

 

 

 

Hoseok and Jay talked on the car about random student things and how it is different in Korea and America. Before Hoseok went to Jeongguk's house he and Jay exchanged numbers. Then he went to meet his younger friend, who did live with his parents. But they were both on business trips. After a shot conversation Jeongguk noticed something was off. "Hyung, did you drink tonight?"

 

"Yeah, but don't worry. I can still manage to dance like a pro."

 

"Alright. If you say so."

 

 

-

 

 

Monday.

 

He was having lunch with Namjoon and Seokjin. Who were not dating officially, especially since admitting you're in a gay relationship wouldn't be too safe and because they only been on one _official_ date. Hoseok was uncharacteristically quiet and he wasn't paying attention to what the two were talking about. He barely even touched his own food.

 

"Hobi hyung." Hoseok turned his head at Namjoon startled. "What's up with you today?"

 

"Nothing... Math... You know. Don't want it." Perhaps a bit. Yet at the same time he wanted to never look Mr Min in the eyes again.

 

"You won't have it after this year. Just get through this. And if you ever need any help-"

 

"I know, I know. Thanks." Hoseok looked at his phone. "Fuck. I have five minutes." He grabbed the sandwich. "See ya." He ran away to not be late. He reached the place all winded, but right on time. He bowed awkwardly to the professor and sat down. Not even ten minutes in and the older man decided to ask Hoseok for an answer for an equation. "Umm... 420?" _420_... Really?

 

"You might be able to to raise your grade up to a B if you keep this up, Mr Jung." Professor Min praised.

 

 

 

 

 

On a late Saturday  noon Hoseok was walking in the park, just enjoying the little bit of green in the busy city. A man, a bit shorter than him, walked up to him and went along side him. "Hey, Mr Jung. Nice to run into you."

 

"Professor Min, hello." Hoseok bowed.

 

"Whatcha doing later today?"

 

"I... I don't know."

 

"Would you like to come back?" He asked without any eye contact.

 

"Yeah... But... Can I really?"

 

"Of cause. Everyone likes you."

 

"Do you like me too?" He bit into his lower lip in hesitation and because the older had four top buttons undone.

 

The shorter man gazed up at him at last. "Yeah. You're fun."

 

"Great. I really enjoyed the company as well. It's incredibly accepting and cool."

 

"Maybe... You'd want to go now? I could drive you."

 

"Won't it be too early?"

 

"No."

 

"Alright." He followed the older to the car while questioning his own decisions. Mr Min opened the door for him, making the younger feel flustered. Before sitting down himself he looked around to make sure no one saw him. Not only was smoking weed illegal, but they might have also been suspected to have a student-teacher relationship. That would be a lot of trouble for both of them. On the way they didn't talk too much. Just occasional questions on how are the other lectures going.

 

 

 

 

Once at the place, Mr Min showed a way from the back. They went down a set of stairs and reached the room. In the room Vasco was on the sofa reading some papers and Jay was playing darts. The younger saw them. "Hey!" He exclaimed. "Hyungs!"

 

"Hey, boys." Vasco smiled. "Great to see you again." He stood up and walked up to the two. He shook Hoseok's hand and then kissed the other man. "Why didn't you answer my texts, baby boy?"

 

"I was driving. And stop calling me that. You know you won't make me call you Daddy." He answered with crossed arms and staring up unfazed by the chuckle that followed.

 

"I bet I could make you say it."

 

"Please, don't!" Jay said and took Hoseok by the hand and pulled him to the sofa. "Isn't it weird seeing your professor like this?" Hoseok's jaw fell ajar.

 

"Answer him." Yoongi said with a wide grin plastered across his face and leaning against the wall his head slightly tilted. "Everyone's honest here. Even if it hurts, truth must be told."

 

"Well... Yeah... It's weird. I'm used to seeing a composed and almost cold professor Min, not a man who illegally smokes weed and refuses to his boyfriend's potential Daddy kink." The three other laughed.

 

"Why would you say I'm cold?" Yoongi pouted in pretend to look hurt.

 

"You pick on me!"

 

"No I don't." Yoongi walked closer. "I'm trying to make you use your potential. You often end up daydreaming instead of focusing on the work you could do very good. At times your test results are excellent. What happens?"

 

Hoseok was blushing by now. He wasn't going to tell him he was thinking about those lips and eyes, collarbones. "I just... I don't know, I just get distracted by my own thoughts. I guess. Especially if I don't hear an important sentence then I'm lost and completely loose interest."

 

"If you need help you can ask me you know. You're a student, you're not meant to remember absolutely everything."

 

"I suppose. I try to pay attention. I really do. And I work at home. I ask my genius friend." He promised the man standing.

 

"I trust you. But is your friend a professor?" Hoseok shook his head. "Yeah, so don't forget that he won't know everything. If you find it easy to work with him, then that's great, but if you are ever struggling, don't forget that I've studied all that for years and graduated best in my class."

 

"Okay." Hoseok noticed an odd look in Vasco's eyes.

 

"Alright, we don't need to discuss this right now. Relax, Seok." He patted him on the shoulder and went over to Vasco. He snickered seeing the older's mouth in a thin line. "Is someone jealous?" He asked as he ran his hand through the other's hair and looked up through his lashes seductively. Letting his hip press against Vasco's 

 

"No. You're mine, sugar." With a hand on the back of Yoongi's neck he pulled him closer for a powerful kiss.

 

"Fuck. You're always so damn dominant. Well... Not necessarily _always_." A huge gummy grin shined as Vasco slapped his butt.

 

"Naughty boy." He bit into Yoongi's lower lip and the younger moaned lightly. "Speaking such things in front of my son and your student."

 

"Look at what the fuck you're doing, hyung."

 

"I apologise for this." Jay said with a half smirk. "That happens. Anyways, how did the test went on Thursday? Do you know the result?"

 

"Not yet. But I'm confident in my work." Hoseok answered. "I studied really hard. Also, this is my easiest and favourite subject. I absolutely adore ancient literature of any kind."

 

"That's awesome. I slack off at times." Jay scratched behind his ear  awkwardly. "America is fun to explore."

 

 

 

 

Later, other people showed up. Eric, Changkyun, Jessi (wearing grey sweatpants and a sport's bra) and her girlfriend Hyuna (in a white sundress), who owns a bakery, Wonshik, who's a DJ in the club and a rapper, he has come to come down from his adrenaline high. The door opened and one of the most beautiful people Hoseok has ever seen in his life walked in. The person had soft features, round eyes, pink hair and was wearing a silk shirt tucked into a black knee high skirt, black shiny shoes. Some jewelry complimented the outfit along side a leather handbag. Everyone greeted the new person cheerfully and a warm small smile grew on the face. "Hey, everyone." Even the voice was magical. Hoseok felt like he was hypnotised. Under the spell due to that individual. "Heechul hyung got sick and couldn't come." He took something out of his bag and handed it to Vasco. "This is what he promised."

 

"Thanks, Minki." Vasco accepted the package. "How is he feeling?"

 

"He's alright. It's just a cold."

 

"Well, give him our best."

 

"For sure, hyung." The younger assured.

 

"Are you staying?" Jay asked.

 

"Sure. I see someone knew and I want meet him." He walked up to the couch. "Hi, I am Minki, you must be Hoseok."

 

"Hello. I am. Nice to meet you."

 

"The pleasure is mine." He sat down next to the still astonished Hoseok.

 

"How do you know me? Have we ever met?"

 

He chuckled lightly. "No, my boyfriend said he met some adorable named Hoseok at the club. And you're the most adorable here." He laughed at Hoseok's fluster.

 

"Wait... You mean Heechul hyung?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Lucky guy." Hoseok smiled seeing that he managed to make Minki snicker.

 

 

 

 

 

After a couple of hours, without consuming alcohol or weed, Minki was ready to leave to take care of his boyfriend. "Oh, Hoseok." He took out brochure. "If you're interested, I have a show on Wednesday with my students."

 

"Thanks, hyung. I'll make sure to clear out my schedule that day."

 

 

 

 

 

Some time later Jay had the brilliant idea to play spin the bottle. By their rules, the person, who spins the bottle inhales some smoke and exhales in the other's mouth as their lips gently touch. Changkyun said he'll play some darts as he never plays these games if Jooheon is not there. Wonshik decided to challenge Changkyun to a duel. That of cause ended up in then thinking of a dare for the loser. And as the DJ was walking away, Hoseok noticed that Wonshik had a great ass. Simply exceptional, but he was not going to stare at all the hot and beautiful people. He was more mature than that. "Alright, there's one rule I tend to follow, me and my father don't count if it lands like that, I'm sure you get why, anyway, you're new to our group therefore you go first, Hoseok hyung."

 

"Okay." Hoseok spun the bottle and he was feeling dizzy seeing it. No one's a bad outcome, yet it was still worrying. As it slowed down Hoseok sucked in a heavy breath. Eventually it landed on Jay.

 

"Yes!" The male cheered. "I wanted this since I first laid eyes on you." Hoseok gave him a confused _huh?_ "What? You're hot. Now c'mon." He winked.

 

"Like father like son." Jessi commented shaking her head.

 

Hoseok did as he has agreed to. He inhaled from his joint, which he has chipped in on, hence he realised that he'd come back every weekend if he could, leaned closer to Jay, who has sat down next to Hoseok after Minki left, and in a tender touch caught Jay's lips and exhaled. Jay, being the sneaky one he is, pressed against Hoseok's mouth harder, to which the older smirked. "Was that anything like what you wanted?

 

"Woah... I am not disappointed." Jay wiggled his eyebrows. "Maybe there are more things you're better at then I think." Hoseok just laughed at Jay's cockiness. "Alright, perhaps I'll find out some other time. Now it's my turn. Jessi... I always wondered."

 

"After two years." She smiled and let Jay do his mission. Then she spun the bottle. It landed on Hyuna. "My baby girl." It was a bit more than a peck as her hand was on Hyuna's, who was on her lap, thigh.

 

Then Hyuna got Eric, he got Vasco, Vasco - Jessi, Jessi - Hoseok, Hoseok - Hyuna, Hyuna - Yoongi, Yoongi - Jay (slightly awkward, but they were high), Jay - Eric, Eric - Vasco (again), Vasco got Yoongi. That was a bit more steamy than it should have been, but no one was surprised. Unless Hoseok was still over thinking the fact that that man was his professor. What did surprise him was when Yoongi got him. "This is as illegal as it gets." Yoongi chuckled and leaned closer to Hoseok after inhaling. He noticed Hoseok's tense frame so he placed his hands on his shoulders to lightly knead then, calming Hoseok down. And- he pressed his lips against Hoseok's. The younger felt a haze in his heavy mind, not only from the weed, but also from the taste of the older. He felt Yoongi lean more and actually _kiss_ him. He noticed that it was Vasco's hand pushing Yoongi, who didn't resist. After what seemed like forever Yoongi backed away with a cat like grin and turned at his partner. "A little voyeurism kink, eh? You'll want to see someone else fuck me next or something?" He raised a brown.

 

"I don't think I want to share that job." He showed that off by placing his hand on Yoongi's inner thigh.

 

Then they continued. As Changkyun whined in the backround after loosing the first round.

 

 

That night (or early morning) Hoseok couldn't get the memories of the game out of his head.

 

 

-

 

 

Hoseok dragged his friends Jeongguk and Jimin to see Minki's performance with him. He knew they'll apprentice it the most. They went into the hall. The curtains were down as they were looking for seats. Hoseok noticed Yoongi sitting next to Vasco. And the other's close to them. Specifically next to them were Jessi and Hyuna. The support of all of them excited him. They did see each other as family. Jay and Changkyun were seemingly bothering Wonshik, who was sitting in between them, face palming. A guy next to Changkyun was most likely Jooheon. Heechul was sitting there with a bright and proud grin next to Eric. The performance was said to be an ode to Michael Jackson's legacy as Minki admired him dearly. He choreographed dances to the music of the King of pop. Some of the dancers were quite well known to those who were interested in Minki's studio and the programs. Kim Jongin, Lee Taemin, Kim Minsung _,_ Kim Hyojung, Son Hyunwoo, Zhang Yixing, Kim Yugyeom, Aliya Janell, Koharu Sugawara, Oh Sehun. Hoseok has heard about the show prior to Minki telling him about it and he was fascinated by it. As they were going to sit down he noticed Yoongi waving at him to sit next to the crowd. So they did. Hoseok sat down next to Yoongi. Jimin sat down next to Hoseok and Jeongguk to Jimin. "Hello." He greeted the group.

 

"Hey, nice to see you brought more people. Minki deserves all the recognition."

 

"I'm sure. I wanted to bring two more people, but they were determined to do something else tonight." Hoseok added. "Anyways, I did get Jimin and Jeongguk." The two smiled and waved. The other introduced themselves.

 

"Aren't you the mathematics professor?" Jeongguk asked Yoongi.

 

"I am."

 

"Did you know-"

 

"Don't you dare-" Hoseok widened his eyes knowing what the younger was planning.

 

"-he calls you professor X?"

 

"Do you?" Yoongi looked at a ruby red Hoseok with a raised eyebrow.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Oh don't worry, but I assure you. I'll keep that in mind."

 

Hoseok gulped nervously and quickly stretched out to punch Jeongguk on the shoulder. "You fucking brat." He whispered right before the show started.

 

 

 

 

 

After the show the group went backstage (including Hoseok) to congratulate Minki, drown him in flowers and praises. Heechul peppered his face in kisses. They expressed their interest in the show by complementing the other dancers who bowed humbly and gracefully.

 

"You're all too sweet." Minki said with a wide smile.

 

"We're not exaggerating one thing, honey. You were phenomenal." Heechul disagreed.

 

"I guess you're right, we're damn amazing."

 

 

After that they all went out to dinner. Hoseok was told about this. Jay often texts him. Jimin ran back home to study for his test, that was on Thursday. Jeongguk decided it would be fun to bother Jimin. Jimin was sure that that kid will be the death of him, but he secretly loved Jeongguk's annoying and childish, still not ruined by studies side. Where they went was truly fancy, it wasn't like anything Hoseok was used to. He would just often make instant noodles and be done with it. Or order some pizza, other foods. They were outside in a balcony that was cleared just for them. It was all lovely to celebrate Minki's successful show. After desserts a slow melody was played by violinists and cellists. Heechul encouraged all to grab a partner and waltz. He understandably was with Minki, Vasco with Yoongi, Hyuna with Jessi, Changkyun with Jooheon, Wonshik with Eric and Jay without hesitation walked up to Hoseok, to wrap his hands around the older's waist to pull him closer. Once that melody has been played till the end, a new and more romantic and gentle, melody filled the night's surroundings. Heechul used hand motions to tell the ten people to surround them and then he took Minki's hands in his and kneeled down on one knee. The younger gasped realising what was happening whispering out a weak _hyung_. "Minki, my sweetheart. I love you so much. You're the closest I've gotten to anyone. All I wish to do is make sure you're happy and taken care off. Please let me do that for the rest of ours lives." He took out a box out of the pocket from his jacket and opened it revealing a ring just perfect for Minki. "Minki, will you marry me?"

 

The man with pink hair kneeled down to hug Heechul tightly and kiss him. "Of cause. What took you so long?" He giggled euphorically as Heechul slid the ring onto his finger.

 

"I have no idea." They kissed again as the people behind them cheered and clapped.

 

 

 

Heechul has planned out to pay for the dinner himself as he's been planning it for so long, but the other's insisted for the two to celebrate and not worry about it. They will already have to think of the wedding bill later.

 

 

 

 

Jay's place, which he was renting to not burden his dad or interfere with his relationship, was not too far from the restaurant so he made up his mind to go on foot. Hoseok felt like walking as well so he offered to lead him home. On the way they just had small talk. Nothing too special. Once they reached the apartment Jay invited Hoseok in. Hoseok agreed to do so. Soon after closing the front door their lips were locked together as their hands held onto each other tightly, slowly finding their way under the soft fabric. They roamed each other's bodies as the clothes were pooling down on the floor.


	2. Falling For U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Seventeen song title.

Hoseok woke up in Jay's bed. With Jay's arm around his waist. Jay's soft breathing against the back of his neck. The memory of Jay inside of him and Jay's lips on him. The sound of Jay's moans still playing in his head like a broken record. Cold sweat washed him and chills rushed down his spine as a realisation hit him. He slept with his professor's boyfriend's son. He was terrified he had messed everything up. His university life, his relationships with the group, with Jay. After staring at a bedside table with a broken lamp during the whole train of thought he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath to pull himself together. Moments later he felt Jay's hand slide up to Hoseok's chest and the younger's (naked) body moved closer to his back. Soft lips danced upon Hoseok's shoulders and pulse. The older man didn't know if he should announce that he's awake. He was fearful of a negative outcome. "Good morning, hyung." A warm and husky voice helped Hoseok out of a daze.

"Hey." He answered with a shaky smile that Jay couldn't even see.

"Why is your heart beating so fast? Is something wrong?" Hoseok bit into his lower lip wondering if he should express his concerns. "You can tell me anything, but if you don't wish to then I won't force you." He moved back slightly, but enough to push Hoseok on his back and lock gazes and now his supportive and smart eyes met the older's worried ones.

"Was this right?" He whispered to not make his worst thoughts a reality. "Was it right for us to do this?"

Jay looked at him understandably for some time and then spoke up calmly. "We did nothing wrong. Why does it worry you?" He asked caressing the dark hair to put the other at ease.

"Won't it ruin anything? We don't even know each other _that_ well. Was this not a step backwards? Won't it affect our relationship for the worse?" Hoseok took Jay's hand and intertwined their fingers without breaking the eye contact.

"I like you. I enjoyed the night and waking up next to you. When I'm with you I think it's always fun." He continued to tenderly run his fingers through the messy hair. "And you're right, we don't know each other that well. We've only known each other for two and a half weeks. Yet I do really like you." He smiled to let the guest feel safer.

"I like you too. I really do." Hoseok admitted. "But what was last night?"

"You mean, was it a one the thing?" The older nodded. "I don't know. What do you want it to be?"

"I wouldn't mind it happening again. But I want you to be comfortable. If you don't want that, that is also okay."

"I wouldn't mind that either." Jay leaned down to capture Hoseok's lips in his for a slow and sensual kiss. Once departed, he smirked seeing a dimply smile creep up on Hoseok's face. "You were great, by the way."

"And you were fantastic. Where on earth did you learn all those things?"

"Honestly, the theory, some I thought of and some I saw in porn. In practice, after I find out I like guys, I decided to try all that out. So I was able to put on a show for you."

"How did you find out you like men? If you don't mind answering of cause."

"One time in America I drank a bit more, I was in a club. One thing led to another and I went home with a man. Then I realised I really liked it. Well, I still like girls, but I didn't know what I was missing on ignoring the secret urges." He confessed his story. "How about you?"

"My first crush was a boy. In middle school. This exchange student from China, Junhui. Later I liked some other boys and girls. Had only girlfriends though. I came out to my parents only a year ago." Hoseok shared his tale now. "That went so much better than I have expected. I was scared to be shunned. Luckily, that didn't change anything."

"Hm. My father doesn't care. He's bi himself, as you know. My mother does still bring it up as a problem. We no longer have a very strong bond. She actually left my dad because of bisexuality and the fear he'll cheat on her with a man. I don't know if there were more reasons. No one told me as a kid."

"Sorry about that."

"That's fine actually. I don't appreciate pretend care. I prefer people telling me straight up if they are willing to accept me or not." He swiped his thumb across Hoseok's bottom lip. "I don't see the point in letting disapproval stop me. It just fuels me to make sure others have a safe environment to be themselves."

"You're a magnificent person, Jay."

"So are you."

"But I don't fight for the rights like you. I'm too scared."

"That's okay. And don't forget, in America it is much easier than here. My circumstances allow me to do more without risking more." His hand from the hair moved down to Hoseok's chest. The heartbeat was no longer rapid and fearful.

"Jay, what are we now? Are we friends with benefits or something?"

"I guess. We didn't really establish anything beforehand."

"I'm okay with that."

"Me too." Jay kissed the heart shaped lips again. "What would you say if we benefit again, hyung?"

"Oh... Why not?" Hoseok wrapped his arms around Jay pulling him down.

  
  
Hoseok put on his jacket by the door. (Washed up and full.) Then he remembered something utterly important. "Fuck!" He grabbed onto his hair.

"What is it?" Jay asked concerned.

The hyung looked at his phone, which he pulled out of his pocket. "I have a lecture in  like thirty minutes. That's not even enough time to get back home and then go to uni. Fuck... He'll kill me... Oh shit... Yoongi- professor Min. I'm gonna be late to his class again." He rambled distressed.

"Hey, hyung, let me drive you there. I'm sure we can make it in time. I have an empty notebook and pens. Use those." He noticed Hoseok trying to protest. "Nope. Shush. We don't have time to bicker."

 

Hoseok rushed into the auditorium with a minute to spear. Professor wasn't there so he sat in his seat after fixing his last night suit. He was now glad he didn't have any fancy clothes as he did manage to look casual enough to not be too suspicious. When Yoongi entered the room and closed the door he went to the middle of it and noticed Hoseok. By the secret grin it was clear that he understood what the student did. Hoseok cursed in his head.

 

After the lecture Hoseok met up with Namjoon and Seokjin as they had an hour of free time. The spot they agreed to meet at was the library. They usually sat at a table further away, but still close to the window that not many sat by. There Hoseok was reading some information on the author they will focus on during his next lecture. The two men walked in and sat down near him. "What the hell?" Namjoon whisper-yelled. "Why didn't you answer my phone calls or texts? And why are you dressed like that? Also, why didn't you come back at night. Your roommate said he didn't see you since evening." Hoseok looked up confused at the verbal attack.

"Well hello to you too." He straightened in his seat and eyed the concerned gazes fixed on him. "Sorry to worry you. I was with some people last evening. Using my mobile would have been rude. After that I went home with one person. I barely managed to get to my first lecture on time."

"Oh. I apologise for coming at you like that." Namjoon scratched the back of his head awkward and embarrassed. "I just care for you. I didn't know if you were hurt or something."

"Thanks, but I've just forgotten about my phone during all of it."

"Try to remember next time." Seokjin asked softly. "It's really unsettling."

"Of cause." He noticed professor Min enter the library and he stood up. "Hold on. I need to-" without even finishing his thought he ran off. When he stopped right in front of the older going through some science books he startled him. "I'm sorry."

"What? For what?" He shook his head with a frown. He didn't like not understanding what's happening.

"I know that you know."

Yoongi looked Hoseok up and down examining his appearance. "Yeah. With Jay?" Hoseok nodded. "Why are you apologising to me then? Where do I come in this picture?"

"Because he's _Vasco's_ son." He was whispering to make sure no one hears their conversation. "And you're... I and... We are... You're my professor." Min's chuckled threw him off.

"So what? If you're happy like this then alright. I doesn't affect me. If you're that worried tell Vasco about it, but he'll be cool with it."

"Oh." His mouth was agape as he didn't know what he should say next. "Then... I apologise for bothering you I suppose."

"Don't worry about it and don't keep your friends waiting." Hoseok was ready to excuse himself when the professor added. "And don't forget, he'll leave after give or take two months. He'll need to back to collage. In _America_. Make sure to sort this out." Hoseok nodded.

"Okay. Thank you, sir." He turned around and went over to the two men talking. He dropped on the chair.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. It was just a long day yesterday."

"Who's that person you went with last night?" Being as nosy as he is, of cause the oldest asked that.

"He's just a friend."

"He?" Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't that the first time for you?"

Hoseok blushed. "Well... Yes, it was. But you don't have to announce to the whole building that a man fucked me." Hoseok hissed.

"I knew you bottom." Seokjin smirked smugly.

"Why do I even hang out with you guys?" He rolled his eyes.

"Because you love us."

  
-

  
Hoseok has taken a shower and was now walking around the dorm with a towel around his hips. His roommate was on the bed catching up on the work he has been procrastinating on for a week. Although Hoseok wouldn't have been shocked if he would find out there's a comic book hiding behind his history workbook. Taehyung was a year behind him and also studying literature. He was a sweet person. Extremely fun and outgoing, goofy and clever. At times odd, but that was part of his charm. Just like that boxy grin of his. Hoseok came into their bedroom to find his phone. "Woah! Call the fire department. It's just too hot!" The younger boy exclaimed making Hoseok giggle. "What did I do to deserve such a wonderful view? Did I die and I'm in heaven? Oh, no. Wait... I'm a sinner."

"Stop it, TaeTae."

"Like you don't enjoy honest compliments about your great appearance. Wasn't that part of the reason why you didn't come back home?"

"I didn't come back home because we had a connection and I was tipsy. But mostly because of the connection though."

"Who was she?" Hoseok bit in the inside of his cheeks. He hasn't told Taehyung he likes people despite their gender. He knew the younger was accepting and loving, bit he was still scared. This seemed like a good time to come out. He went to their wardrobe, got inside, closed the door. Then he dramatically opened them and stepped out with raised arms. "Oh. I apologise, _they_." He smirked.

"My friend. I seem to gotten close with him."

"You mean emotionally or physically." They both bursted out laughing and after wiping off a sneaky tear he said. "Well, probably both. Anyways, do have a label, so to say, you like?"

"I prefer queer. But by definition I would fit into bi, pan or omni."

"Cool. I guess it's a good time to say I'm gay." There it was. The boxy grin. Making him seem so innocent and playful. Simply adorable.

"Oh. That's cool. Wait.. Then who was that girl last week?"

"My project partner."

[Jay 17:03]  
Hey. You said you wanna talk about something. Can you meet me at a cafe across the street from your dorm in 30 min?

"Alright..." Hoseok answered with a "yes" and went to look for his clothes. "Hey look, I gotta go out a bit. I'm not sure when I'll be back. Maybe soon, perhaps I'll take longer than expected."

"Okay. If your friends calls me again I'll know what to tell him."

"I won't take _that_ long."

 

Hoseok went onto the cafe and saw Jay sitting in the corner by a big window with various plants on the windowsill. The older walked up to the table and sat down.

"Hey, hyung. I got you a drink." Jay said with a warm and charming smirk.

"Thanks, Jay." A dimply smile shined brighter than the sun earlier that day. "You're the coolest guy." The smile grew wider as Jay took his hand.

"So, hyung, what was that you wanted to discuss?" He squeezed Hoseok's hand to avoid Hoseok feeling anxious.

"I'm just curious where we stand... What I mean is... You will leave... So..."

"How serious this thing between us is or will be?" The other nodded. "Could we try the fun sex and some romantic aspects while trying to not fall in love? If we do, that's okay."

"Yeah. That sounds good."

"Can I ask you something, hyung?" Hoseok nervously answered with a yes and proceeded. "Why does this worry you so much?"

"Well... Like I've told you last evening, you are the first guy I've ever did something more than a small peck. And I'm worried that when you'll leave you'll just forget about me. And I know- I know you're better than that... But... I... You see... I have anxiety." Hoseok confessed and closed his eyes then continued. "It makes it difficult for me to completely feel safe. It's not your fault I have doubts."

"Hoseok hyung, it's okay. Thank you for telling me. I promise to help you however I can if you let me."

"Thanks, Jay. You're seriously too great sometimes." The younger chuckled.

"I could say the same to you." He took a sip of his coffee. "So, how much time do you have? I know you have an assignment due tomorrow."

"I finished it. I can stay with you. If you want me to of cause."

"That be great, hyung. I love it when you're near." He ran his thumb over the top of Hoseok's hand.

 

Later Hoseok texted Taehyung begging him to leave the dorm telling him Jimin would let him stay as his roommate was away. Taehyung agreed sending a lot of pervy winking faces.

 

-

 

Jay woke up alone in the twin size bed, very misleading name, he stretched and noticed a note.

_I'm off to my class. I'll be back at around twelve. If you want to wait up, feel free to roam the kitchen._  
_-Hoseok_

So Jay did as the older suggested and stayed. An hour has past and he was laying in the bed going through his phone. The door opened and a guy with tanner skin, brown messy hair and dressed in gym wear walked in. "Hi. You must be the guy Hoseok kicked me out of the dorm for the night. I'm Taehyung." He showed of his square grin.

"Hi. Sorry for kicking you out. I'm Jay. Nice to meet you."

"You too. I don't blame him for getting rid of me. I'd get rid of him for someone as hot as you." Tae said certain of his words.

 

-

 

Hoseok came back and saw the two chatting about, assuming from a few words they spoke, actual space. "Hey guys. What's up?" The nervous smile returned. Jay noticed it and smiled softly.

"Hey, hyung. Your roommate's adorable."

"So is your (boy)friend."

"Cool that you're getting along."

"Ya know, I should thank you." Taehyung stated. "You're not the only one who hot some dick last night. That Jimin dude is something special. I like him."

"I should have seen this coming."

"I definitely saw him coming. Shit, hyung. Thank the heavens. He's cute and sexy at the same time. I will win his heart and we'll get married one day. Perhaps live away from the city and have a few kids run around the garden, playing with our pets." Taehyung dozed off to his fantasy of Jimin.

"You're actually serious about this...? Damn. Well, good luck with that plan."

-

A month went by and Jay and Hoseok got even closer. At times they would prefer foreplay and intimate conversions instead of sex. They learned a lot about each other. While with Jay Hoseok would barely ever feel anxious. In the club they sit holding hands, arms around each other or go out to dance. At times they kissed. They did try to stay away from too much skin ship in public. They weren't in the best environment for that. Hoseok's friends did meet Jay. All liked him. But not as much as Hoseok. He did what he was afraid to do. He fell in love.

  
The second month passed by and Hoseok cried as he was being held by Jay in the airport. They did have a whole day planned for Jay before he would leave, but now, when it was the two of them, Hoseok couldn't hold back his tears. "I'm sorry. I fell in love. I'm sorry. I'll miss you so much."

"Hyung, please... You'll be alright. We can talk on Skype." He lifted Hoseok's chin up and he wished he hadn't. The trembling lips, sniffing nose, reddened and puffy eyes made his heart ache. "I love you too. I wish I could stay here, but I'll just have to stay strong and get back. Can you stay strong for me, hyung?" Hoseok wiped of his tears and nodded. "I'll come back. And we could talk often. I promise."

"Okay. Write to me when you get there."

"Of cause I will." He didn't care if some would see them and collided their lips one last time before he left.


	3. Singularity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: BTS - singularity

Hoseok was laying in his bed for almost ten hours and refusing to eat or move the slightest apart from shaking his head. Around one a.m. Taehyung heard little whimpers. The younger sat up and saw Hoseok's body tremble in the dim moonlight. He heard gasping and went over to the older fast, but not too fast to startle. He knew of Hoseok's anxiety. Hoseok told him about it after he had once had a panic attack in front of him. Taehyung hugged Hoseok and rubbed his back softly. "It's going to be okay, hyung. You're safe." He whispered encouragingly. "You're not alone. You're never alone." Eventually Hoseok fell asleep in Taehyung's hold.

  
In the morning Taehyung was getting ready to leave for his morning lecture when Hoseok woke up. "I'm sorry." He said weakly.

"Don't apologise, hyung." Taehyung smiled at him. Would it make you feel better if you'd check the message you got?" Hoseok turned at him curious. Could it have been Jay? He promised to inform Hoseok when he landed. Taehyung handed him the phone. The older sat up and looked at a notification. He opened it and there was a picture of Jay posing dramatically next to an American flag. There was text as well. "I'm here. I'm gueer. I'm ready for college." Hoseok smiled unconsciously.

"Are you going to go to your classes today?"

"Yeah. Of cause. I'll just shower." Hoseok answered already more awake and optimistic.

"Alright. If you need anything, text me. I gotta go now. See ya." Taehyung grined at him and left.

  
-

During the mathematics lecture that week Hoseok couldn't focus. He slowly raised his head and looked up when he hear that he was called. He was ready to say that he doesn't know an answer when he heard the older speak. "Please, keep attention. This is a difficult topic." He sounded gentle. He probably felt pity for Hoseok, as assumed by the student.

-

  
On Saturday, Hoseok and Jay could finally video chat. Hoseok's heart was pounding mercilessly as he was waiting for the screen with Jay there to pop up on his computer. He was chewing on his bottom lip anxiously as he was sitting on the bed tightly hugging his pillow. At long last, before Hoseok's heart had the chance to burst out of his heaving chest, Jay, smiling softly, invaded Hoseok's computer screen. "Jay!" He practically cried out.

"Hey, hyung. What happened?" He asked calmly as he wished he could wipe the streaming tears away.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too. But it's gonna be alright." After a shy nod from Hoseok, Jay continued. "I can tell something happened this week. Would you like to talk about it?"

After a shaky breath Hoseok whispered. "I had a panic attack yesterday."

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby. What triggered it?"

"I don't know. I was just going to one of my lectures and I suddenly couldn't. I've been on edge this whole week so it's not shocking." He pouted and hugged the pillow tighter from disappointment.

"Hobi hyung, what can I do for you?"

"Just talk to me. Tell about how you're doing. What's it like being back in America."

  
-

  
After talking for Jay for hours Hoseok felt much better. They also called up each other on Sunday and Hoseok was as bubbly and cheerful as often around the younger.

  
He still had troubles concentrating in lectures, but it was better than before. Except on Thursday. While he was sitting in professor Min's class he could barely breathe. His head felt heavy and mind foggy, his vision was more blurry and darker. He felt like he was probably sweating. He felt hot yet freezing. He tried his best to keep himself from shaking as he saw a figure walk up to him. "Hoseok, it's alright. It's alright. You're safe here." Yoongi was trying his best to calm the student down without breaking any laws. Technically he wasn't allowed to touch the student. As Hoseok's eyes filled with tears Yoongi flipped off who ever thought of that rule and placed his hand on Hoseok's shoulder. Some students murmured and gasped. "Hoseok, could you focus on me. Please. Let's breath together, alright?" As Hoseok erratically nodded Yoongi inhaled deeply and Hoseok followed. With his hand, the older also showed what to do and it went up. A few seconds later he exhaled and his hand went down. For a minute he and Hoseok were just breathing together as others watched in fascination. Yoongi understood that a better way was to hug Hoseok. Caress and praise him. But not here. Not in front of others. Eventually Hoseok relaxed a bit. "Let's go to the corridor for a minute, okay? Can you walk?" Another nod and Yoongi removed his hand from Hoseok's shoulder and moved it to the elbow to help him reach the door. "You all read page eighty six. I'll ask questions." When they left he closed the door and after looking around and seeing that no one was there he hugged Hoseok. "How long has this been happening?" He asked carefully.

"This first happened in highschool. But the only times anyone has ever seen it was my roommate, best friend and Jay. But I was always so relaxed with Jay. It's like I don't know how to function anymore. It's like the only source of peace has been torn out of my heart. I know it's selfish-"

"No, no, Seok. It's okay." Yoongi pulled away and wiped off his tears. "Let's get you some water, yeah?" After that they were by the door again. Hoseok's body stiffened and he unknowingly took a step back. "Hey, do you want to go home?"

"I can't." Hoseok shook his head. "Plus, it's only like half an hour left."

"If you're sure." They went back in. Of cause, all eyes were on then. Yoongi didn't have his hands on Hoseok, but he whispered in Hoseok's ear to just ignore the gazes for now. It's just human curiosity in what they don't understand. His eyes were locked on Hoseok as he sat back down in his seat to make sure he wouldn't be too overwhelmed and pass out. Then he turned at the class. "Alright, tell me what you understood... Mr Kim." He turned at one of the guys he knew didn't read what he was told.

-

On Friday Hoseok and Jay talked again. With skin painted scarlet red from embarrassment Hoseok told the younger about the incident the day prior. Jay said he'll send something to Hoseok that could hopefully help out.

-

In the club Hoseok seemed to relax well enough. Some of it was due to weed. Yet the company helped as well.

  
Everything seemed to go pretty good from then.

  
A month later Hoseok received a package. There he found a little box. Next to it, a note.

_I know it's not much, but I hope it helps you in some way._  
_Love, Jay_

He opened it and found a bracelet with a hint of toned green shades. Hoseok smiled brightly and later that day thanked Jay. When he would feel heaviness in his chest he always played with it or just looked at it to calmed down. It did wonders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be longer.


	4. I'm following the map that leads to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title : Maroon 5 - Maps.
> 
> SEXUAL CONTENT.

Hoseok was fidgeting with the bracelet around his wrist as he was getting lost in the daydream of what it would be like to see Jay again in person. It has been two months. They weren't even actually dating, yet it still annoyed Hoseok to be away from Jay. He was drifting off and he hadn't even smoked yet. Wonshik sat down next to him. "Hey, Hoseok, what are you thinking about all the time?"

Hoseok took a deep exaggerated sigh. "Jay. When I see him again." He melancholically moved his gaze from the wall to the man.

"So... Are you two dating?"

"No. I don't think so."

"You don't... How does that work?"

"I don't know. We just didn't really establish that stuff." Hoseok cleared his throat to switch to a lighter mood. "How about you? Do you have someone?"

"Yeah. I've been seeing someone for almost a year."

"Oh." Others seemed to be surprised to hear new information as they turned at Wonshik.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jessi asked.

"Cause... You never asked me that." He shrugged.

"Can you tell us something about them?" Changkyun asked resting on Jooheon's shoulder.

"Well, he's fantastic at chemistry. He owns a perfume store actually. "Eau De Vixx". Perhaps you've heard of it. It's a pretty... Secretive place. He likes being this sneaky. He creates other stuff, but I don't know what that is. Taekwoon is kind of a drama queen. Yet around other people he's always very shy. It's the cutest thing when he blushes and tries to curl into a ball when he gets complimented." Wonshik chuckled. "He also often seems so damn elegant. Even in moment when I wouldn't expect."

"Will you ever bring him over?"

"Perhaps. Right now he is busy. I asked him if he needs help, but he just told me I won't get it."

Hyuna thought for awhile and smiled. "Ah! Yes! I know that place. I saw the entrance to it. I was always fascinated and intimidated by it."

-

"What are you talking about? You said you will." Hoseok's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry. There's too much work and it is expensive. I'm just a student, which often equals broke." Jay said after their dinner date (via Skype).

"But- you said you'll come back like two weeks."

"I said I'll try. Look, I'm sorry. I really do hove work piling up."

"Yeah... I get it. It's not your fault." Hoseok sighed defeated. "That's alright."

"I miss you, hyung. I wish I could hug you and kiss you. Hold your hand. Tear your clothes off." A mischievous grin appeared.

"Jay!" He chuckled. "Stop, you're turning me on."

"How is that bad?"

"I don't have you here to fix it."

"Do you?"

"What?" Hoseok asked confused.

"Have you ever tried video sex before?"

Hoseok was sitting on his bed frozen for awhile. Then he finally understood what jay ment. "What if Tae comes back?"

"Where is he?"

"He's with friends. He shouldn't be back for at least two more hours."

"Perfect." Jay smiled from ear to ear. "Do you own any sex toys?"

"What?!" His eyes widened again. "What?! What do you mean? No!" He was ruby red by now. "Do you?"

Jay laid down on his side. That lifted his T-shirt up and Hoseok could see a bit of his hipbone. Jay grabbed a box from under his bed and sat up straight. He opened the box and a bunch of items fell on the bed. It was more than Hoseok has ever seen. He would sometimes look through then on websites, but there were a few he had never seen before. Others just looked scary. "Yeah, I do." The smile seemed innocent and out of context.

"What the fuck? That's why you're broke. Look at how many you have! Why do you have so many?"

"It get lonely. Sometimes I need to study, but I want to get fucked. Solution, use a toy while I read. Okay, I don't remember stuff that well, but I like it."

"Um... I want to ask you something."

"What is it, hyung?"

"Have you had sex with anyone after you left?"

"No. Why would I when I'm with you? Sort of. Did you?"

"No. Of cause I didn't. But I have masturbated a lot while thinking of you." Hoseok couldn't believe he said that out loud. He wished he hadn't. He was so embarrassed now.

A cat like smirk smeared across Jay's features. "Really?" He teased in a sultry voice. "What a coincidence." He licked his lips and took off his T-shirt revealing his toned and tattooed body. Hoseok's jaw fell. It has been quite a long time since the last time he saw a view like that. "What do you say, baby, wanna play around?" He asked tilting his head to the side and leaning closer to the screen. Right above all the dildos, vibrators, cock rings, oils and similar objects.

"Um... Yeah... Yeah... Dear god..." Hoseok couldn't focus on anything else, but Jay. "I wanna see you use one of those."

"You want me to fuck myself with a dildo, eh?" He lifted up one of his favourites. "You want to see me moan imaging it was your cock?"

"I never fucked you. How could you imagine that?"

"I have thought about it. What it would feel like to have you inside me." He started taking off his trousers and soon was left in only his boxers, which outlined his half hard member. "I have a little surprise for you this time..." He purred with his thumbs under the waistband. "I was kinda hoping for this."

"What did you do?" Hoseok asked with a shaky voice nervously. He was interested in this suggestion, yet he worried he might disappoint Jay, who was clearly more experienced than him.

"I got prepared." The younger hinted and took off his the last piece of clothing off of his body. "I'm ready to give you a show." Hoseok wasn't the biggest fan of porn and he didn't watch live streams like that, but seeing Jay seductively maneuvering on his bed more comfortably was the best he has seen in a long time. "Do you want to see?" He asked slightly spread his legs.

Hoseok gulped awkwardly. "Please." He might have been barely whispering, but Jay heard nonetheless.

"Really, hyung?" After a shy nod Jay chuckled. He slowly turned around (flexing his muscles) and heard an aroused gasp. A few moments later he faced the camera again with a filthy glare. "You want me to play with it?"

"Yeah..." It was more of a breathy moan than anything.

"Okay, hyung. Whatever you wish for..." He bit into his lip and moved so Hoseok could see his face and him playing with the butt plug. Thrusting the toy in and out if himself while releasing little huffs as Hoseok was getting hard from the view. Not like Jay himself wasn't becoming stiff. Once stretched enough he pulled it out gazing at the computer and Hoseok's mesmerised eyes which were fixed on him. "I think this one will do very well..." He took the blue dildo he showed the older earlier and in the pile of his special items he found the bottle of lube and smeared it on his toy. "Join me, baby..." He asked with innocent doe eyes as he patted his eyelashes with a composed smirk. As Hoseok was taking off his tank top Jay inserted the toy inside while scrunching his nose lightly. "Fuck... I wish this was you." He sat up and turned it on medium speed with a dragged whiny moan. He shut his eyes shut while adjusting to sit comfortably enough to simply rock in his place to get plenty of satisfaction from the device. Then he opened them and noticed Hoseok sitting with his legs spread and naked. He was stroking his length while scanning the younger's body, face. Jay wasn't touching himself, he rested on his hand against the bed to keep getting all the pleasure from the dildo. "You're so handsome... Hyung... You're so hot like this... C'mon." He whined in a high pitch rocking his hips faster. "C'mon, show me how fast you would to fuck me." Jay whispered looking with half lidded stare and mouth open.

Hoseok picked up the speed. "I would start off slow... But at this point..." He began stroking his shaft even faster as Jay rocked his body harder. "Oh shit!" His fingers brushed against the slit with more pressure. He winced at the feeling and the view on the screen.

"Fuck, baby... You're so gorgeous like this..." Jay moaned complementing the beauty. The tan skin kissed by the dim light, faint blush colouring the cheeks, lips parted and eyes half open, muscles tensioning from the rapid pace. He felt himself twitch eagerly. "You're so magnificent I'll come untouched..." The praise and heavy breaths made Hoseok weep out weakly.

"I-I'm close." He stuttered.

"Me too, baby. Come for me, yeah?" With that he saw Hoseok's body arch, hips thrust up, head launch back, heard a loud moan escape as the older came in his hand. As his body dropped on the bed while panting Jay came right onto his sheets. He turned off the toy and placed it away. It was mostly silent for a few moments, then Hoseok faced the younger and with the stare locked together he began licking of his hand. Jay couldn't help but weep at that. He couldn't believe he wasn't there to witness it in person. Nevertheless, Hoseok still looked brilliant. "Hyung... You'll just get me hard again." He whined.

"And why is that bad?" The older chuckled.

"If you put on a show again, it's not." Jay smiled at him. "Damn... When we finally meet up you gotta top. It needs to be more than now."

"I'll try my best to destroy you."

"I can't wait."

  
-

  
The next Saturday Wonshik introduced Taekwoon to the group. Like he said, Taekwoon was shy, yet also acted a bit like a drama queen. He would try to pick playful fights with Wonshik and bother him, but would whine if he was bothered back. Another thing was that he was ridiculously handsome. He just looked like a cat, a lion even. The two were cute together and seemed to have a strong bond, especially judging from the way they made each other smile. Taekwoon seemed to be more suspicions than expected. He had some anonymous customers with specific requests for special orders that involved his high knowledge in chemistry. No one questioned him to much, but all seemed curious.

After some time Changkyun was sitting (with the tip of his tongue peeking out) on the floor building a house of cards while Jooheon was taking pictures of him. A few people were playing pool, others darts. Hoseok examined the couples and made up his mind. He pulled out his phone to use the Internet. He had to do it. Yoongi (and Vasco) were sitting on the couch besides him. "What are you up to?" He asked.

"I just booked a plane ticket."

"A plane ticket?" Yoongi repeated. "To where?"

"America. I miss Jay. Even if I'll have to be on a strict diet for the rest of the year, I still wanna see him in person. After the next Thursday we will have thirteen days off. Perfect timing."

"Does he know you're doing this?"

"Not yet."

"I'm sure he'll be excited to see you again." Yoongi smiled at him. "Will you leave on Friday?"

"Yeah."

"My son's a lucky man." Vasco commented.

"I believe I'm the lucky one." Hoseok stated his opinion.

  
A couple of his hours later Hoseok overhead a conversion of Yoongi and Vasco he wasn't supposed to. He wasn't eavesdropping or anything. Weed most likely enhanced his hearing. That's what he told himself. When Vasco finished a drink Yoongi leaned in and whispered. "Please, hyung, that's enough for tonight."

"Don't tell me what the fuck I have to do."

"You're already drunk." Yoongi hid the annoyance in his voice with a flirty smirk, that made it seem to others like they might have been dirty talking. "You know how you get."

"Don't be a pussy."

"Fuck you." He hissed through gritted teeth.

  
-

  
"What?!" Hoseok thought Taehyung's eyes are going to pop out of his head. "You'll leave?"

"Yeah. I miss Jay."

"Damn. You could have told me that earlier than two days before that."

"Sorry."

"Do others know?"

"Yeah..."

"Why am I the last to know?! I'm your _roommate_! Wait... Wait... Maybe it's not too bad..."

"What the hell are you planning?" He raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Since you're gone, me and Jiminie could do whatever we want here."

"Oh, good Lord! Just not on my bed!"

"Like no one besides you ever had sex on that bed. It's a dorm. A lot of people are quite horny in uni. Someone has definitely done something there."  
  
"You just ruined sleep for me." Hoseok jumped onto Taehyung and started tickling him until the younger was gasping for air. "Vengeance shall be mine!"

  
-

  
In the airport Hoseok was stressed out. He had no chill and nothing could help. He has never been on a plane before and it was too long. He felt like he was about to loose his shit. Namjoon and Seokjin were there to calm him down. "It's gonna be fine, Hobi." Seokjin smiled at him softly, like he always did. "It's just a few hours. You can try taking a nap or watching a movie.

"He's right, hyung. And just think about seeing Jay."

"Yeah, yeah. You guys are probably right. There's nothing to worry about."

"The plane is also the safest transportation device. That's cool."

"Alright, alright, I can do this." Hoseok took a deep breath.

 

On the actual plane he was considering the possibility that he won't be able to do it. He asked for a stronger drink already before takeoff. An hour into the flight he realised that Jay doesn't even know he's coming. He cursed under his breath and then apologised to an ajumma for it. Once he has redeemed himself of the shame he went on his computer and called up Jay, he knew he won't have any lectures left. After a few nerve wrecking seconds Jay answered confused. He seemed to be laying on the bed and eating a Snickers. "Hey, babe, what's up?" They didn't schedule to talk that time and Hoseok was in and unusual setting. Furthermore, Jay was worried about something bad happening to the older.

"Hey, Jay. I miss you and I'm a few hours away from landing in America."

Jay choked on his bite and his eyes widened. "What?!" He toned down the volume seeing Hoseok, who was with headphones, shrug. "Sorry, but what? Why didn't you warn me. My place is a dump!"

"It's not my fault you're untidy." He retorted.

"Oh my... You're actually coming?"

"Yeah."

Jay smiled widely. "When do you land? I'll pick you up."

"16:35."

"Okay, I still have time to clean up." He sighed. "I can't believe this. I'm so excited to see you again."

"Me too." He snickered. "I missed you so fu-" he could feel the ajumma's stare. "... Freaking much."

"Why are you censoring yourself so awkwardly?"

"I'll tell you later. Anyway, how on earth do you handle being on planes?"

Jay started cleaning his place up while answering the question. "Well, I like them actually. I find the flight relaxing."

"I can't relate. It's just freaking me out."

"I'm here, hyung. You can talk to me if that helps."

"This helps also." He raised his hand to show the bracelet. Jay lifted his eyes and grined.

"That was the point." He picked up a shirt from the ground and looked around it. Seemed clean enough. He sniffed it and frowned. "Since when am I such a mess?" That made Hoseok laugh.

 

  
By the entrance Jay was standing leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. When he saw Hoseok he launched himself forward and ran to him. He wrapped his arms around Hoseok's waist pulling him closer and kissed hard. At first Hoseok was shocked because he wasn't used to do this in public in Korea, but then he gave in and dropped his arms around Jay's shoulders. After too long, but not long enough they pulled apart. They smiled wider than ever as they looked at each other. "Hey, hyung, welcome to America."

"Thanks, Jay. What a welcome it is."

He took Hoseok's hand and suitcase, despite Hoseok's disagreement about the latter, and they went out off the building. "My buddy is driving, my car's in repair." He couldn't take his eyes off of the older. "You're even hotter than I last saw you. What the fuck? Oh fuck. About that. Why did you censor yourself?"

"The ajumma sitting next to me didn't like that."

Jay bursted out laughing. "You're a peace maker. You try to please everyone." He kissed him on the cheek. "That's incredibly adorable." They reached a car and Jay opened the door in the back and showed Hoseok to sit down. Jay sat down next to him after putting the luggage in the trunk. "Did you have enough time for an introduction?"

"Yeah. I just have a question. Do I have to say hyung?" Jackson asked.

"It's America, it's for you to decide, baby." Jay added

"Not needed." Hoseok answered.

"Is it needs for me?"

"Yes." Hoseok smirked and winked at him.

"Well, that seems unfair."

"No." Jackson disagreed. "I mean, I'm not even Korean so..."

"Oh shit." Hoseok face palmed. "I don't even know English."

Jay chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm fluent."

 

After dropping the two off Jackson had to leave to do some business. Jay's apartment seemed cool and decent in the sense of tidiness. Quite simple. "You must be tired after the flight. Do you want a bath?" Jay asked taking Hoseok's jacket off.

"Can I take one with you?"

Jay collided their lips. "Of cause. Let's go." He guided him to the bathroom and started unbuttoning Hoseok's shirt (after turning on the water). "I missed you so fucking much. You being here is too great."

Once the shirt was off, Hoseok took of Jay's T-shirt. "I couldn't wait."

Soon enough they were in the bathtub, Hoseok was laying on Jay's chest. "I'll try to give you best time here. When I'm in classes you can hang out here, check out what around, if you want, Jackson could help when he doesn't have who to train."

"Okay." Hoseok placed his hand on Jay's, which was on the older's stomach. "Wonshik has a boyfriend, did you hear?"

"No. I thought he was ace like Eric. I guess I was wrong."

"He's really awesome. Taekwoon. He owns a perfume store. And makes them himself. All of them are very unique. He is very shy. Wonshik kept complimenting him and he practically crawled into a  all flustered. It was adorable."

"He sounds interesting."

"Yeah." He took a deep breath. "That seat was hella uncomfortable. I can barely feel my back." Hoseok complained.

Jay moved his hand to the older's shoulders and started massaging the aching muscles down the spine. "I can help you with that." He whispered as Hoseok closed his eyes.

 

Once they have washed up Jay ordered some food because his fridge was more or less empty. They just ate some pizza while watching a movie on Netflix. After that they just began making out on the bed. One thing led to another and they were laying naked. Hoseok on top stretching out Jay while sucking on his neck. Eventually he has alined his tip with the younger's entrance. It was a bit weird as Hoseok was used to and enjoyed being dominated. Jay ran his fingers across Hoseok's honeyed skin. "Take it easy, baby. There is no rush." Once in, Jay wrapped his legs around Hoseok's hips. From all the powerful thrusts the room filled with desperate moans and gasps and they shared heated kisses that were messy, but neither of them cared. Soon both came and were laying next to each other as they tried to catch their breath. "That's even better than I hoped." Then Jay wiped them off with wet tissues he had in his bedside table. They enveloped together and whispered I love you's before drifting off to sleep.


	5. Hold Me Tight Or Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Fall Out Boy.
> 
> Non-graphic SEXUAL CONTENT and references to it.

Hoseok woke up to the feeling of persistent kisses being placed all over his body. He whined lazily and opened his eyes to the the sight of Jay sucking a hickey onto his abdomen with a devilish grimace. He went lower and Hoseok's breath hitched as he felt the soft lips his shaft. The fact that he wasn't fully awake yet created an extraordinarily unique experience and he didn't even notice when he got hard. Once Jay was done he kissed his way up to Hoseok's neck with a wide grin plastered on his face. "Good morning, sunshine. Ready to go for a run?"

Hoseok's eyes widened. "The fuck? Ready to- what!?" His voice was still raspy. He noticed the clock. 6.00 a.m.

"I like to at least go for a run. C'mon." He slapped the older's thigh. "Halfway we can get smoothies from this healthy place, which I just call vegan propaganda, then run back. After a shower we can make some breakfast."

"Exercise is not fun." Hoseok buried his face in a pillow.

Jay grabbed him by the ankles while laughing and pulled him close as the older squeaked. "C'mon, don't be a pussy. Let's go." Hoseok rolled his eyes and sat up. He tiredly stared at the bright smile and then leaned to kiss him. "Attaboy."

-

Two kilometers later Hoseok was barely even crawling anymore. He dropped on the ground breathless and leaned against a tree. "Do you hate me?" He asked with hurt in his eyes.

"Alright. Let's take the shorter route today. Stand up, babe. The nearest vegan propaganda is half a kilo away." He helped the other stand up. "Can you run that far?"

"Fine." Hoseok sighed dramatically.

 

At the place they discussed more about how everything has been going on after they have separated.

 

After coming back, they went straight to the bathroom to shower. Jay was quite touchy in the shower and Hoseok gave in. He wanted to stay mad at him for making him run and so _damn_ early, but ended up giving the younger a blow job. Once clean, they made some breakfast and while eating Hoseok decided to ask something he has been worrying about, but had been too afraid to speak up about, especially since it wasn't his business. "Jay... I would like to ask you something... But I don't know how... I'm also not sure I'm entitled to speak about such things-"

"Is it about my father and Yoongi hyung?" Hoseok's eyes widened. "What happened?"

"Nothing much, I overhead, completely by accident, Yoongi hyung asking Vasco hyung to stop drinking for the night because of the way he... _gets_. Then they practically told each other to fuck off."

"They do argue when there's alcohol involved. Nothing bad has happened yet, to my knowledge, but I worry he might hurt him."

"Who?"

"My dad. He's stronger and bigger than Yoongi. A bit more aggressive also. I'm not implying he has anger issues, but alcohol can mess with your head. Keep an eye on them. If something suspicious is happening then make sure Yoongi hyung is alright, okay?"

"Of cause. I wouldn't wish him hurt. But do you think your father is capable of it?"

"I think anyone is capable of anything." Jay answered with a hint of disappointment. "Due to certain circumstances that is."

"I see. I'll do my best to prevent Yoongi from getting harmed."

 

During the day Jay showed Hoseok off some his favourite places in the city. In the evening he sat down to study for a few hours while Hoseok scrolled through the internet. Later he went off to cook them dinner. They had a chill night in that ended with Hoseok on Jay's lap. He had kisses pressing to his neck from the man he rode. "Don't you dare wake me up early tomorrow." The older moaned out as he tightened his grip in the younger's hair.

"Don't worry." He chuckled. "Tomorrow we sleep in."

"Fuck. I almost came just from that."

-

Hoseok woke up with his head resting on Jay's chest and his right leg in between Jay's legs. Once he opened his eyes he examined the tattoos on Jay's arm in the warm sunlight. Then he slid his hand forward to Jay's. He felt the younger intertwine their fingers together. "G'moring." Hoseok smiled.

"Good morning. Happy to sleep in?"

"Yeah."

"Rested?"

"Mhm."

"Okay. We can do whatever you want for the day. I'll just study one hour before sleep, but pretty much the whole day is ours."

  
They explored the the city even more and in the afternoon met up with Jackson for a few hours. Hoseok found out that Jackson is from Hong Kong and he's a rookie rapper. It was Hoseok's luck to always end up befriending rappers, he assumed. By the time the sun was beginning to set they walked around a park. Enjoyed the stars and moon. They ate in a cosy restaurant that was cheep enough for students and went back home. Jay studied and they cuddled to sleep.

-

The time in America passed by quicker than expected. Yet the day before Hoseok had to leave they received invitations to Heechul and Minki's wedding that was going to take place in Australia, to make it a legal procedure, of cause. Jay got a message from Vasco that he'll cover the son's expenses for the trip. Jay was grateful for it. Hoseok was already planning on where he could find a job.

  
They did not sleep during the last night. Oh no. They trued out a lot of new things while they still had the time. Yet Hoseok quickly fell asleep on the plane. Jackson drove then to the airport again. Hoseok really liked the Chinese boy. He was so fun and outgoing. At times, exhaustingly (Jay's words, not his) talkative. He has agreed to keep in touch. Before actually going off to the plane Hoseok couldn't stop kissing Jay. He had the freedom to do so in America and he was scared to let the younger go. Jackson was wheezing in the backround whispering how adorable it was.

-

Namjoon and Seokjin greeted him in Korea and he hugged them both tightly. He didn't even realise how much he has truly missed his friends back home. Back at the dorm, Taehyung interrogated him when he returned.

  
Next morning he went back to his lectures. After his maths lecture, professor Min asked him over while others were leaving the auditorium. The older smirked at him. "Hey, you look happy. I suppose it went well."

"Yeah." He nodded vigorously. "That place is cool." He whispered just in case. "We could even _kiss_ in _public_."

"Ah, yeah. All marriage is legal there, makes sense. I'm glad you had a good time there."

"Thank you," he quickly glanced around. "Yoongi hyung."

-

Hoseok was clapping enthusiastically as Jeongguk shared the dance he'd come up with for his classes. Then with bunny smile on display he grabbed a bottle of water. "Woah! Gukie! That was awesome."

"Thanks, although, is there anything you would change?"

"I think it was great how it was. But it's the most important to be confident in what you present. Too bad Jimin isn't here. He could say something."

"He's on a date with Tae hyung."

"Yeah. They're really hitting it off. I ship it."

Jeongguk chuckled. "Of cause you do. Anyways, have you found a job?"

"Yeah, at a cafe."

  
-

  
A few months later it was time for the big day. The soon to be weds picked the most magnificent garden any of them have ever seen. The couples families were there (except for Minki's father), the group, some other friends, Minki's dance crew. It was a wedding with the people closest to the two. And everything about it was wonderful. Minki has been doing the most of the planning out. Heechul did the most possible so his soon to be husband had the perfect wedding. As his dream wedding was his partner's dream wedding. No one was shocked to see Minki rocking a wedding gown. They both looked fantastic. The biggest accessories were the undying grins. When the two have left for the honeymoon some have stayed in Australia for some time. Jay and Hoseok did too. Just two days more before they needed to go back. They were in their hotel room. Laying in bed, relaxing after sex when Hoseok spoke up fearfully. "Despite what I say now, just know I do love you." They locked gazes. Jay nodded encouragingly and the older continued. "Do you see yourself getting married one day?"

"Yeah. Do you, hyung?" He asked taking Hoseok's hand. The older nodded slowly. "But not to me?" He shook his head and looked down apologetically. "That's okay." He smiled. "I love you too, you know that. Yet... That doesn't mean this is ment to be a perfect fairytale."

"I don't know why I don't see us like this. I'm sorry. I mean- we don't even argue."

"I know why." Hoseok was watching Jay's calm expression intensely. "Because you have feelings for Yoongi hyung."

Hoseok's eyes widened. "What? No, no."

"Hyung, I've noticed. You don't need to deny this to me or yourself. It's okay." He kissed the other on the cheek. "That doesn't mean we can't still be close friends or that we need to let this interfere with us having fun for these two days though."

Hoseok finally smiled. "I can't believe I don't see a future like that with you. You'll make someone so damn happy."

"You too." They collided their lips for a brief moment. "This still feels right." Jay confessed.

"We have two days. Let's get this out of our systems."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No offence ment towards vegans.
> 
> The next chapter will be more emotional and serious. It will touch sensitive subjects.


	6. Yestoday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, suicidal thoughts and behavior, domestic violence, sexual assault, blood, crying, depression, ect.  
> If you're sensitive, you should consider if you really want to read this chapter.
> 
> Title : NCT U

Hoseok returned to Korea happy and, in a way, relieved. He knew it was right for them to look for the partners they were ment to be with. He mentioned to his friends the (more or less) breakup (even though they have never established a relationship). He briefly mentioned it in the club to the others. And he smoked more than usual. But all understood. All were mature and intelligent. After more than an hour later Vasco went out to smoke a cigarette. Yoongi followed him. But he didn't smoke. Hoseok guessed he wanted to have a private conversion. Minutes later Hoseok went to the restroom. Leaving it he overhead  something that sounded like a slam to the wall and a gasp. He went towards the noise and heard a whimper. "Hyung, please...  You're scaring me. Don't you see you hurt me when you're drunk. I have bruises from your anger."

"Shut up." He barked out. And a weep followed with a smack. Hoseok eyes widened realising what Vasco had been doing to Yoongi when no one was around.

"Sometimes I think you just use me for sex. Well... Would make sense. You can't even get me pregnant. I'm simply an easy fuck for you at any time."

"Don't talk back to me. Know your place."

"I'm aware you don't love me. At least not anymore. But... Do you even love anyone anymore -ah!" There was a slap and a hit to the wall. Hoseok had guessed Yoongi had lost his balance after a punch and fell to the wall. "I fucking hate you! You need help." He cried out.

"Fuck you. You don't know me."

"You're right. I don't." A quiet and trembling voice answered. "And I don't want to. I don't want this anymore. It hurts. Physically, emotionally. I can't take it. I'm thinking of things I thought about when I was eighteen. You know... When I was suicidal." He spat out.

"You're just being dramatic."

"You don't even care if I kill myself... Thank you. You have told me all I needed to hear. I'm too good for this." Another hit and Hoseok heard the body fall to the floor. Vasco left and the younger hid behind a door. Once it was clear he ran to Yoongi, who flinched seeing someone come to him so fast. "What- Hoseok!"

"Hyung, are you okay? Of cause not... I'm so sorry." He was kneeling next to him. "Where did he hit you?" He examined the shaking body.

"No- no, Hoseok, you're not supposed to know. No one is suppose to know."

"It's not right. Let me help you." He reached out his hand and after a few minutes Yoongi finally placed his hand there. He wrapped his arms around the older and helped him up, that turned into a hug that just made Yoongi cry silently.

"If I leave him- he- he might hurt someone else." Hiccup sobs reached Hoseok's ears.

"You don't deserve this hell. Why don't you report this?"

"This might get us all arrested. I need to think of the big picture. Even if it pains me to."

"What are you going to do?"

"I live with him. I need to go back. At least for one night."

"But... Can I ask something that is absolutely none of my business and you can ignore me if you wish-"

"Does he force me into sex? Yeah, it's better if I comply." Hoseok's eyes widened again. "I'm sorry. I don't want to burden you with this information."

"Don't apologise. How could I help you?"

"Don't tell anyone about this." Hoseok was ready to protest. "Please..." He begged. "Please... Let me try... Try to fix this..."

"I'll always be here for  you, hyung. Never doubt that."

Yoongi murmured out a thank you and left the club earlier by making up an excuse about being tired and him having some assignments to grade. Hoseok could feel Vasco's piercing gaze for the rest of the night. He knew that Vasco knew that he knew about what has happened.

-

Next week, before a lecture, the auditorium was locked because professor Min was having a conversation with someone. People made speculations of who that person was. Perhaps someone from the ministry of education. No one knew. Finally, ten minutes after the lecture has started, the door opened and Hoseok saw Vasco leave emotionless. Yoongi apologised for the waiting tiredly. Hoseok noticed that his hair was hiding his eyes purposely and his left wrist seemed to be swollen. He was worried, but decided to wait till after the lesson. It finally ended and Hoseok went up to the older once the room was empty and the doors were closed. "Hyung." He spoke up gently as the professor hopelessly dropped to his chair. "What happened?"

"Nothing. It's nothing to be concerned about." He waved off with his right hand.

"Does your wrist hurt?" He wondered. He wanted to touch it, but Yoongi jumped startled and pulled his hand away quickly. Which he seemed to regret judging by the hiss. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

"It's... Nothing. I just sprained it accidentally."

"How exactly?"

"While jacking off, who gives a shit..." He raised his voice and Hoseok flinch.

"Please. Don't be quiet about it."

"It happened while I was having sex, okay? Why is it important?" He asked with anger and disappointed in his eyes. His eyebrows were knitted together as he tried his best to stay composed.

"Again, it's not for me to say, yet... With all due respect, were you actually having _sex_ or did he _assault_ you?" Yoongi was staring at the younger with eyes wide. "He abused and assaulted you... That's not okay."

"I don't care what's okay anymore. I just want to _die_!" He yelled and saw the fear in Hoseok's face and his demeanor change so weakly. Yoongi stood up and ran up to the younger. "Hey, don't worry about it, okay?" His voice was tender and sweet, soft. "Don't be scared... I'm sorry I frightened you."

"Please, don't do it... We all love you. I love you." He felt tears gathering and he cursed at himself for being like this when someone needs him.

"I'm not going to do it, alright?" He said staring Hoseok straight in the eyes. Now Hoseok noticed the black eye covered up with make up and hair. "I'm not going to kill myself. I have fought against that too much to now act up upon it."

"But... Can I help you?"

"Just let me deal with it."

"Hyung. You need the help. He's still doing what he wants with you."

"You don't know the situation." Yoongi defended himself and Vasco and raised his hands up to prove the innocence of it all. "I have it under control."

"I'm sorry, but I wish to disagree."

"What do you want from me? This is _my_ life. I _chose_ this. I _chose_ him. If I _choose_ to leave now he'll find an innocent victim."

"You're an innocent victim."

"You don't know my life, kid. You don't know what I have done. Have you thought that perhaps I deserve this?"

"No one deserves this. Including you."

"Stop. Just stop. Go to your next lecture- or back home. Whatever the fuck you have today. Leave me." Yoongi backed away from Hoseok. The younger tried reaching him, but Yoongi just pushed him away.

"When you're ready, you can talk to me." Hoseok said calmly and went towards the door. Once he left the room he did remember he had forgotten his backpack by professor Min's desk. He opened the door again and froze at the view. A moment later he ran up to the older as he slammed the door behind. Yoongi heard that and removed his hands from his neck. "Hyung... Dear god... Were you... Strangling yourself?" Yoongi's eyes moved to the ground from shame. "Why would you do this?"

"It helps when I'm overwhelmed..." He confessed with a sad whisper.

"But... Hyung... This is self harm." He placed his hands on Yoongi's, who was leaning against the wall, shoulders. The man broke down and fell to the wall and rested his head on his bent knees as he wept silently as Hoseok caressed the shivering body. "Please... You don't have to fight alone... How long have you...?"

Once Yoongi was able to speak he looked up with a tearful gaze and wet steams down his face. "This- this thing... For about two year..."

"This... Are you implying you..." Hoseok swallowed with fear. "You do more?"

Yoongi wiped off his tears with the back of his hand and tried unbuttoning his shirt, but his hurt wrist made it difficult so Hoseok undid it for him. Then Yoongi moved the material aside and showed his ribs with cuts and scars. "A month." He said flatly. Hoseok gave Yoongi time to calm down more and the older continued talking. "I pull on my hair when he yells at me... Sometimes I kick the wall till I get bruises on my legs, he doesn't hurt me there... I know... I'm weak... I'm in my early thirties... I shouldn't act like this..."

"No, hyung." He hugged the other. "You're not weak. It's normal to feel those emotion and use such ways. You know it's not healthy though." Yoongi nodded. "Can I help you then?"

"How?"

"You can always talk to me when something happens. Talk to me when you want to... Do those things. Let me help distract you from the urge."

"Are you an angel?" Yoongi asked with a shy smile, that was trying to hide the struggle and pain, horror of his reality.

"I'll be whatever you wish for me to be." Hoseok smiled back at him and helped him up. Yoongi wrapped his arms around Hoseok's waist tightly. "What could we do, hyung?"

"I... Realise that I should get away from that location... But... Where would I go?"

"If I wouldn't live in a dorm I'd take you right in."

"I need to find a place to rent..."

"I can help you with that."

"No. The superiors might suspect something is going on between us. You could get expelled. I don't want to do this to you." He escaped the younger's loving hold. "Thank you, Seok-Seok." He kissed the younger on the cheek. "You're so... Bright... And warm."

"Hyung..." Hoseok looked at him fearfully. "What... What will you do if you can't find a place tonight?"

"I'll stay here... Pretend I'm working. I've done that before to have a reason to not return to that house." He said with disgust.

"Oh... Call or text me when you find a place, okay?"

"I promise." Yoongi assured.  
  


Later that evening Hoseok received a call while he and Taehyung were reading in their bedroom. Hoseok (acting) calmly went into the kitchen to not make the younger curious of why he's answering a call privately. He thought his heart will burst out of his chest as he answered it. "Hello?" He sounded gentle and composed, reassuring.

"Ho- hoseok..." A weeping gasp was heard from the other end of the line. "Please... I- I'm sorry... I-"

"Hyung, hyung, tell me where you are. Please try to stay calm and I'll be there asap."

"I- will text you." He answered after a few deep breaths.

"Okay." He saw the text. "I'm on my way, hyung. I'll keep you safe." He ran into his room and quickly took his bag, that he had prepared earlier that day. Just in case. "Do you want to still talk or-"

"I- need to... Fix something."

"Okay, hyung. I'll be right there." He assured and hung up. "Tae, I need to leave." He said putting on a jacket. "I'll text if I'm back late... Or early." He rushed out without giving Taehyung a chance to say anything. He quickly called up a taxi and went to the address. When he reached the destination, he ran up stairs and reached the door, that was unlocked. Hoseok opened it and saw a tiny, yet messy apartment. All that was there was a mattress with a blanket, a considerably small bag, there seemed to be a tiny room, presumably a bathroom. On the mattress a small body was laying curled up in a ball. Yoongi's clothes were ripped. Hoseok walked closer, closing the door behind him, and noticed that Yoongi was pulling on something. It was rope. He had wrapped it around his neck tightly.  His face was turning blue at this point. Hoseok dropped to the floor and loosened the nook. "Fuck." He cursed as the older was laying senseless. "Hyung, answer to me. What happened?"

"He followed me... And beat me again." Hoseok noticed new bruises through the ripped shirt. "... Raped me..." He just stayed still, refusing to move from his place and with a blank expression. "He silenced me with his cock at first... Then with his strong hands."

"I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner." He glanced at the nook. "Where did you get the rope from?"

"I've had it for awhile... Sometimes my hands weren't enough. I'm not as strong as him. It helps me to recreate the feeling."

"I get that you don't want too, but... Please... Let's go to the police."

Yoongi was staring at him like Hoseok had just tortured an innocent kitten and killed a newborn. "... No... Some of my bruises are self inflicted... They won't believe me."

"You don't know that. I'll be with you."

"Don't help me... Don't get close to me... You might get hurt."

"I don't fucking care." His eyes explored the weakened body. "I don't care at all. I won't rest until you're safe."

"But I'm an adult... No one cares if someone forces themselves on me. Especially if it's a person I'm in a relationship with. And a gay one... Fuck... If you'd come with me, then they'll suspect us. Shit, Seok-Seok... I can't do this to you."

"What if I wait outside the PD?"

"Are you sure I should go?"

"Yes. Of cause."

"Think of Jay. I don't think-"

"Hyung... If you're so scared then let's call Jay."

"No, no! He can't know this."

"He's been suspecting things." Hoseok said and Yoongi shivered from fear.

"What?"

"It's true. So... Is it okay if I call him to ask for advice?" After what seemed like forever, Yoongi nodded. "Okay." He took out his phone and found the app he was looking for. He noticed that Jay was online. Before calling him he sat down so Yoongi could lay down on him as if sleeping. Finally Jay answered and looked at the two worried. He instantly noticed bruises, the black eye.

"Did he beat you?" He asked firmly while trying to control his growing rage. Yoongi shrugged into Hoseok and closed his eyes. "I apologise for his behaviour. What can I do?"

"That's why we're calling." Hoseok spoke up tenderly running his fingers through Yoongi's black hair. "We don't know what to do about him. Yoongi hyung fears the police won't take it seriously for certain reasons, and the police might find out about the group's activity. But we can't let him not face responsibility."

"I understand that... Hmm. If you truly still care about him... What if you take him to rehab?"

"He won't go." Yoongi murmured.

"I think Wonshik could help. He's the closest with my father. You just need to explain him the situation first. I've noticed he's been suspicious for awhile. So, it shouldn't be too difficult."

"No... Why can't this be a secret?"

"Hyung, with all due respect, I see, through this shit quality screen, that he's using you like a punching bag. Fuck what other's think. You deserve help for this. He's a real dick for doing this. And I don't care if he's my father. I would suggest you to tell the police, but the other top one would be the rehab plan. I believe these to be the best solutions."

"Thank you, Jay." Hoseok spoke for Yoongi, who just wanted to leave everything behind.

"Anytime. Tell what what you do about him, okay?" This question was directed at Yoongi so the oldest nodded. "Alright. I don't mean to be a bitch, but I have an exam in like four hours."

"Of cause. Go to sleep. We'll call up Wonshik." He felt Yoongi shiver. "Probably." They ended the call with Jay and Hoseok pulled Yoongi closer so he could whisper into his ear. "Can you show me what happened?"

Yoongi sat up and took a deep sigh. He took of his T-shirt and jeans with tiny winces escaping his lips. He was resting against the wall while sitting on the mattress. Hoseok noticed new cuts on his ribs. "Only three." He pointed at his chest and the different colours. "The darker ones are from yesterday and today." There were at least ten. "My arms... He would usually punch me on my upper arms. And..." He showed at his hips and thigh. "He scratched me like an hour ago... Because I didn't allow him to fuck me... But... He's stronger... He won. There are a few scratches on my back and neck. I got the black eye yesterday..."

"Can you tell me how?" Hoseok tried sounding comforting and strong when he felt like throwing up.

"He... Didn't like what I said... And he pushed down to the ground, but I accidentally hit the table... With my face..." All that he spoke was barely audible. That said even more. His moves were calculated and slow to avoid the stinging sensations. "I offered... Him to go to rehab for alcohol... I'm not sure if talking to Wonshik will work. He might just get angrier."

Hoseok took Yoongi's hands and kissed his knuckles. "I will protect you with my life. You don't deserve to be treated like this."

"You're so mature... And so young... So pure..."

"I'm not pure... No one is." He went to the older's bag and found new clothes for Yoongi. He put them next to the other man and, out of his bag, he took out a little box. He opened the first aid kit and took a tissue and went to the bathroom to wet it. Then he used it to clean all wounds. Then he took what Yoongi was sure will sting and cleaned them out more thoroughly. Later he put bandages on the newest wounds and dressed Yoongi in a shirt. The older put on trousers himself. He didn't seem to be too comfortable with Hoseok taking care of him like that. "Can we talk to him?" The younger asked fixing the collar.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm certain it's a good idea. Yet I won't force you into it."

"Okay." He gave in. "Okay... He should be at the club. His work hours aren't over yet."

"Then we can go." He turned around, but felt that Yoongi was still standing still. "What's wrong?"

"Not yet." He went to his bag and found some makeup and with a mirror in one hand and a brush in the other he covered up his black eye. Hoseok didn't like that. But he couldn't even begin to imagine how the older was feeling at that moment. When Yoongi was done they left and got a cab to get to the club.  
  


Once there, DJ Ravi, that was Wonshik's stage name, was going down the strains to rest as DJ H.One took over. He noticed the two walking up to him and stopped to wait for them. He also noticed that Yoongi was practically hiding behind Hoseok and not revealing his face. He quickly frowned. Hoseok asked to go somewhere where there would be only the three of them. Wonshik showed them to a private room and he closed the door. "Yoongi hyung, what happened?" He didn't answer and just continued to look at the floor feeling the guilt of the conversation consume him.

"We need your help to convince Vasco hyung to go to rehab." Hoseok said without sugarcoating.

"I see." He walked up to the older. "Can you tell me why?"

"He might get hurt from-" he tried thinking of something on the spot, but Hoseok took his hand. "I'm hurt."

He lifted Yoongi's head gently. "Oh..." He noticed the try of concealing. "Where else?" Yoongi sighed and unbuttoned his shirt. He slid the material off down to his wrists, showing the bruises. Wonshik's eyes widened. "Did he cut you?" Yoongi shook his head and Wonshik comprehended the meaning of the action. "Sorry about that." He saw scratch marks on the sides. "Son of a bitch!" He understood what they ment. "Are you sure you don't want to go the police and arrest that criminal?" Yoongi quickly shook his head. "Okay. Dress up, hyung, and let's go talk to him." Yoongi instantly felt weak. Vasco was _there_.

"It's okay, hyung. He won't be able to get through us." Hoseok assured.

"You don't know how strong he is..." He said hesitantly.

"Don't worry. You're not alone. Remember that." Wonshik smiled at him for encouragement and they went to the other room. The room where Vasco was.

When they opened the door the oldest lifted up his gaze and sighed. "Fuck all of you."

"We're just here to talk, hyung." Wonshik told him.

"Yoongi, come to me." He commanded and the younger was ready to comply, but Hoseok put his hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to."

Yoongi looked at him with sad eyes. "I want to try." And he went towards Vasco and sat down next to him. "Hyung... Please... Go... Go to rehab."

"I'm not mental, unlike you." He answered in a mean tone.

"I know... I know... I'm the one with the mental illness..." Yoongi agreed without hesitation. "But you do have an addiction... And that not also hurts you... It hurts the people around you."

"Don't act like a victim. You're so manipulative."

"I'm sorry... I know I am not. You're right..." He couldn't find the strength to fight for his freedom and happiness.

"Yeah, I am."

"But... Hyung... I... I am hurt... You _did_ hurt me... And did things I didn't want you to."

"You did. You wanted all this."  He leaned closer to Yoongi and kissed him roughly to make him forget all the arguments. He pushed the younger down and slid his hand down Yoongi's jeans. At that moment tears began washing Yoongi's face.

"I don't want this... I don't love you anymore... Not like I used to. I don't want to do this with you... It's just pain..."

"You want this. You just don't understand that you do." He pressed his hand hard and Yoongi winced out a weak please.

"Get away from him!" Wonshik said firmly. "That's sexual assault."

"Shut up." Vasco hissed not letting go of Yoongi, who was trembling.

"You can't do this. Don't you realise this is wrong?!" Hoseok couldn't bare seeing Yoongi so terrified and broken.

"Is that what you mean?" He turned at Yoongi in a flash and  startled the man. "You're cheating on me? Hm!?" He moved his hand to Yoongi's throat and pushed down and the younger choked. Wonshik quickly pushed him away and Hoseok grabbed Yoongi and pull him into a tight and secure hug.

"I- I- have never- never che-ated on you... I swear..."

"Then why else wouldn't you want any of it?"

"I don't love you... You hurt me. I'm breaking... The main thought for the past few years have been death... I crave it because it just hurts too much to stay. I feel worthless... You don't help me. If you'd love me, you'd help me... Like I'm trying to help you... Go to rehab."

"That's just an excuse!" He tried getting Wonshik away from him. "Hoseok! You've been sleeping with him!"

"No!" Yoongi was sobbing at this point and shaking. The only thing keeping him from falling to the ground was Hoseok's hold.

"Vasco, listen to me." Wonshik grabbed the older by the shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. "I've known you for so long. This is not you. Get the treatment. At least think of your son. What are you teaching Jay? You need help. Understand that we're not the enemies."

"I don't need help."

"Yoongi does. You are breaking a strong person apart. Don't you remembered the beginning of the relationship? You started dating an independent and confident individual. Do you see what you have done? You need to do this for yourself and him. For your son. We've been friends for so long. I wouldn't say it if I wouldn't care for you and wouldn't think it was right. Honestly, I would probably call the cops on you. Be grateful he's being so forgiving and easy on you. He is letting you fix yourself. Take the opportunity. Thank the one who's been by your side and tried to help you."

Vasco closed his eyes and sighed. "Fuck... What have I done..." He glanced at Yoongi's crooked frame. "I- there are no words to repay such acts... I'm sorry... I'll go... But... How about this?"

"I'll take care of it. I am the second man in charge." Wonshik assured. "Just get a treatment. Built up a strong sense of self that won't harm you or others."

Vasco stood up and walked over to Yoongi. "I'm sorry. If you wish, go back to our place. I'll get my things. If you don't want to, sell it. I don't know when I'll return."

"I wish you well." Yoongi said still wrapped by Hoseok's arms, where he did hope to stay. "I can't get rid off the place. You'll need a place when you come back, but I won't live there. I can't."

"Sell it. I'll be okay."

"Hyung-"

"Please, pick up the pieces I've broken." Vasco walked out.

Yoongi turned to Hoseok and hugged him back. He was holding on for dear life as he was breathing heavily, deeply, shaken. The younger was rubbing his back as Wonsik was trying think it all through. He texted Vasco. He assured to meet him soon. "Hyung, what would you like right now?" Hoseok asked.

"I'm exhausted... I want to sleep." He said quietly.

"Let's get you back home."

"Where is that?"

"That's something you have to answer yourself." Hoseok pushed the loose strains out of the shorter man's face. "Just say where and I'll take you there. And everywhere else."

"You're  too good to me." Yoongi  looked up with  guilt written in the worried expression.

"Don't  think  that. I simply  care for  you."

Yoongi turned at Wonshik. "Thank you..."

"Of cause, that's not a problem. Try to get some rest now, okay? I'll take care of things here and with him."

"I can help."

"Thanks, hyung, but it's already late today."

Yoongi nodded and let Hoseok lead him out. They got a cab and there Yoongi made up his mind to go back to their (his and Vasco's) house. On the ride there Hoseok informed Taehyung that he may likely not return to the dorm that night. They reached the place and as the taxi drove off they were still standing by the door, of not the biggest house, from the outside looking cosy. After counting to twenty Yoongi kneeled down and moved a pot with a plant aside. There he removed one brick and took a key. He moved the objects back to their places and stood up. After an intake of a deep breath he unlocked the door and the two walked in. The inside was a mess. Broken things were scattered everywhere. "There's more than before I left." Yoongi said picking up a broken frame with a picture of him and Vasco kissing. He ran his fingers over the shattered glass and cut his fingertips, which he only noticed after the blood began smearing on the item. Hoseok took his hand off. During most situations he would be terrified by blood, the view of all and the new knowledge. But that wasn't the time to remember his fears. He had to stay next to someone he cared for. Yoongi looked up with an empty gaze. "This was six years ago. A month after we started dating... Everything was so different back then. We were so different." He loosened his grip and let it fall to the ground and more glass smashed onto the floor. "None of it matters anymore..."

"It does. The past helps people to grow strong. You shouldn't live in the past, but you should know what built you."

"The building has collapsed."

"Then let's restore it, build it back up. Make it invincible."

"You would really do that for me? With me?" It seemed like a glimmer of hope in his voice.

"Of cause, hyung." Hoseok smiled softly with his dimples and noticed a change in Yoongi's figure. It was less constricted. "We should go clean up your hands now. Where's the bathroom?" Yoongi glanced at the red staining not only his, but also Hoseok's skin. Moments later he guided them to the bathroom. He washed his hands and Hoseok cleaned them out. "Do you need bandages?" Yoongi shook his head. The blood had stopped running. They weren't deep cuts. Hoseok kissed them and the older was watching with wide eyes. "Are you sure you wish to stay here for the night?"

"Yeah... I can't let go just yet. I feel like I need to spend some time here. Think about everything."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"You're a student. You have what to worry about."

"Don't worry your mind about that. I'd be happy to be with you if wish for me to."

"I am scared. Scared to be alone right now." Yoongi found the courage to admit. "Please... I want to heal, but I'm frightened by my prior actions. I worry that I might become impulsive and... Take my own life."

"Okay, hyung. It's late. You've mentioned you want to go to sleep."

"Yeah. The bedroom is upstairs." They left the bathroom and went up wooden stairs, that seemed to have had some hits. Hoseok feared that Yoongi might have been thrown at them. They were in a dark hall. Yoongi didn't turn the light on. Hoseok didn't blame him for not bothering too. They entered the bedroom. Dim light lit it from the outside. It was the tidiest place in the house (so far). Even the bed was made. "This is where we'd pretend. Where we'd go back six years." It's like he had read Hoseok's mind. He then went over to a wardrobe and took out a baggy T-shirt. He handed it to Hoseok. "I left a lot of things there when I ran away earlier today. This should be comfy for you." He went to the bed to get the shirt he had near it. Yoongi began removing his clothes until he was left in his underwear. Even though there wasn't a lot of light, but there was enough to let Hoseok see the harm done. Instead of staring he changed as well and they laid down in the bed. Yoongi curled up in Hoseok's hold. "Do you think I should... Stay here?"

"I really don't know, hyung. I think I couldn't."

"There are memories I can't bare, but... It's my home. Everything is here. Monsters included... But they are in my head anyways." He slowly let his arms wrap around Hoseok's waist.

"Would you feel comfortable living here? After everything."

"Probably not. Seok-Seok... You have no idea how much shit there is to go through buy or renting a place while selling the other. That would be easier." He closed his eyes. "Never mind." He went silent. Like he had instantly fallen asleep. Hoseok understood that it was pretend to not face any heartbreaking topics. Yoongi needed a rest, to begin with.

After a few hours Hoseok woke up and noticed that Yoongi was gone. He sat up and looked around. The bedroom door was  open. He went out into the corridor. He noticed one door was  slightly open. He tiptoed to it and peeked through the crack. There he saw Yoongi, in that bathroom, holding a knife at his wrist. Vertically along the veins. He seemed hesitant. Hoseok tried his best to be careful and walked forward. "Hyung." He whispered. Yoongi didn't move except for a small pout appearing on his face. "Please, hyung, hand me the knife." Tears started streaming down Yoongi's face, but his position didn't change. "Please." He handed out his hand and eventually Yoongi placed it in his hand carefully.

"I'm sorry. I'm weak. I crave the addiction."

"You're not weak. You're stronger than you can imagine. And your strength will only grow." He put away the knife and took Yoongi back to bed. He placed his lips on Yoongi's wrist and went down to  his elbow. "Your lifeline... It's as brilliant as you. You don't need to decorate it."

The older was staring at Hoseok for awhile. Taking in the details of the younger's exterior, the demeanor and frame, honest and open. Inviting. He leaned in a pressed his mouth to Hoseok's. They didn't move. Simply stayed in that position for some time until Yoongi pulled away. "I'm sorry. I know it's inappropriate." He looked down.

"It's- it's okay. It's just..." Hoseok took both of  Yoongi's hands. "I... I don't know what to do now... What do you want me to do?" Yoongi maneuvered onto the younger's lap and kissed him again with all his power. Which wasn't that much. His palms then found place on Hoseok's chest. Hoseok was used to putting his hands on a person who would kiss him and he put them on Yoongi's hips. The older whimpered into the other's mouth. "I apologise." He raised his hands up and away from Yoongi's body, the scratch marks, that he has touched a moment prior.

"No, no... Please... Hold me." He begged and eventually Hoseok moved his hands back tenderly. Yoongi smirked tiredly. "Do you want to do something with me? Something fun?" He bit into his lower lip.

"I..." Hoseok cleared his throat. "It's not a right time. You should rest for now. Heal. Have a chance to put the piece of yourself together."

"But... Why don't you want to fuck me? The way you would look at me in class- didn't you think of it? Am I that unappealing?"

"No, no, hyung. You're amazing. It's simply not the healthiest option now. I would just be using your vulnerability. When the big wave passes and if you'd truly want it... We could make love." He moved his hands up to Yoongi's waist and wrapped his arms around it, pulling the older into his warm embrace. The body laid still, but Hoseok felt wet spots on the shirt. "It will be okay. I'm sure you'll be a greatly happy man. I'll try my best to ensure it."

"If we'd both want this... Thank you, Seok-Seok... Thank you for all you do. Thank you for not using me at this pathetically weak point. And I'm sorry I'm crying so much. I haven't had a good cry in years. I might be crossing that line of holding back."

"It's okay to cry. It can make you feel so much better." And like that, the man laying on top broke down in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	7. I’ll be there when you call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let it be whatever  
> I don’t care  
> what I am going through in life
> 
> I’ll be there when you call  
> by your side and always  
> I’ll take your pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title & summary: Youngjae (GOT7) – At the Usual Time

When Hoseok woke up he saw Yoongi lightly tapping his fingers by Hoseok's side on the mattress as the older man himself still had his head on the younger's stomach. Hoseok brushed his hand through the raven black hair and Yoongi moved his head up and locked gazes with the other guy. "Hey, Seok-Seok." He said with a raspy morning voice and a plain face. "Did I wake you up?"

"Hey, hyung. You didn't." He was still gently roaming his fingers in the dark strains.

"During the night... I- thank you for saving my life." He seemed so fragile at that moment.

"I've made a promise to you, hyung. I intend to keep it willingly."

Yoongi turned his head and was now facing the wall. "Well... I do appreciate it. It might not be believable since I wanted to do _it_ at the moment so eagerly, but I wish to fight... And if not for you, I'd be dead now." The meaning of the words made Hoseok anxious, yet he reminded himself to breathe. "It's like you were sent from heaven." He moved his hand to Hoseok's and lift it up slightly. Offering the younger to take it if he wants to. He did and their fingers laced together.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mh? Oh, yeah."

"Have you thought of going to a doctor to see if you don't have any major physical injuries?"

"Two years ago I broke my leg and fractured my ribs. I went then."

"Do you wish to share how that happened?"

"You saw the railing of the stairs, right?" Hoseok hummed a yes. "I... Fell down those stairs and hit the railing a bit on the way." He snickered like it was just a fun story of something like catching frogs as a child.

" _Fell_...?"

"You know what I mean, Hoseokie. But I did go too far that time."

"What do you mean _too far_?"

"I punched back. Well, tried to. He caught my fist. I tried kicking then. He was too drunk to feel that." He sighed. "But it doesn't matter now."

"Speaking of now, would you like to see a doctor?" The younger male suggested.

"I don't think I need to. It's just my wrist that's a bit much."

"Perhaps it wouldn't be the worst idea to get it checked?"

"It's just sprained. The way it happened... Nothing serious was done to it." Yoongi understood that Hoseok will listen and encourage, but won't force or reject him. "My hand was pulled fast and strong and sudden. Later I did accidentally smacked it at the bedside table, but it's fine."

"If it feels worse later, then see one, okay?"

"Yeah, alright." He shivered as he heard the entrance door open, steps towards the bedroom get louder. They sat up and Yoongi crawled closer to the edge of the bed. The bedroom door swung open and Yoongi flinched as he saw Vasco standing there. "Are... Aren't you supposed to be..."

"Aren't you supposed to not be sleeping with other people?"

"I'm sorry, it's not- fuck, Hoseok is just keeping an eye on me. We didn't-" he raised his hands in defense and Vasco marched towards him, laying him down and lifting up the T-shirt.

"You've cut yourself again!" He raised a fist up and Yoongi shuddered. Hoseok pulled Yoongi to him and Yoongi clung around Hoseok's arm like a baby koala.

"You know why I do this." He answered.

Vasco lowered his arm. "No. Because you never talk of this, you cunt. You lie and deny."

"I do this because you hurt me!" He screamed. "But then you hurt me for it. What do you think I do then? I hurt myself again. It's a fucking loop!"

"You're an idiot!"

"I know! I'm an idiot who stayed with an alcoholic abuser!"

"Hyung..." Hoseok put his free hand on the back of Yoongi's neck and kissed his forehead. "You're not an idiot." He turned at Vasco with eyes full of fury and disgust. In a low and threatening voice he said. "But you are. Yes, you too are hurt. Yes, you don't know how to cope so you turn to alcohol that leads to such behavior. Yet someone with common sense and respect for others would try to better themselves instead of hurting someone loyal from fear. Get what you need and get the fuck out. Get help and stay away from Yoongi hyung until you learn to control yourself."

Vasco was standing still for awhile and then turned at the one he used to truly love dearly some time ago. "You could have waited until I'm gone to sleep with him. No matter what I have done, I have never cheated on you."

"I know you didn't. Thank you. I didn't either. I almost killed myself tonight. Hoseok prevented me from doing it."

"You really... You really do consider ending your life?"

"I've been telling you for almost a year now!"

"I thought you were trying to get attention!"

"Well, kinda! I wanted you to become you again. And I wanted you to stop doing this to me. But I mostly want to end the pain. I remember your first punch, hyung. I clearly remember it. Like a new one. That one hurt the most. I believed it was a one time thing. Especially since you actually apologised for it."

"I still knew what I was doing back then."

"I know. I could read that in your eyes. They still told me you love me. Later I started to wonder if they say you don't feel anything for me anymore or do you hate me." He let go of the younger and crawled back over to the edge of the bed. Hoseok was hesitant about that decision, but he knew Yoongi was not hopeless, stupid or weak. He was clever, genuine and selfless. "I don't know what they are saying now."

"I hate seeing you like this."

"Then help yourself." He was looking up through the dark lashes.

"You too."

He nodded. "I will. I hope we can one day be together peacefully for at least ten minutes when alone."

"But never... Never again... Stay together?"

"We both have changed. We will change in the process. We don't want the same things. There is no point in trying to sail on a sinking ship." They were stating at each other for what could have been longer than the conversation they shared. And then suddenly Vasco simply left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. They sat still on the bed as long as they heard rustling around the house. Until Vasco left. After that Yoongi leaned forward and laid face down on the bed. Hoseok rubbed his back in a tender touch. Yoongi took a few minutes to compose himself and then he straightened up. "Let's go wash up, Seok-Seok." And they did. Yoongi made them breakfast in a considerably tidy kitchen. Hoseok helped as much as Yoongi felt comfortable. As they were drinking coffee (Yoongi) and tea (Hoseok), they didn't sit in silence. "Do you have some lectures today?"

"No. You?"

"One. At two p.m."

"What if you call in sick today?"

"I can't. I need my salary."

"I don't think one day will be so bad, hyung." Hoseok expressed his point of view. "It's not healthy to put too much on yourself. If you need to take a break, you should."

"I should clean this place up. It's not usually like this. I like to keep my home tidy, but we've been arguing a lot more for about a week. I never found the time and it kept getting worse."

"I can help you clean if you'd like. I enjoy doing it." Hoseok offered. "And, as I've mentioned, I don't have any lectures today."

"I can't actually make you do this. You've already done too much. I can't use you for my own convince. You probably have some studies to catch up on. I already bothered you by calling last night. Then you stayed and I fucked up with my _suicidal tendencies._ Don't stop your life for this bullshit, Seok."

"Hyung..." The younger closed his eyes momentarily and then looked up with a soft smile. "I'm not stopping anything. What do you even think I'd do? I would procrastinate for hours anyways. I could be productive with you."

"But... Do you actually want to help me out with this? It's an obnoxious mess."

"Yeah." Hoseok's warm radiance put Yoongi at ease and he smirked. "It would also give us more time to spend together. And I like being with you. I like _you_."

Yoongi's gaze dropped down. "I like you too."

  
Later Yoongi called up the university to information that he felt ill. He got the permission to stay home and he and Hoseok agreed to get to work. They firstly went around the kitchen, which needed minor attention. Then they tackled the bedroom. Bathroom came next. They went to the living room after. They could barely see the floor through the revel. Most of the things there were broken. And the majority were put into trash bags to be thrown out later. Hoseok suddenly picked up a random shoe as he made eye contact with Yoongi. "Oh? That's where it went. Sometimes I forget what I throw. I was ready to buy a new pair to replace it." He forced out a chuckled, which seemed effortless from a first glance. As half of the room was cleaned out Hoseok stumbled upon a photo album. He raised it up with a question written across his features. Yoongi walked up to him and sat down right next to the younger. He took the album from his hands and opened it. The first two pictures were one of Yoongi and the other of Vasco. They were awkwardly smiling. A small smile appeared on Yoongi's face. "The first photos we took of each other." He turned to about the middle. First photo was of Yoongi screaming his lungs out in a concert. Second, Vasco kissing a blushing Yoongi on the cheek in candle light. Third, Vasco standing by the fridge looking through with a cigarette in between his fingers and wearing only his boxers. Fourth, like the prior, but the photographer's (Yoongi's) hand pulling on the band of the underwear and a smug smirk on Vasco's face. The latter two showed off tattoos Hoseok wasn't aware the older guy had. Yoongi flipped to the next page. First picture, Yoongi in a light blue dress shirt that was too big for him, so most likely Vasco's, buttons done only from the waist down. The shirt went down to his mid thighs. A bright and wide gummy smile and a peace sign accompanied. Hoseok wondered if Yoongi was actually wearing anything else besides the shirt in the photograph. And the other must have read his mind or guessed it perfectly as he commented. "No, just the shirt." Second, Yoongi sleeping all curled up in an armchair. Third, Yoongi sleeping in the bed and still in clothes. He was hunched and his hands were in between his thighs. Fourth, taken by a person sitting on the couch. His (spread) legs were seen in the photo. Vasco was on his knees on the floor. His forearms rested on Yoongi's thighs and fingers playing with the hem of Yoongi's sweatpants. A hungry expression followed with eyes on the _target_. Yoongi turned the page again. First, Yoongi seemingly on Vasco's lap. The photo is from the waist up so Hoseok wasn't sure. Vasco's was marking Yoongi's neck. More marks were painted on the naked body. Yoongi's head launched back, eyes closed, lips parted, Vasco's hand in his hair. Yoongi's hands roaming Vasco's body. Hoseok didn't want to assume like this, but it seemed like the picture was taken while Yoongi might have been riding Vasco to a bliss. Hoseok couldn't believe Yoongi wasn't bothered with him seeing all those intimate images. Second, Yoongi laid down on the bed, still taken from the waist up, more hickeys on the pale complexion. He was biting into his lower lip and grabbing onto the sheets. Third, Yoongi in the typical clothes he wears to work, slacks and a dress shirt, but his hands were tied up from the front, on his neck there was a collar with words _'Daddy's pet'_ , a red rose was in his mouth as he was staring at the camera with lust and seductive charm. Fourth, taken from the side. Vasco kissing Yoongi as the flower petals covered their mouths. Next page. First, Yoongi sitting on the couch and possibly watching TV. He was wearing boxer briefs and a [T-shirt](https://www.lookhuman.com/design/323505-ah-men-gay-jesus/tshirt) with Jesus wearing a rainbow outfit and the words _'Ah, men'._ He was also holding a bottle of beer in his hand. Second, Vasco cooking some food by the stove. Third, a picture of Vasco and Yoongi in bed with messy hair and Yoongi looking unpleased. "I hate mornings." Yoongi whispered, giving the picture more content. Fourth, Vasco getting a hand print tattoo on his chest. Hoseok winced seeing the needle. That made Yoongi chuckle and he turned the page again. First, Vasco taking off his shirt. Second, Yoongi rapping along to Kanye West as he was watching a music video on YouTube. Third, Yoongi checking himself out in the mall's mirror while in a skirt. The tag of which was too blurry to read. In the refection Vasco's frame was visible by the curtain. Fourth, Yoongi resting in a bathtub with bubbles and candles. Yoongi turned at the very last page. The first picture was of him on the end of the bed crawling towards the one with the camera. Second and last one, Vasco kissing down Yoongi's bare upper body and undoing the belt. The photo taken from Yoongi's upper view. On the cover of the photo album, there was a pouch attached. Hoseok thought there were presumably over ten CDs. Yoongi smiled smugly and mischievously. "The things you still don't know about your professor, Seok-Seok." That took Hoseok off guard. Did he... Did Yoongi mean... Were those... Did he film himself... And Vasco...? Yoongi examined Hoseok's expression. "You look like you are thinking of the true content of these disks." Hoseok's mouth fell ajar and Yoongi snickered and stood up. "But it doesn't matter now." He put the album away and continued working in his corner. Hoseok did too when he snapped out.

  
Around lunch they finished cleaning up the room. Hence Yoongi didn't have much food left he ordered pica as Hoseok received a phone call. It was Namjoon. He answered hesitantly. "Hello?"

"Hobi, hyung! Oh, you're okay... Wait you are are you?"

"Yeah, of cause. Why are you asking?"

"Taehyung said you just... Just... Ran out. What happened?"

"My friend needs me now, Joon. It was and is extremely important."

"Oh... Do you need any help?"

"No, no. I'm fine. I simply need to stay here for him. Don't worry about me."

"Okay. But know that you can always call me or any of us if you ever do need anything."

"I know. Thanks."

"Alright, take care for now."

"You too." He hung up and returned to the living room where Yoongi was sitting on the couch and going through his phone.

"Anything important?" Yoongi asked putting his phone down on the table as Hoseok sat down next to him.

"No. My friend just checked up on me. I didn't really tell anyone where I'm going last night. I simply left, rushed out."

"You rushed out without and explanation for me?" Yoongi was quiet as he has locked gazes with Hoseok, who took his hand and rubbed the top of it with his thumb.

"Of cause. And I would always do this for you, hyung." He pulled Yoongi's hand to his lips to kiss it. It was beginning to become a habit. Yoongi's eyes were fixed on him with fascination. "I care about you. And you're there for me also. Like the time I had a panic attack during your lecture."

"I remember that, but I've recently forgotten you suffer with anxiety. I'm sorry. I suppose I'm in a very selfish state of mind."

"You're not. And you don't have to stop yourself from working on your pain just because I may have the occasional panic. I actually keep getting better at controlling it. Jay was my main comfort not too long ago. You're actions helped me as well. The weed also helped." He smiled hearing a faint laugh from Yoongi. Than the older's eyes moved to Hoseok's bracelet.

"He's great. Such an intelligent, mature and caring guy." His stare moved back up at Hoseok's. "May I ask why you ended things?"

"We were just too close as friends. We didn't see marrying each other one day. And marriage was on both of ours to do list, so to speak. We are still just as close, simply without the certain... _Intimacy_... If you know what I mean."

"Yeah. My relationship with my girlfriend was similar in highschool. We were too much like friends. Yet I don't regret it at all. She was my first at so much and I'm thankful for all of it."

"I feel like that with Jay too."

"Um... Wonshik texted while you were talking to your friend. He... They... Went there. Vasco's there. But not only for alcohol..."

"What else? Anger management?"

"He... Was secretly... Doing stronger drugs... I don't know how I didn't notice... Fuck! I should have."

"Don't blame yourself for that."

"It was cocaine, Hoseok. That's... Shit, I don't know."

"None of what happened is your fault. Remember that, Yoongi hyung."

"We used to have great times together... Perhaps... That was when the first change happened?"

"Maybe."

  
Moments later the pica delivery man showed up. After they ate they finished cleaning around the house in a few hours as much as they could. Some of the furniture and walls had cracks. Yoongi decided he will try to renovate the place as possible. "But why? Will you live here? I thought you'll sell it." The taller asked.

"I'm not sure. This is my ideal house. It's at a great place. The city center and work are at a decent distance. If I renew it and see a therapist... I might be able to live here happy. Maybe even with somebody..."

"If you're sure about it. Can I help you do that though?"

"Hoseok, you've done enough."

"I really don't mind. Especially since I would be spending time with you."

"I still will need to by all this after work for these few days. We can discuss it on Saturday. You're coming on Saturday, right?"

"Yeah. I am. Have you thought of what to tell them if Vasco hasn't said anything himself?"

"I'll talk with Wonshik about that. He had probably already asked Vasco what he wants the group to know."

"You're right." Hoseok stretched and glanced at the clock. It was an early evening.

"You probably have classes tomorrow, don't you? Of cause you do. I held you back and interrupted your studying. I'm so sorry, Hoseokie... I didn't mean to..." He looked down.

"No, no. Don't stress about it. And... You don't need to apologise so much. You're not doing anything wrong." The younger spoke calmly and gently.

"O- okay..."

"Are you sure you wouldn't want me to stay for the night though? Just in case."

"I'll be fine."

"Call me if you want to do anything. No matter how minor, insignificant or even pathetic it my seem. Call me."

"I promise."

"Thank you, hyung. Thank you for that." Hoseok kissed Yoongi on the cheek and slipped into his shoes quickly as he smiled at him.

"Seok!" Yoongi rushed to the door and took something out of his pocket. "Just in case." He gave him his house key.

"Again, thank you."

"Thank you too. I'll never be able to say that enough."

"You don't have to."

 

Hoseok returned to the dorm and Taehyung took a deep sigh of relief while sitting by the computer on the bed. "Finally. Where were you? Why were you gone for so long? You look tired."

"Don't worry, TaeTae. I'm great. I was with a friend. I'll go take a quick shower now."

  
-

  
On Saturday Hoseok found out that Vasco had asked to simply say part of the truth. He's in rehab. That was all. While smoking, Yoongi, who's black eye has almost healed and barely even visible anymore due to makeup, ended up laying his head down on Hoseok's lap and blowing out the circles into the younger's direction, which he had completely agreed with. Yoongi asked for permission to do so. Eventually he fell asleep like this. As everyone were having a conversion Hoseok hadn't even noticed that he had begun to caress the sleeping man's hair. No one made a comment about it. They realised that Hoseok must know a lot more than they about the new situation.

Hours later, after Yoongi has woke up and was awake for some time, he was ready to go home. Hoseok looked at him with the expression that clearly asked if he can come with and do as they had briefly discussed earlier that week. Yoongi nodded and they left together. When they arrived at Yoongi's place they went straight to the bedroom. Didn't even look around. They changed, washed up, enveloped in each other's arms and fell asleep awaiting for the next day's work and conversions.


	8. Empire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Of Monsters And Men.
> 
> Sexual content.

After waking up Hoseok opened his eyes and he saw Yoongi sitting on the edge of the bed going through a drawer of the bedside table, on which warm drinks and food was placed. "Good morning, hyung." Hoseok said sitting up and leaning closer to the other man and kissing his shoulder.

"Good morning, Hoseok." Yoongi took his hand in with a soft smirk. "I got you breakfast in bed."

"Oh? Thank you, Yoongi hyung. You're so sweet." He flashed him a dimply smile.

"It's the least I can do. Especially after the sacrifices you have made for me."

"I'm not making sacrifices, I'm simply choosing to not abandon you."

"That's more than I could ask."

"You don't have to ask. I don't mind it."

  
After a casually cosy breakfast they went to the living room. Yoongi has already fixed up the holes and cracks and pulled the furniture aside, laid down something to protect the floor all around the house. Now they wanted to paint the walls. They both picked colours for every room. Same with the ceiling. That's what they did every weekend after leaving the club. They also bought new furniture, well Hoseok helped Yoongi pick it out from IKEA and then build it together, place it where it should be. Put the things in them. Decorate. They even fixed the stair's railing. Several months later the corridor on the second floor was filled with still packaged furniture. It was for the bedroom, which was the only place where they haven't finished painting the walls. They had only a plain white colour based there. Yoongi said he has planned something special. All of this experience has been full of joy for them. They joked around and got to know each other even better. Truly become closer. They also had the clothes specifically for it that were ruined already, yet they were probably going to throw them out afterwards anyway. But it was all worth it as the house had become a safe home.

The special idea for the wall did have to wait. Hoseok had finished his studies and Yoongi was not going to accepted him in his home until he celebrates with his friends and family for the whole week. He assured that it will wait till next weekend. Yoongi had a moved therapy appointment moved on Sunday anyways.

-

The next Saturday, after Hoseok didn't have a raging hangover anymore, he and Yoongi were heading to the club. As they opened the door Hoseok was surprised (and frightened, which made sense, considering he would sometimes even be scared of his own shadow, that was something Yoongi found the most adorable and funny about the younger one) by people, his friends, cheering him on. The place was decorated in honor of Hoseok finishing university. He was laughing cheerfully as Yoongi, who has grown so much in the past few months and learnt the ways to let himself cope, heal and be genuinely happy and optimistic, hopeful, was standing next to the younger man with a wide, bright and _real_ gummy grin plastered across his face. What also excited Hoseok was seeing his close friend Jay visit him from America just to commemorate his accomplishment. The party lasted until dawn and Yoongi went home with Hoseok with their arms around each other to keep their steps steadier as they were both decently intoxicated. When they reached the place they flopped down on the sofa and fell asleep in an instance. The sofa was already open and turned into a bed for them. That was where they slept while the bedroom hadn't been finished.

-

They woke up around noon in an awkward and quite intimate position all wrapped up in each other. Neither of them bothered to move for awhile. Eventually, after a short 'morning' talk they went to clean up and eat. They did spend a couple of hours just chilling and chatting about random things until they felt sober enough to get to work. Hoseok walked up to Yoongi, who was opening different cans of paint. They were all different colours too. Many paint brushes laid on the floor near. "So, hyung, what was your idea?"

"I think we should just randomly splatter random colours of our choice onto this one wall. The bed will be against the opposite wall so it should look cool."

"Alright. I'm in. That sounds really fun. I always wanted to throw paint and not worry about the mess. You're making my dreams come true."

Yoongi chuckled at Hoseok's response. "You too." He looked down. "Okay. I guess we just... Do it?" They shrugged and tried their luck with it. That seemed to work perfectly because soon the wall was cover in all the colours they felt like using. Then Yoongi had a new thought. "Seok-Seok... Wanna leave a handprint?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think it would be a nice touch."

"Let's both do it."

"Okay." Yoongi smiled as they covered their palms in paint. Hoseok in green and Yoongi in blue. They put them close and pressed them to the wall. Then they took a step back and examined the work. Both found it playfully tasteful from their prospectives.

Hoseok jumped back feeling Yoongi dragging his hand down Hoseok's side and then he burst out laughing. "Oh my god! Hyung! Now I'm cover in paint."

"You already were."

"But now in blue." He leaned closer to the older and copied the previous action.

"Ah!" He pretended to be wounded. "Oh no... I'm dying." He laid down on the floor. "I'm bleeding out..." He closed his eyes.

"I refuse to accept this." Hoseok played along dramatically and kneeled down to Yoongi's 'dead' body. He leaned down and kissed the elder on the lips. Yoongi's hands found themselves on Hoseok's waist pulling him closer and Hoseok moved where he was guided, right above the other man as his hands rested on Yoongi's chest. They shared the passionate kiss. They finally pulled away panting and smiling from ear to ear.

"My hero." Yoongi snickered.

"The kiss always breaks the darkest spells."

"Well... True love's kiss."

"It does." He was admiring the lustful gaze. Without saying anything more they got up. It might have been silent, but it was not uncomfortable.

  
They managed to move all the furniture left and put it together that same day. The interior of the whole house was very minimalist, yet Yoongi liked it. Plus, he could always add something later. Afterwards they ordered some chicken and ate it while watching TV. Once that was over, Yoongi offered Hoseok to shower and stay the night. As they were talking about it, it slipped out that Yoongi hasn't had a relaxing bath in a long time. Hoseok could absolutely relate to it. One thing let to another and they were both laying in the bathtub on the opposite ends of it. They did not watch each other undress or anything though.

"I have almost forgotten how this feels."

"Yeah... Me too..." Hoseok agreed.

After, give or take, an hour they were ready to leave. Again, they didn't stare at each other's naked bodies. What they did wasn't ment to be sexual. They simply wished to relax together. So after they have managed to do so, they dried themselves off and went to the newly finished bedroom at the late night's hour. They didn't put on any clothes though.

As they reached the bed they  laid down and stared each other in the eyes for a few passing minutes.

"Seok-Seok..." Yoongi spoke up.

"Mh?"

"Thank you so much for everything. You're so incredible."

"It's my pleasure, hyung. It always is." As it had become common for them, he took Yoongi's hand and maneuvered closer to connect their lips for a sensual and sweet moment. "I love you., Yoongi hyung" Hoseok confessed quietly.

"I love you too, Hoseokie." He crawled up on the younger and wandered his hands on Hoseok's upper body as he kissed him again with more hunger and (consensual) force. His tongue slipped into the younger's mouth and Hoseok sucked on it as his own hands rested on Yoongi's back. As they went down on Yoongi's hips, the older whimpered. Hoseok pulled away apologetically. "No, no. It's okay." Yoongi assured. "Do you want to do this?"

"Yeah. Do you, hyung?"

"Very much."

"Do you have-"

"Yes, yes. Damn yes. I have what we need." He placed wet kisses all over Hoseok's neck, chest and shoulders. His hands in a spider like action traveled to Hoseok's hands and they intertwined their fingers together as they collided their lips once more. "Hoseok... I really want you."

"I want you too." He sat up and pushed the older man to lay on the bed as his hands caressed the pale skin and gently kneaded it as his lips kissed all over the healed scars (with Yoongi's permission, of cause) and where there used to be blooming bruises. After an intense game accompanied by Yoongi's little breaths, that were filled with bliss. Hoseok moved up to steal the lip that was caught between Yoongi's teeth and they continued a sensual make out session for a few more minutes. They sat up holding onto each other. "Hyung..." Hoseok practically moaned out in a whisper against Yoongi's ear. "I trust you with me... And I promise to do my best to please you. You can trust me."

"I do, Hoseok." Yoongi cupped the younger's cheeks as he faced and smirked at him. "I won't harm you either."

"How do you want it? What do you not want? Tell me your limits."

"I don't have many limits... But... I don't feel ready enough to... To bottom."

"Okay, I understand. I'm usually submissive anyways, yet up for anything really." He chuckled giving Yoongi a chaste kiss. "What are  our words?"

"The traffic lights? Can we use those colours?"

"Yeah. Okay, hyung. That sounds good."

Hoseok was pushed on his back and Yoongi reached into the bedside table and pulled out two objects that he placed on the bed. "Can I... Rim you?"

"Do what?" Hoseok raised a brow at the new term.

"With my tongue. Down there. In and around."

"Oh..." He realised what Yoongi ment and nodded. "Okay, but I've never... Had that so... Sorry if I act weird at first."

"Don't worry. I'm going to make you feel really good... It's a secret talent of mine." Yoongi snickered and winked cheekily and went down leaving a trail of loving pecks. Then he put Hoseok's legs on his shoulders and with his hands on the younger's hips he lift up his butt. He gave an experimental lick against Hoseok's entrance and felt the man shudder as he gasped. "Colour?"

"Green."

"Okay." Yoongi licked gently a couple more times to get Hoseok used to the feeling and began circling the tip of his tongue around the rim teasingly.

"Please... Please..." He begged as he was so intrigued by what the older was eager to show. To teach.

"Really? You really want me to?" Yoongi purred seductively.

"Yes, yes, hyung... Please - _oh_!" His body twitched, but Yoongi managed to hold him down as he inserted his tongue inside and started swirling it around the inner walls. "Fuck... Hyung!" Hoseok whined arching his back and rocking onto Yoongi's tongue a bit. He was shamelessly moaning as Yoongi was showing off more and more moves. The skills of the muscle. Hoseok wasn't even aware of the raging erection, which was extremely oblivious, until he was close. "Yoongi hyung... I-" Hoseok understood that he was getting off of Yoongi's tongue and he wasn't even touched. That was something extraordinary for him and exciting. Yoongi pulled away quickly.

"How do you feel about edging?"

Hoseok thought for s few seconds. "Yeah, green." He agreed . climbed back up and began kissing his neck. It was wet, sloppy, but oh so hot. The older slightly pulled on his hair angling his neck and receiving more space.

"How do you feel about marks?" Yoongi asked against the younger's pulse.

"Please."

"Where?"

"Everywhere." He answered breathlessly and then let his hands play with Yoongi's body tenderly, like fingertips dancing upon the light complexion, as he felt the teeth sink into his honeyed skin above his collarbones. "More, more... Please..." That's what Yoongi did. He sucked and bit the skin and then mollified it with kitten licks as Hoseok was vocally expressing his ecstasy. While his mouth was busy he took the bottle of lube and covered his fingers with it. He alined one with Hoseok's entrance. "Yeah, go on." He slowly inserted the first on and moved it patiently. The second soon followed. When he finally put in the third one stopped avoiding the prostate and began to actually look for it. That wasn't a difficult task as very quickly he heard Hoseok gasp and whimper his hips jolted up. "Oh god, there! There! Hyung, please... Fill me up!" He pulled the older for a heated kiss. "Please... You're hands are great, but I'm about to loose it and I need you inside of me."

"As you wish, Seok-Seok." He smirked and took a condom, opened the plastic and slid it on his hard member. Then he spread a good amount of lube and put his tip next to Hoseok's hole. "Ready?" After a nod he slowly began pushing in as Hoseok draped his arms around Yoongi's neck and wrapped his legs around his waist. Too suppress all those hungry and desperate sounds they both kissed hard. Once fully in Yoongi spoke up. "Can I move?"

"Yes."

Yoongi started a calm rhythm to allow Hoseok to adjust to his size. Moments later he talked again. "Can I speed up?"

"You better, hyung." Hoseok said with a smile and staring at the deep eyes as he felt drunk due to the created sensations and his own emotions. The sounds of skin slapping against skin and heavy breathing increased as Yoongi's hips moved faster and with more power. He was showering the other man in kisses as Hoseok grabbed onto him tighter. One particularly strong thrust made him sink his nails into Yoongi's back and he wanted to remove his hands to not hurt the older, but Yoongi shook his head.

"No, no. Green." He connected their mouths again. That did not prevent the sound of panting and didn't reduce the delicious moans.

"Hyung- I'm close!"

"Then come." He groaned next to Hoseok's ear and it sent the younger over the edge. His eyes rolled to the back of his skull, his body arched in a long curve and the hold on Yoongi was strong and weak at the same time. White ropes stained their stomachs and Hoseok's body fell limb.

"Ride it through."

"You can still handle it?"

"Yeah." Soon Yoongi came inside of Hoseok releasing a broken whine. After momentarily catching his breath he left to throw away the condom and get a warm wet towel and he wiped then clean. He then got rid off the towel and returned to bed. "Come here, hyung." Hoseok opened his arms to have Yoongi lay down and cuddle him. Which was exactly what happened. "You were so awesome."

"You too, Seok-Seok."

"Goodnight, hyungie."

"Goodnight."


	9. Fly With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I.M. - Fly With Me
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide attempt, mentioned items, hospitals, self-harm, etc. Could potentially be too graphic for some.
> 
> EXPLICIT (kinky) SEXUAL CONTENT.

Before both of them could fully wake up in the morning, they had already attached their lips together. Yoongi dived his hand into Hoseok soft morning curls and the younger roamed Yoongi's back. "Morning, love." Yoongi purred behind Hoseok's ear as he trailed his nose along Hoseok's neck.

"Good morning, hyung" Hoseok smiled widely. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than ever before." Yoongi answered kissing over last nights marks. "How about you, sunshine?"

"Wonderful." He chuckled at Yoongi's yelp as he climbed on top in a swift move. He looked down at the older softly. "How do you look so magnificent even in the morning?"

"Are you staring at your reflection in my eyes?"

Hoseok laughed brightly. "Hyung, you're so cute."

"You're much cuter." He kissed the younger's nose making him flustered. "I just wonder..." He moved his eyes to the wall that they finished yesterday, to the two prints and then back the younger. "Would you like to be my boyfriend?" Hoseok squeaked and collided their lips for minutes. It was difficult to do what he had planned as they couldn't stop grinning. Eventually Hoseok pulled away panting. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Always." He cheered.

 

They were barely letting go off each other while cooking breakfast or eating. Once done and after they have cleaned the dishes they were cuddling on the sofa and talking about random topics that would come to mind. A thought came to Yoongi and he voiced it. "Seok-Seok, what are you going to do now? Where are you planning to stay?"

"Hmm... I'm not sure. I should probably find a job. And I was thinking of staying with my parents or my sister until I find a right place."

"What if..." Yoongi smirked letting his fingers climb Hoseok's chest. "You stay here? With me."

"What?" Hoseok was taken aback by the sudden offer. "You're offering to live together? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You would already stay over during the weekends, we get along great, we're now dating, you helped me fix this place up, you have the key, you need where to stay. All adds up perfectly. Like it was ment to be." He moved his hand under Hoseok's chin and enforced and eye contact. "That is... If you want to."

"I... Yeah... I'd love that, but... Aren't we moving too fast? Do we know each other well enough to take such a huge step?"

"I don't know. The only way to be sure is to check it. Are you willing to try this out?"

Hoseok was staring for awhile and then leaned closer to place a kiss on the forehead. "Yeah. I wanna do this. I trust you and I love you. I feel safe enough to take such a step."

"Yay!" Yoongi clapped. "Awesome." He kissed Hoseok on the jaw and the younger held on to him tighter and soon groaned annoyed as his phone rang. "Answer it."

"I don't want to. I want to cuddle you."

Yoongi chuckled. "C'mon. Answer it, sunshine."

Hoseok released the older and reached his phone from the table. He sighed and answered. "What's up, Joonie?"

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"Well... A little bit busy." He winked at Yoongi. "Depends on how you look at it."

"How about tonight? Remember when we talked about it. Me and Seokjin hyung would love to have you over for dinner."

He laid down on Yoongi's lap and looked up. "Tonight?" Yoongi mouthed out 'go' while playing with Hoseok's ridiculously soft hair. "I suppose I can come."

"Great. Are you... Single? You know, you didn't say anything... If you have someone... You could bring them..."

"I'll text you about that."

"Okay. See ya then."

"Yeah, alright. See you later." He threw his phone on the couch. "Hyung..."

"Mh?" He hummed out as he was trying to braid a little piece of Hoseok's hair.

"My friends, Namjoon, the one I would eat lunch with on campus all the time, and his boyfriend are offering to have dinner with them."

"That's great, Hoseokie." Yoongi said still concentrated.

"He asked me if I'm single... If I'm not... He offered to bring them along..."

"Oh." He finished the braid and leaned against a cushion. "Do you want me to come with?"

"Of cause, but it depends on if you want to and if you'd feel comfortable with it right now. We did only... Started dating this morning."

"I mean... If we're going to be living together then it's more serious, right? I wouldn't mind meeting your friends. Namjoon's your childhood friend, yeah?"

"Yep. He's been my best friend since kindergarten."

"Cool. How about the other guy?"

"We met in uni. A few years back. I would be talking to him sometimes while Namjoon was having an awkward crush on him."

"That's cute."

"Yeah. Seokjin actually finished uni with me this year. He's really sweet, at times a bit too... Motherly, but that's also one of the best things about him. Mostly because that means he always has snacks. Which he makes himself and, by the way, he's an absolutely brilliant cook. That's another reason you should come with me."

Yoongi chuckled. "Okay, sunshine. I'll go for food."

  
-

  
Yoongi ran his fingers through his hair as he took a deep sigh while they were walking up the stairs to the apartment. Hoseok took his hand. "It's okay, hyung, I'm a bit anxious too."

"I'm just- I'm still a professor and new people... Make me nervous."

"I'm with you." They stopped by the door and Hoseok collided their lips for awhile, which seemed to calm both of them down quite a bit. His traveled on Yoongi's neck gently as Yoongi held him by the waist. After Yoongi has invaded Hoseok's mouth with his tongue, the door opened and they pulled away fluster as a tall and tan guy with a dimply smile snickered. "Hey, Joonie." He handed him the drinks they brought.

"Hi. Come in." He turned aside to let the two through and then closed and locked the door.

"How did you know we were here already?"

"You're never late, hyung."

"He's right." Seokjin walked in. "Hey, Hobi." He hugged the younger.

"Hey, hyung. Now that you're both here." He said pulling a shy Yoongi closer to him, so that the eldest wouldn't hide behind him. "This is my boyfriend. Yoongi hyung. Or as you might recall, professor Min." The two shared a look with wide eyes, but then bowed to the eldest to welcome him.

"Pleasure to meet you." The older host smiled and then the younger repeated.

"You too." Yoongi returned the greeting.

"Please, follow us to the other room."

  
They did and were sat down by the table. Before the food was fully ready they made some tea/coffee and talked to get to know each other better.

"So... You're the professor we've heard so much about?" Seokjin wondered out loud.

"What exactly have you heard about me?"

"Complaining mostly." He didn't sugar coat.

"No, no!" Hoseok protested. "I just didn't like the lecture! It's not for me."

"Dude... C'mon..." Namjoon raised a brow. "You kept whining how you're basically being picked on."

"You weren't." Yoongi commented. "I was trying to make you use your full potential and to get you to concentrate. We've been over this, Seok-Seok."

"I felt personally harassment for a few years. Excuse me. But, yes, we did talk about it."

"That aside. I heard you graduated this year as well, is that right?"

"Yes, correct."

"Well then, congratulations."

"Thank you." Seokjin's smirk was delicate, yet slightly mysterious. He was truly handsome. Who could deny that? "Soo... How long has this been going on, may I ask?"

"Um..." Hoseok looked at Yoongi lost and received a loving smile and an encouraging nod. "We started dating only today. This morning."

"Oh. But when did you... Started being friendly instead of... Professor and student?"

"When I met Jay."

"Yeah. Jay was originally in my friend group that he fit right into." Yoongi added.

"And... You're still close friends with Jay... Isn't that weird?"

"No. Not yet at least. But... I dated Jay's father so... If anything, that would be the only inconvenience." The hosts' jaws dropped as the other two chuckled.

 

Awhile later they were sitting on a couch. Namjoon has placed his hand on Seokjin's leg. The older placed his near so they pinkies touched innocently. The eldest has wrapped his arm around Hoseok's shoulders casually. Hoseok loved skin ship and enjoyed a safe place to be with a man he had such strong feelings for. A new topic came up for them to speak about. Namjoon directed the question at Hoseok. "Did you find a place to live yet?"

"Um, yeah. With Yoongi hyung." He smirked.

"You helped me completely redo the place. Half of the house is literally yours anyway."

"Hobi, you don't seem like someone too good at that kind of work." Seokjin didn't hold back his opinion, which make Yoongi laugh quietly. That laugh was one of Hoseok's favourite sounds, even though he could barely hear it.

"He was great though. Always there to help out. Although he helped out in so many more ways." He smiled at the younger boyfriend.

"I do love spending time with you as well. That was also a big factor."

"Doesn't mean you're not a loyal and caring angel."

"I- um- don't take this the wrong way and you definitely don't have to answer it, but... When Hoseok's been mentioning that he has to see someone, was it you."

A longing and calm smile drew on Yoongi's face. "I wasn't in a good place, yet he stayed with me through it. I couldn't have gotten rid of him even if I've wanted to. His love for others is too persistent."

"He is exceptionally caring."

"What dick would leave?" Hoseok protested.

"Some."

"Are you comfortable sharing what happened?" Seokjin asked carefully.

"I was depressed. Barely holding onto the last piece of thread. I let others inflict pain on me and did that myself as well. I fell down low. But Hoseok had the right tools to pull me back up to the warmth and light. My happiness is no longer an autopilot that puts on a play for others."

"I didn't do it, you did."

"You believed in me when I didn't and were there for me. You saved my life. Literally. More times than you know."

"I thought... The only one..."

"Don't worry about it now, sunshine." He kissed Hoseok on the temple.

"Just... Remember I, we, love you, okay?"

"I know. But let's switch to a happier topic." Yoongi confirmed. "For example, I've heard that you, Namjoon were extremely awkward around Seokjin at first and incredibly shy. I find that difficult to believe. You seem so outgoing and confident."

Namjoon didn't comment anything about Hoseok's worry and smiled. "Yeah... I couldn't look at those beautiful eyes, they made me weak in the knees. Still do." Seokjin took his hand. "I was also quite certain I won't be attractive enough myself for someone so damn gorgeous."

"You are really handsome, Namjoonie. Trust me. I know beauty. Clearly." He cupped his face and the other laughed at his radiating confidence in his appearance.

-

Around midnight they came back home. They were tipsy, but walking up the stairs wasn't a problem. They weren't too affected by the alcohol. So the two took a quick shower and went off to bed. Yoongi snuggled in comfortably as the little spoon and was about to drift off to sleep when he heard what he knew will come up. In a nervous voice Hoseok asked. "Hyung... Can we talk about the other times?"

Yoongi sighed and moved his hand to Hoseok's, which was wrapped around the slim waist. "I wanted to do it many times, but I just kept thinking of you, your smile and words... The sad eyes when you found out. No matter how near the end, it always brought me back. I have even written a few notes. I burned all of them. I felt like it wasn't right to be so selfish. I realised that people care about me and if I would have done it I would have hurt them. You taught me that. And I'm thankful for it. For you." He turned his head and kissed Hoseok. "That's all there is to it."

"Okay. I trust you." He now kissed the older man. "But can I ask you when that happened the last time?"

"I-... One month ago." He answered in a shaking whisper. "Y- you see... I was... Almost ready. I wrote down the thoughts on the note and... As I was standing on the chair I kept rereading it and... I kept thinking about you. I love you too much to let go- to give up- to disappoint you... I- I... I got rid of the rope, burned the letter and just went to sleep with the thought of you in my head. I considered self harming, but... I couldn't. I didn't manage to fall asleep though. But I had a wonderful fantasy to get me through the night while awaiting for the next day. The day I saw you again."

"I'll always be here for you, hyung." Hoseok felt Yoongi's body start to shiver in his hold. "What's wrong, love?"

"I- I don't know... I want to cry and- I don't know why..." He gasped for air.

"It's okay, you're safe to shed tears. I'm here." Like that Yoongi wasn't able to hold back and little whimpers escaped as Hoseok hugged him tighter. "It's okay." Yoongi looked up with sad and wet eyes and is seemed like there were tears in the corners of Hoseok's eyes, but the elder wasn't sure. What he was sure off, was the sweet smile. "I love you." He kissed the top of his head. "I love you so much. More than words can say."

-

The next day they didn't discuss the previous night. What they did discuss was about Hoseok living with Yoongi. The younger one needed to get his things from the dorm. Yoongi offer for Hoseok to take his car. He also excused that he won't be able to help out because the university might find out about their relationship and that could be troubling for several reasons. Like Hoseok being a former student, them being queer also other similarities.

They went to the garage and Hoseok looked surprised. "Didn't you drive a Mercedes before?"

"That's Vasco's. The KIA is mine."

"Where is the other car now?"

"Jay has it. While Vasco's away I thought Jay should use it whenever he's in Korea. He can leave it here when he goes back to America, of cause. But Vasco will need it when he returns, I should make sure it's fine in the meantime."

"Alright." Hoseok admired Yoongi's sense of responsibility. The older handed him the keys.

"The gas is fine, don't worry about that. Just be careful on the road."

"I will." They shared a kiss and Hoseok left quickly after.

  
Less than twenty minutes later Hoseok was opening the dorm door. When he came in he saw Taehyung laying on his belly on the bed and reading through his notes. He had one last exam that week before he could have a few months of freedom until the next year. He lift up his head and smiled. "Hey, hyung. Are you here to get your stuff?"

"Hey. Yeah."

"Cool. Let me help. I'm sick of reading this anyways."

"Thanks."

"No problem." He got off the bed and walked to the other. "So will you live with your sister?"

"No. My boyfriend."

"What?!" The screech made Hoseok shrug. "Hobi hyung! Why do you always keep things from me? You have a boyfriend?"

He chuckled. "We've only been dating for over twenty four hours."

"Then why on earth are you moving in together?"

"We've know each other for way longer than that and always had a connection. Where do you think I was all these weekends?"

"You started disappearing every weekend after you got that call. When you rushed out without explanation. You seemed odd a bit beforehand. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, TaeTae." He grined at him.

"Okay. Who is he?"

"Um... He's... A professor from uni..."

"What?!"

"Shh. Don't be so loud. I don't want him to loose his job."

"Alright, alright. Can I know which one is it?"

"I'll bring you over, okay? When he's ready we'll have you, Jimin and Jeongguk over."

"Okay. Agreed."

 

Later that day Hoseok met up with his sister for coffee.

"Who is he? Tell me, Hobi."

"Jiwoo noona." He chuckled at the interrogation. "Let us become a bit more serious."

"You are living together! How much more serious?"

"He's... Ten years older..."

"That's not that big of a deal."

"And- well... We met in his work. I'll explain later."

"Fine." She let it go. For now at least.

 

When Hoseok came back Yoongi had already gone to work. He took the bus that time, no matter how many times Hoseok said he'll get around without borrowing the KIA, yet the older was persistent and even stated that he wasn't planning to use the car that day in the first place.

In the evening he returned. As he was hanging his coat Hoseok went over to him and kissed his on the cheek.

"Hey. You took longer than I've expected."

"Hi. I forgot to tell you I have therapy today. And I also filled some paper work."

"That's alright. Go wash up and come down, okay? The dinner should be almost done."

Yoongi smiled at him. "Thanks, Seok-Seok." He collided their lips for a minute or two.

"That's not a problem, love."

  
Not even ten minutes had passed when Yoongi came down. Hoseok had already set up the table. "Hoseokie, would you like some wine with dinner?" Yoongi asked sounding a bit tired.

"Alright." The older poured some in two glasses and they sat down by the table. Yoongi asked Hoseok to tell him of his day. That way he learnt about potentially meeting other people. "But tell me about your day. Unless it tired you out too much."

"There's not much to say." He took a few sips of his drink. "I just worked like always. Mathematics. I know it's pretty boring to you. It wasn't my ideal choice actually, but it was good enough. Anyway, in therapy... We talked about abuse... So... Sorry I'm acting strange right now. It's not easy remembering, reliving."

"Do you want to tell me anything about it?"

"It's a heavy topic, Seok-Seok. I really don't want to grim your mood."

"Yoongi hyung, you can share anything with me."

Yoongi sighed and chugged down the rest of the wine in his glass. "Later. Let's finish eating."

  
After dinner, the older kept staling. He said he should do the dishes, then do the laundry. When he looked at the clock and he suggested for them to shower and go to sleep.

"Perhaps you'd prefer to take a relaxing bath?" Hoseok offered while guiding the other to the bathroom and massaging the shoulders at the same time. A bit difficult, but not impossible.

"Yeah... Maybe..." Hoseok let the water run in the tub and he began undressing Yoongi. Then he removed his own clothes and continued massaging the other's tense muscles. "Hoseokie..."

"What is it, hyung?"

"Would you be mad at me if I would be depressed for a couple of months a year?"

"What? No. How could I be mad about that?"

"Because it's not easy dating a depressed person. Or having any kind of relationship for that matter." He mumbled. Hoseok turned off the water and they got in. He laid Yoongi on his chest as his hands tenderly continued to massage the older's body. "I... I have SAD."

"Hyung... I don't know what that is."

"Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's often referred to as Winter Depression because it is very common for people with SAD to be affected during winter. I'm also like that."

"So... The weather or season affects your mood... And... Causes depression?"

"Yes." Yoongi breathed out his answer as he closed his eyes.

"Well... I'll help you in anyway I can. Just like I promised."

"I love you so much." He whispered weakly as a tear streamed down his cheek, neck and chest until it mixed in with the water. "I don't deserve you."

"Ah, ah. I love you too, dear, but we gotta talk a bit more positively, don't you think?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"I'm sure you'll get through this winter just fine. It quite warm currently."

"Yes. It's a pretty nice weather I suppose."

"What do you like most about it?"

"That it's not very windy, yet it can easily be cosy with a sweater and a warm drink. And you. You're here with me during this weather."

"That's great." He kissed the top of Yoongi's head. "Could I ask you something?"

"Of cause, Hoseokie."

"Will you experience... It daily?"

"There are good days in depression, but also I believe I could be more lively on warmer days without a strong sense of the disorder."

"Can you... Tell me if it's a bad day?"

"You will be able to tell. But today's a decent day. Even though I'm a bit down after the topic in therapy."

"You said you'll tell me about it, do you still want too?"

"I...Vasco.. His abuse... We discussed what he has done to me, what I did to myself, how I coped with it. How I do it now. How much it affected me. How I treated him. We talked about my self-harm addiction... What do I do know."

Hoseok's breathing became heavier and Yoongi felt that. He had noticed a few random bruises here and there on the older's body. He didn't bring them up as he hoped they were from clumsy accidents. "What have you been doing?" He tried asking in a calm voice.

"You saw those bruises. I noticed. I still kick or hit the wall sometimes. I'm sorry... It's difficult to fight against."

"Hey, love... Don't apologise. That's normal. An addiction is an addiction. But how have you been substituting in a healthier way?"

"You. Talking to you. Also journalling. And... I mean... The weed. Sometimes I just distract myself with work." He turned and faced Hoseok as he draped his arms on Hoseok's shoulders. "Sometimes it's enough to just have you close. To touch and see you. Feel your heartbeat." His hand rested above the other man's heart. "Hear your wonderful voice, admire your magnificent smile, love filled gaze." He kissed him for a brief moment. "Yet I feel like I'm using you."

"No. You're not. I'm glad I can do at least something for you." He ran his fingers through the black hair. "Whenever you need me, I'll be there. However I can."

"Thank you... And you'll have me when you need. I'm aware I'm not the only one with struggles."

"Thanks." He kissed him gently as his fingers tenderly wandered up Yoongi's side. He shuddered feeling a new cut. He couldn't tell if there were more because Yoongi jumped back and curled up at the other side of the tub. "Hyung-"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry- I- I don't- I didn't mean... I just- fuckfuckfuckfuck..." He pulled on his hair as he tried to steady his breathing. His eyes were already burning from unshed tears. "I just-" hiccup sobs began echoing in the room. "It's like an impulse took over... I'm sorry." He felt a soft touch remove his hands and pull him back onto Hoseok's lap and he clung around the younger guy like his life depended on it. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm so damn sorry..." He kept whispering breathlessly. "Fuck, I'm such an idiot-"

"No. Hyung, it's okay... It's normal to do so again, to relapse. Just tell me how many-"

"Two. Two. Just two new cuts. I swear." He rapidly spat out the words. "I cleaned them."

"Alright. I believe you, love. Do you want to show me?" Yoongi slowly pulled away and raised himself up a bit while holding onto the side of the bathtub for support and turned his left side at Hoseok. The younger looked at the two wounds and hummed quietly with a nod and Yoongi sat back down staring at the water between them nervously. "They're not very deep. That's good. Maybe it was your last time, maybe not. But you are so strong and you are doing well. There's progress, that's what matters the most."

"Are you angry with me?" He looked up with a shaking gaze.

"No." Hoseok smiled. "I'm not. Let's relax a bit, hyung. Okay?" Yoongi nodded and returned closer to the other.

  
-

  
It was a bright and a warm Saturday's late afternoon. Really warm for winter actually. Yoongi was fixing his hair in the mirror while waiting for Hoseok to get down. The man appeared and they smiled at each other. Yoongi seemed to be in a good mood. It was one of the good days. They slipped on their shoes, put on their coats, hats and left the house, outside which a taxi was already waiting.

They rode it to the club. Jay, Jessi, Hyuna, Wonshik were already there. No one asked why they came in together or why they have been leaving together for months. Jay and Wonshik knew that Hoseok was Yoongi's main support. Yet Jay smirked and winked at them oddly when they entered.

A few hours later Yoongi turned at Hoseok's while exhaling little circles of smoke and didn't move his eyes away. The younger felt the stair and faced him. He was greeted with a smug grin and predatory gaze. Yoongi moved his eyes at the door and smiled wider as his tongue poked the inside of his cheek. Quite a filthy gesture in Hoseok's opinion. Then he finished his joint, stood up and left. To not look too suspicious, Hoseok waited a minute and walked out of the room as well. He saw Yoongi leaning against the wall.

"Hey, babe." He planted his hungry mouth on Hoseok's. "Wanna play?" He purred pulling the younger by the hand into the restroom.

"What? Here? Now?"

Yoongi chuckled. "If you don't want to, just say so."

"No, no. I want to see what you've got in mind." He grined and the older checked through the stools and made sure they were alone. Not that they would surprise anyone. Wouldn't be the first time somebody's 'having their own fun' in a club. He collided their lips in a heated openmouthed kisses as they moaned quietly while tumbling to the furthest stool. They locked it and Hoseok was pushed to the wall. After a few last tongue kisses Yoongi dropped to his knees. Since the stool had walls going from the ceiling to the floor, no one could see them even if they would walk in. Unless hear them. The thought of potentially getting caught made Hoseok's member twitch as he was half hard already. "Oh fuck..." He mumbled as Yoongi started unzipping his pants in the most agonisingly slow pace and a deliciously excited and filthy expression. Yep, Yoongi was having a good day. He tugged the trousers down and groaned.

"Seok-Seok... You're already so hard for me..." He chuckled and mouthed around the head through the fabric. Hoseok felt his heartbeat speed up as the innocent gaze locked at his shaking one. The grin grew wider and Hoseok placed his hand on Yoongi's jaw and ran his thumb over the cheek. "You want me to make you feel good, baby?" He tilted his head as he moved a few centimeters away from the straining erection. They have only done something when they finished the bedroom. Which was the prior weekend.

"Please..." He gulped as Yoongi snickered and in even a slower pace than before, if that was even possible, pulled down Hoseok's briefs. He released an exaggerated gasp as the length sprung free and already leaking. He kissed the tip, smearing the precum on his lips. "Oh god..." He whimpered when Yoongi began sucking on the crown with a long drawn out moan that sounded illegal. The vibrations were heavenly hellish as he did that he sunk deeper and twirling his skilled tongue teasingly. Yoongi nose pressed against Hoseok's hair and he didn't even gag. The view below made Hoseok weep. A gorgeous man with his cheeks hollowed, on his knees, making filthy sounds while eating Hoseok up like a treat. And all while smiling and looking up like a precious doll. He bobbed his head a few more times before pulling off to the sound of Hoseok's broken whine.

"You taste so good, Hoseokie..." He licked his lips. "And you're so fucking handsome from this angle, sunshine."

"Shit..." He winced. "Oh, pretty boy... You know how to please."

"I try." He snickered and continued sending the younger into a bliss. He kept working faster as Hoseok was hardly holding back all the sounds of pleasure. He pulled on Yoongi's hair with a louder whimper.

"Hyung... Hyung! I'm close... I- fuck." He shivered as Yoongi seemed to work even harder until Hoseok was a panting mess coming down the older's throat. Yoongi fixed him up and stood up leeching onto the tan neck and leaving stinging mark at the crook of it. Hoseok turned caging Yoongi with his hands. Gently because he was cautious not to frighten him. "Let me now, yeah?" He collided their lips sloppily, yet hot.

"Fuck, Seok-Seok. We shouldn't be gone for too long."

"Are you sure?" He asked palming Yoongi's terribly hard crotch.

"God damn it... I won't last long anyway..." He whispered as Hoseok kneeled down and began tugging down the older's slacks. "Oh fuck... Baby..." He gasped feeling the warm mouth get to work. "I won't even last a minute." His hips jolted up due to an impressive tongue movement the younger preformed. "Again... Can you do that again?" The taller guy complied eagerly. "Christ!" His eyes fell shut and he rested his head against the wall. "You're making me religious, sunshine." He chuckled breathlessly, but then bit into his lower lip as he felt his whole body tense up. "I- fuck- I'm c-GOD!" A sneaky and mischievous swirl of the tongue made Yoongi loose it and he shot his load as his body felt limb. Hoseok stood up pulling the pants back up and kissing Yoongi and sharing his seed. "Where the hell did you learn that?" He asked fixing up Hoseok's hair and clothes to not look suspicious.

Hoseok was doing the same to Yoongi. "I just thought of it."

"Fuck. You're a treasure." He kissed him one more time and they left the stool. Yet they froze in their spots when they saw Jay by the sinks with an obnoxiously smug grin plastered across his features.

"Sorry for walking in during your little prayer." He snickered.

"Shit!" Hoseok cursed under his breath. "We- I- just..."

"Hey, it's cool. Nothing wrong with some risky kinks. Have fun."

"I mean... We... Sorry... We probably shouldn't have-"

"Are you worried about my reaction to you two dating (or whatever relationship you have)?"

"Well... Kinda." Hoseok confessed.

"Why? You're happy together, right?" Both nodded. "Then awesome." He smiled.

"But... You're kinda my ex."

"And your father is my ex."

"So? We're friends. I want you to be happy. Plus, you were obvious anyways. I'm sure everyone's aware there's something between you and why you're both gone."

"Well fuck then." Yoongi said. "I can't sit in a room where everybody around me knows you just blew the hell out of me."

"Ah-pa-pa-pa! Too much information. You are my father's ex after all. Let's leave your sex life a mystery for me."

"So sensitive suddenly." Yoongi laughed teasingly.

"Ah, stop..." Jay whined.

"Hyung." Hoseok chuckled. "Let's just let Jay... Do what he came here for. Although, it's quite creepy you just stayed here for like the minute or however long."

"Let's not talk about that."

"Jay." Yoongi took a step forward as his expression changed. "Can I ask you something serious?"

"I have a feeling I know what it is, go on."

"How's Vasco hyung? I know you visited him."

"He's... Lost in his thoughts for the most part. I can see his regret and he is trying his best, but sometimes it is hard without his fix. Which is understandable."

"Tell him to not think of what happened between us for now. He should focus on himself."

"He's working on it, but he should understand what happened between you. I guess you're not ready to face him?" That was more of a statement than a question, to which Yoongi just agreed. "Yeah. He mentioned Hoseok hyung forbade him from seeing you. Is that true?"

"I tried scaring him off while he's not at his best."

"I can't imagine you threatening someone. That probably means you'd be terrifying. But how are you doing, hyung?"

"I'm good. I see a therapist once a week. Hoseok's with me."

"That's great. Do you live together?"

"Yeah. We do."

"In the house?"

"Yeah. But we redecorated it. It's like new. You should come over some day while you're still here."

"Sure thing. I will have to leave the car to you either way."

"Yeah... And... How are you?"

"I'm dealing very good with all of it to be honest. I know it's my father, but I simply know it's for the better." Jay admitted. "It's amazing how Wonshik keeps this place sailing smoothly. He's awesome at this job." He turned at Hoseok. "How about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. Hopefully that didn't mess up with the anxiety."

"No, no. You have helped me out greatly and I've learned so much I was able to manage it."

"I just got the information online honestly."

Hoseok smiled. "Well, it worked. Of cause, I get anxious, especially when I see Yoongi hyung sad. But it's manageable."

Yoongi took Hoseok's hand. "Did I scare you?"

"A bit at first, I can't lie."

"Oh, so-"

"No apologies, hyung."

"Stop saying that."

"I'll stop when you stop."

  
The two felt sneaky stares as they came back to the room. Hoseok glanced at Jessi and saw her smirk at him.

  
-

  
In the past month Jay checked out the place, Yoongi met up with Taehyung, Jimin and Jeongguk, who seemed to invested in their lives and how does the professor and student (and the professor X thing) interfere with their relationship, the older also met Jiwoo. She was completely supportive of the relationship.

Yet a time came when the bad days was present too much to hide it from the younger. Hoseok came back from work in the cafe, as he didn't yet find a job for his occupation by the diploma even though he was looking, and when he went into their room he saw a grim figure laying in bed under the covers in the dark room as the curtains were closed. He walked over to the edge of the bed and kneeled down. By then his eyes had time to get used to the dimness and he saw Yoongi's face with wet streaks from fresh tears. He didn't open them, yet the younger could tell Yoongi wasn't asleep. "Hey, hyung." He let out a soft whisper. He didn't get a response so he started caressing the messy hair. Yoongi made a fussy humming voice. "Would you like something?"

"Why are- you wi-th me? I'm pathetic." He stuttered out in a painful sad cry. Still not facing Hoseok.

"You're not pathetic and I love you. I love you more than words can say. I wish great happiness for you and I hope I can give it to you." He assured Yoongi.

"You're lying... You want to leave me..."

"No, love. Never. That's the depression talking. You know I love you. I'd sacrifice so much just to see your genuine smile. I know you will feel better. You can tell that negative voice to fuck off because it's just an asshole. That's what mental disorders are. And I believe that you are so much more that it. You are so great and strong. Deserving of happiness." He kissed Yoongi, who felt too awkward to answer verbally, on the forehead. "Did you eat today?" He weakly shook his head. "Did you drink?" After hearing no response he left to get a glass of water and when he returned he helped Yoongi, who was still refusing eye contact, take a few sips. "What did you do today?"

He sighed and eventually spoke up. "Nothing... Just contemplated death... Cried a li- lot."

"What would you say if we order something to eat and cuddle while watching a movie?"

He finally opened his puffy reddened eyes. "... Okay..." He slowly sat up.

"Alright. What should I order? Do you want jayook bokum?" Yoongi thought for a moment and nodded tiredly. "And what movie would you like?"

"Nothing too serious."

"How about 'Emperor's new groove'?"

"Okay."

Hoseok took him in his hands, to which Yoongi wanted to protest about, but it just felt too safe, and manhandled him to the living room, where Yoongi winced at brightness. He ordered the food, which arrived quickly and he put on the movie. He covered them in a blanked, especially since Yoongi was in his pajamas. Hoseok quickly noticed that Yoongi seemed too exhausted to eat so Hoseok didn't hesitate to feed the older, which took Yoongi's full concentration to chew his food. After the film, which they didn't pay too much attention to, they went to bed. Well, Hoseok carried a sleepy Yoongi again and then cleaned up and then joined him in bed. He wrapped his arms around the older and whispered sweet little nothings to lull Yoongi to sleep.

 

When Hoseok woke up (on his back) he felt Yoongi laying on top of him all curled up around him. Holding on tightly. Light breaths peaceful echoed from the plush pink lips. Hoseok hugged him and pet the fluffy strains. Eventually Yoongi yawned like a baby kitten and his lashes fluttered open like lazy butterflies. He gazed up and managed a half smile. "Hey, Seok-Seok." His voice still sounded tired.

"Hey, hyung." He smiled warmly and softly.

"Thank you for yesterday."

"It was nothing."

"It was a distraction and it was sweet."

"I promised you that I'll stay." He took Yoongi's hand and kissed the knuckles gently.

"And so you did."

"How do you feel today?"

"Slightly better. I really don't want to do anything... I feel so fucking tired."

"Then rest."

"No... I feel better if I get something done..." He sighed. "I should probably start by showering." He tried sitting up. "Fuck that. Later."

"You have the whole day, honey." He rubbed the other's back. "Would you like me to do something?"

"Enjoy your day."

"I would like to do something for you."

"Be happy, sunshine. Go out with some friends or something. I'll be fine."

"Love-"

"I understand your concern, but I don't know how else to work with this. I wish for you to have a fun day. That thought would help me to pull myself together."

"I can't just leave you."

"Please... I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Would you call me if something's more... Out of order?"

Yoongi forced out a chuckle at the choice of words. "Yeah. I promise to do that." He sat up. He kind of bestrode Hoseok's thighs due to the position they were laying in previously. "I'll go shower now." He stated and walked off swaying a bit.

 

Yoongi did manage to kick Hoseok out of the house. No matter that the younger disagreed with the idea. But in the end he did make plans to meet up with Jeongguk. Well, Yoongi took Hoseok's phone and texted a random person from Hoseok's contacts, which happened to be Jeongguk, who was conveniently free. Yoongi gave Hoseok a kiss of reassurance before he hesitantly left.

 

Hoseok was sitting in a cafe staring at his phone screen, hoping to get any news from his boyfriend. He didn't even notice his friend sitting down and jumped at the enthusiastic hello. Jeongguk snickered. "Why are you so easily startled today?"

"Hey." He smiled putting his phone away. "'ts nothing."

"Sure." Jeongguk took the answer without interrogating the older guy. "So, Hobi hyung, what do you wanna do?"

"Um... I don't know. Haven't thought about it yet."

"Well, your text seemed eager. ' _Gukie, let's meet up!'_ "

"Well, my boyfriend sent that text. Not that I wouldn't like to see you otherwise, you're a good kid. Sometimes." He chuckled. "But he told me to leave the house for a bit and have some fun."

"Okay. I'm not gonna ask why, that's not my place to." Jeongguk nodded. "Would you like to go to an arcade? I know you always enjoy your time there."

"Yeah sure. Let's get some drinks first."

"Alright."

 

After the first game Hoseok glanced at the phone. Nothing. He sighed and sent Yoongi a text [I love you]. Just in case. Jeongguk noticed the worry in Hoseok's eyes. "Hey, what's up?"

"Yoongi hyung is sick today. I'm simply nervous. Especially when he told me to get out for a few hours."

"I'm sure he's doing alright." Jeongguk smiled at Hoseok.

"Yeah, yeah. Of cause." His phone beeped and he practically jumped and checked it out in a rush. [I love you too, Seok-Seok. Stop worrying and relax.] Hoseok sighed again. [I'm sorry, I just care about you.] He replied and was surprised that Yoongi answered quickly after. [I know. But chill, sunshine. P.S. By the time you'll be back I'll probably be out. I see my therapist today.] [Okay. Thanks for letting me know.] He put his phone away once more.

"How exactly is he sick if you're so worried?"

"You know what, don't mind it. Let's have a good time. Like he said. He assured me he's fine. Why wouldn't I believe him?"

"Okay." Jeongguk showed off his bunny smirk. "But remember you can talk to me when something's bothering you."

 

When Hoseok returned home Yoongi was gone. Yet the elder came back soon after Hoseok has changed and had the time to admire the slight change of the place. When he heard the door opening he practically ran down the stairs to see he boyfriend, who had come back. "Hey, love." He immediately planted a kiss on the cheek and took Yoongi's coat.

"Hi." The older whispered with exhaustion drowning his voice.

"Did you clean out the whole house?" Yoongi just shrugged as they were going into the living room. "That's a lot of work. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"I didn't want to bother you, Seok-Seok." He was barely audible. "Plus, what else was I supposed to do?"

"It looks like you even cleaned the cleaning supplies. You must be so tired." He took a stuffed toy turtle from the couch. "All I did was win you this."

A shy smirk danced upon Yoongi's pretty features delicately as he hugged it. "Thank you, Hoseokie." He dropped on the couch. "It's so soft..." He curled up in a ball while closing his eyes and his breathing eased. Hoseok covered up the already sleeping man with a blanket that was near and kissed his forehead.

  
Once Yoongi was awake he slowly sat up and saw two plates on the table. He blinked with confusion, still wrapped in a blanket and holding the plushy. Then he saw Hoseok walking over with a soft smile. "Hey, did you rest well?" Yoongi nodded. "Good. You should eat some dinner." Yoongi murmured something about not being hungry. "How much did you eat today?"

"I snacked twice, but stayed hydrated." He answered in a raspy and sleepy melody.

"Please eat a bit more. You were very busy today."

"Okay..." And he did as he said. As he was half way into the plate he kept listening to the younger's story about his day.

"So, hyung, did you do something besides the incredible cleaning and the therapy?" He saw Yoongi freeze and his pupils quiver anxiously at the last word. His body practically locked up. "What happened, love?"

"I- my th-" he took a shaking breath and tried to straighten his back and ease his muscles. "My therapist..." He said whispering as his eyes fearfully met Hoseok's. "Suggested me to express my... Concerns."

"Okay. You know I won't judge you, love. I'm always here for you. And you can take your time." He offered an encouraging smile.

Yoongi nodded. "I know... That's why the concerns are shit..." He placed his plate on the table to avoid dropping it. Hoseok has finished moments prior already. Yoongi hugged the stuffed turtle and hunched forward letting the blanked fall on his crossed legs. "That's fucking stupid." He groaned.

"It's okay if it is. World needs a bit of stupid too."

Yoongi quickly chuckled shaking his head. "You're a cham... But they are irrational... You're too great for me to worry."

"Are you... Worried I might hurt you?"

"I'm sorry." He dropped his head with a quiet sniff. His shoulders began shaking. "I'm so s-o-rry." It sounded gaspy and lost.

"That's alright, hyung. I understand why you would be worried about it. What you went through was serious and damaging. I don't blame you." Yoongi lifted up his head and gaze, locking them, and Hoseok noticed the tears gathering. "I won't hurt you. I promise. I also am not mad at you for doubting it. But we can work on it, right?" Yoongi nodded. "Great. I love you so much, hyung." Tears began streaming down Yoongi's cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I- I love y-ou too... But- it's so hard to- to believe you feel the same... That you _truly_ care... Why can't I see what I do know deep down is true?! Everything is so clouded! My feelings are like a dark fog... I can't find light most of the time..." He saw Hoseok spreading his arms and he fell to his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He mumbled until it became nonsense as his body was jumping from shivering, but Hoseok was there to hold him through the terrifying sobs.

"You don't have to apologise. The fog will fade away-"

"But it'll return! At least next year!"

"I know. I know." He caressed the other's body. "I'll be there too. I will always be there. I promised you."

After about ten minutes of crying, Yoongi calmed down enough to stop crying and breath. Yet his head was spinning. "I'm so tired... So so tired..."

"It's a bit past nine. Let's go to sleep." He felt Yoongi nod against his neck. They stood up and walked off and made they way up the stairs. Hoseok noted in his head to not forget to clean up the table later. They got to their room and Yoongi changed his shirt. He sat down on bed to remove his pants, but his eyelids were falling heavy and he slowly landed on the bed on his side. Hoseok walked up and took his pants off while Yoongi murmured something incoherent. He changed himself after covering Yoongi. He heard another noise from the older. "Huh? Did you say something?"

"Will you come to bed? I want to cuddle." He managed out. Hoseok just did it instead of voicing it. They enveloped in each other. "Thank you for everything... My light." He fell asleep before hearing Hoseok's response.

 

The next day when Yoongi woke up he was able to greet Hoseok with an easier smile.

  
After work that day Yoongi was greeted in the parking lot of the university by Hoseok, who was waiting in the car. He drove the professor to his job that morning as well. Before sitting down in the passenger seat Yoongi looked around to make sure no one saw him leave with a former student and they drove off.

"How was work?"

"It was fine. The students had an exam. How about for you?" Yoongi said rubbing his eyes tiredly after strapping on a seatbelt.

"It was good. Nothing special of cause. I mean, it's just a cafe." He answered driving out into the street. "Hyung, would you mind if I'd take you to one place before we go home?"

"What?" Yoongi frowned with a little pout. "Where? I'm tired and... Craving for my future therapy appointment. I feel like there's only shit in world now."

"It's therapeutic. And not that far away. Do you trust me with this?" Yoongi nodded and Hoseok turned in the direction opposite of home. The older guy was staring at the rode behind them further through the mirror. "If you want me to turn the car around, just say." Yoongi didn't respond. He closed his eyes and lower the seat a bit.

Once at the place, Yoongi finally open end his eyes as the car stopped. It seemed he slept through the drive there. He looked around and noticed that they were in the middle of nowhere. "What the fuck? Seok-Seok... Where the hell are we?" He whined.

"There's a tiny hill next to the forest, right behind those few oaks. See?"

"M'yeah..."

"Let's go there."

"Why?"

"Please, hyung. Let me help you." He got out of the car and while Yoongi was undoing the belt Hoseok had opened up his door. He stuck out his hand for Yoongi. After locking the car they started walking towards the peek. Yoongi shivered and Hoseok quickly removed to cover his boyfriend. "Just a few minutes. We'll be right there." When they reached the top Yoongi simply stood there looking lost and irritated. "Scream."

"What?" His eyebrow arched.

"Scream out your frustration. You'll feel much better and no one will hear you. I get that it won't fix everything, but perhaps-" he was cut off by an incredibly loud. fearful and horrifying, long, kept in for to long scream. Yoongi had faced the edge and was pouring out the built up negativity into the nature, which captured it and secured it. After over a minute has dropped to the ground, yet Hoseok was fast enough to sit down for Yoongi to lay his head on the younger's thigh. "How are you feeling, love?"

He took a deep sigh. "I... I think it actually helped a bit."

"That's good." Hoseok smiled taking Yoongi's hand and kissing the knuckles. "Do you want to do that again?"

"I want to go home now. I should grade some work and I'm a bit tired."

"Let's go then." He helped Yoongi up (after a few extra minutes) and they reached the car. On the way home Yoongi fell asleep again. When they returned, Hoseok wanted to carry Yoongi, yet he woke up as if on a mark. They went inside the house and changed into more comfortable lounge clothes. The couple quietly ate some late dinner and Yoongi went to his office to work as he played relaxing piano music in the backround. After several hours Hoseok knocked on the door and didn't hear a reply, yet he came in anyway. Yoongi was sitting by the piano that was in the room in a completely silent atmosphere. He was sitting without moving and slightly hunched over. Hoseok knew that the elder played the instrument, but he has never heard him play. He considered that Yoongi didn't want to do so when Hoseok was home. "Hyung." He said softly. "It's late, do you want to to sleep?" Yoongi barely turned his head and his eyes fixed on the younger man.

"You never asked." He commented.

"I figured that's how you cope. Privately. I didn't want to interfere."

"Are you interested?"

"Yeah. But you know I would never push you into anything you don't feel comfortable with."

"I'm okay with this. Do you want to sit down next to me for a few minutes? I'll go to bed afterwards."

"Okay." Hoseok walked over to the the older and settled next to him. Yoongi's hands gracefully lifted up and his finger gently landed onto the keys. The melody that Yoongi started to play was peaceful and calming. Any grim note was quickly overshadowed by a hint of happiness. For the majority of the time Yoongi had his eyes closed as he felt which key to touch. He knew it by heart. When he finished it, he didn't remove his hands from the instrument and Hoseok rested his chin on the elder's should. "That sounded extraordinarily magnificent. Did you compose it?"

"Yeah. I started after you left our home the first time."

"Your how back then."

"A house. Not a home. You made it a home."

"You- you have mentioned that mathematics wasn't your plan A. Did you want to do something with music?"

"Yes. Teach it, produce it, compose. Something. Anything."

"Why didn't you?"

"My parents said I won't make it in the industry."

"I'd say you could."

"I have done some things."

"Really?"

"Jessi, Wonshik, Vasco, others people I have written and composed for them. Produced their tracks. I went under a nickname of cause."

"May I ask what it is?"

"Agust D."

"I've heard of it!" Hoseok's eyes widened. "It's really you? I've talked to Namjoon about Agust D. We both admire your work."

A shy smirk decorated Yoongi's face. "That's so great to hear. Hear someone believes in my dream, the messages."

"If you'd like to drop the professor thing to chase the dream, I'll completely support you."

"I'm thankful, but it's so difficult. And the house... It would be hard to keep it if I fail."

"It's your decision, hyung. I won't push you, but I will stay by your side no matter what."

"Thank you." He kissed the younger gently. "But let's go to sleep for now. It was a busy day."

-

They haven't discussed the musical dream in the passing month even once. Yoongi didn't feel comfortable yet. Nonetheless, while they were alone in the club, well besides DJ Ravi hyping the crowd upstairs, Yoongi decided to play the piano which was in the room. Hoseok was leaning against the wall, that was next to the instrument. Yoongi was playing for at least an hour, with only short breaks to sip on his drink to keep hydrated. He didn't even know what he was drinking. It was something the younger gave him. Eventually Yoongi stopped and reached out his hands to take Hoseok's. And he pulled him on his lap. As it was usually Hoseok kissed Yoongi's knuckles and then draped his arms around the older's neck as Yoongi placed his hands on Hoseok's hips. For awhile they were just staring at each other with gazes full of lust. Hoseok leaned in to capture Yoongi's lips gently. The older man responded to it with a delicate yet passionate kiss. His fingers hid under the T-shirt and made their way onto the soft tan skin, slowly climbing up the sides. Hoseok's fingers found themselves playing with the black strains of hair while he was pressing his body closer Yoongi's. Their chests touched. Suddenly they were startled by the door opening behind them. Hoseok jumped up, but tripped and pressed down the keys of the piano and yelped as he frightened himself and fell back in Yoongi's lap. Yoongi, Wonshik and Jessi, the latter two have just entered the room, chuckled. Yoongi whispered "you're adorable" under his breath. "Did we interrupt you, lovebirds?" Jessi asked with a wide smile.

"No, no. We weren't doing anything." Yoongi answered with a smirk and the two stood up.

"Yeah, that sure didn't seem like it." Wonshik teased as Hoseok's face was painted in a faint fluster.

"What were we really supposed to do while waiting?" Yoongi complained taking Hoseok by the hand and walking together to the couch.

  
Awhile later Heechul and Minki showed up, as well as other people, and Minki saw that the two were openly holding one another's hands. "Finally!" He clapped his hands and ran off to a cabinet and took something in his hands. Then he went over to Hoseok and Yoongi and blew rose petals over them. The two have forgotten that Minki liked to commemorate love with the cute symbolic gesture. They didn't mind it and just snickered while glancing at each other.

-

The following day was also a considerably cheerful day for Yoongi and he was extremely touchy and cuddly with Hoseok throughout it all. He ate regularly as well. That was one of the things that would worry Hoseok the most about the other's depression. The lack of hunger. Luckily that day was quite great.

As they were reading books in the evening before going to sleep, Yoongi kept switching his position in bed to keep getting closer to the younger guy. Soon Hoseok felt a hand on his thigh resting oh so casually. He turned with a raised brow at Yoongi, who pretended to be sucked into the plot completely. Hoseok put down his no longer so fascinating read and moved to whisper right against Yoongi's ear. "Do you want to fool around, hyung? You seem pretty playful today." He purred and it sent shiver down Yoongi's spine. He slapped the book closed and faced the other so their lips would brush in the process.

"What do you have in mind?" Yoongi tried to not sound eager, desperate.

"Just a little fun, love. We could get frisky." His boyfriend was so agonisingly close that not kissing him was torturous. Yet he kept a game face on and sounded confident.

"I like fun. Especially with you." He bit into his lower lip as a grin was creeping up.

"Really, love?" He collided their lips as he climbed onto Yoongi's lap. The older guy nodded. "Then why don't we have some fun?"

"Please." His hand already was looking for the two items in a drawer. Hoseok quickly took off his boxers and Yoongi had already covered his fingers in lubricant. "Sit back down, Seok. I'm gonna take good care of ya." He smirked smugly. He teased his fingertip against Hoseok's rim as the younger gasped. Yoongi chuckled seeing the other's brows furrow. "Someone's impatient."

"That's because I know how awesome you feel. And I want that." He looked at Yoongi with pleading eyes and they closed shut when Yoongi inserted the first finger inside. "You're great, hyung." He purred as a second finger was added. "Absolutely wonderful." A third followed and Hoseok glued his lips to Yoongi's neck. "Fuck..." A muffled whisper sneaked out and Yoongi pulled out his fingers. "Let me help you with that, hyung." Hoseok smirked as he took a condom and opened the package. He took it out and slid it down on Yoongi's member and covered it up with lube. With Yoongi's hands on his hips and his on the older man's shoulders he went down on the length. "You fit perfectly..." He began moving his hips slowly.

"Because you're perfect." He caught the younger's lips as they seem to dance together. Soon their tongues joined as Yoongi rocked his hips to meet Hoseok's. One of his hands ran up Hoseok's back and got tangled in the soft strains of hair. "So fucking lovely... My baby." He had giving in to Hoseok's faster moves for awhile until he felt his body start to freeze up and his heartbeat increased. "Y-yell-llow..." He stuttered out after Hoseok has already felt Yoongi tense up and has stopped his actions.

"What is it, love?" Hoseok asked in a tender voice to not frighten his boyfriend and began comfortingly combing the black hair with his hands.

"I- I don't know..." He looked at him with shaky eyes. "You seem to tower over me like this..." It was barely audible. He looked so afraid.

"Do you want to stop? Should I get off?"

"Please stay like this."

"Okay, okay... What to tell me what's going on?"

"I... Remember... When... Vasco was- on me... When... I didn't want it."

"You're safe now. He won't hurt you. I'm with you." He kissed Yoongi's knuckles. It always had a huge calming effect on the older. "I won't hurt you."

"I'm sorry... I ruined it now..."

"No, no. It's all fine." He whispered with a gentle tiny smile. "What would you like?"

"Can... Can we continue with you laying down?" He asked with fear in his voice.

"Yeah, of cause, love."

"You want that, right? You're not just saying it out of pity?" He asked maneuvering to lay Hoseok down and for him to best on his arms above the younger.

"I want it too." He reassured with a nod. "I also want you to be comfortable."

"I love you, Seok-Seok." He kissed him. "My dear, Hoseokie." He very slowly began thrusting his hip. "Is this okay?" He asked as they locked their gazes together.

"Yes, hyung. It's great. Take your time, yeah?"

"Yeah... Yeah..." He took Hoseok's hands and intertwined their fingers to try an make it as romantic as possible. He still felt guilt for his flashback. "My love... Hoseokie..." He kept painting butterfly like kisses on the younger's profile. "I love you so much." His hips were still working in a steady rhythm. "You make me feel so safe and loved."

"I love you too." His hips jolted up as Yoongi hit his sweet spot stronger with the next thrust and he moaned biting into his lower lip. "Oh, honey..."

"Tell me how you feel." He asked continuing his trail.

"Amazing... The way only you can make me feel. You're bringing me to ecstasy, hyung." He purred out arching his back. "Your body close to mine is just magnificent. So right."

"I'll take you there..." He promised with a smile.

 

When they finished they went to sleep soon enough some smalltalk. Yoongi felt calm and safe falling asleep in Hoseok's arms.  
In the morning he woke up and slowly opened his eyes to witness the wall in front. He felt Hoseok's body shift behind him. That indicated that the younger guy has woken up as well. Yoongi turned around and met a lazy morning gaze. The corners of his lips curled up when Hoseok planted a kiss on his temple. "Good morning, hyung." A raspy morning voice sounded like a soft mumbled as Hoseok's eye were only half opened, yet still full of admiration.

"Good morning, Seok." He placed his hand on Hoseok's arm. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, did you?"

"Y- yeah." The answer was more of a breath than anything. His eyes kept moving, glancing at everything around Hoseok. Fearing to meet the stare for more than three seconds.

"What is it, baby?" Hoseok noticed how unsettled Yoongi felt. The older didn't seem to manage to bring himself to speak up. He would open his mouth, but quickly he would close it. "Yoongi hyung, is it about last night?" Yoongi's lips were pressed to a thin line as he finally help his eyes fixed on Hoseok's expression for over those long three seconds. "It's okay about what happened. I understand that you need time and that may happen."

"S-seok... I... I fucked up the moment..." He whispered anxiously. "It was pathetic."

"Don't say that, love. It was all fine. You are going through a hard time and I understand that. We will go at the pace that feels right and safest. I want you to be happy." The fingers squeezed the skin on Yoongi's side, where Hoseok's hand was, gently to prove he's there. "Through thick and thin, I'll stay by your side. I don't know the feeling, yet I'm sure flashbacks are shit. I don't blame you. I heard they come up when the mind is ready to confront the issue, so you are getting even stronger."

Yoongi was staring at him for what seemed like hours. At last he spoke up. "But- I feel so weak... Powerless, helpless, hopeless. They terrify me."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. I will do all I can, but you'll have to be the one doing the hard work. Fighting to win the battle. I know you'll win. You're capable of it."

"Sometimes I really don't think that."

"And that's okay also. We should just make sure you can tell the negativity to fuck off. Right?" Yoongi nodded. "Say it, love."

"Fuck off." There was barely any sound.

"Louder."

"Fuck off."

"A little bit louder."

"Fuck off." He did raise his voice a bit.

"A bit more."

"Fuck off, depression and pessimism! Fuck off! You can't hold me!" The confidence was faint, yet it was there. Hoseok smiled and collided their lips.

"Yes, love. May it fuck off. It better not linger around while I'm near you. My baby shall be happy." He could help but kiss Yoongi again. And for a longer period of time. Practically, after capturing Yoongi's lips, playing with them in with his mouth. Yoongi gave in. Surrendered into the love and care. He felt like he was laying senseless as Hoseok's arms explored the familiar lines of the body. Yoongi's hand made it's way Hoseok's arm and rested on the back of his neck, pulling the younger closer, deepening the kiss. Yoongi was getting drunk on consuming the energy of high lust. Hoseok was intoxicating. And addicting. A whimper was dragged off his lips with a moan as Hoseok's hands held him tighter and closer to him. They didn't feel like suffocating even though they haven't pulled apart for air. After awhile the moved away, just so slightly, panting and examining each other. "How do you feel this morning?"

"Good. Now I feel good. Thanks to you. As always."

  
-

  
What really surprised Hoseok, was how different Yoongi acted outside the house while depressed. If you wouldn't have known you probably couldn't tell that he was struggling with a serious illness.

But now he's been doing well for months. Happy and excited about everything. Making silly puns and feeling ashamed of them. Yet still unbelievability sarcastic. In private, so cuddly, touchy, offering kisses that often heat up. Being soft as the blooming flowers.

  
One day Hoseok was spending time with Namjoon in the mall. Helping his friend find a gift for his and Seokjin's anniversary. They were a cafe when he received a text. [Hey, babe... So you mentioned you're up for anything, right?] His lips curled up into a mischievous grin. [Yes, hyung. What do you have in mind? ;)] [You'll see... But I need to know when you'll be back.] [I'll probably be back in like two hours.] [See ya then.] Hoseok snickered and Namjoon raised a brow at the older's odd behavior.

  
Hoseok came back and didn't hear any sound in the house. He went up the stairs and reached the bedroom. He turned the handle and opened it. The view made his jaw fall ajar and a certain area twitch eagerly. Yoongi has (somehow) cuffed himself to the bedframe. The cuffs weren't the ones Hoseok has seen before, whenever online or in real life. They seemed like leather thick bracelets with silk bows. Around Yoongi's neck there was a thick leather chocker with, again, silk ribbon that tied into a bow with long ends. On his nipples he had claps with silver butterflies dangling from short chains. And what caught the most attention from Hoseok were the black lace panties (seemingly thongs), not hiding a semi well and not leaving much to imagination. Two ribbons were tied around Yoongi's pale thin thighs with bows, which were wrapped at the ends of fishnet thigh high stockings. On a chair besides the bed there were more instruments laid down. The elder smirked at the reaction. "Are you just going to stare or come and play?" Hoseok took off his shirt and while walking towards the bed he threw it somewhere on the floor. He sat down on the bed in front of Yoongi. "Do you know what I would like you to do to me?" He purred and Hoseok shook his head still mesmerised by the magnificence. "I want you to destroy me... Completely ruin me... Wreck me... Fuck the hell out of me... Unleash the stern and teasing dominance I know hides behind the five hundred wat smile. Would you do that to me?"

Hoseok leaned in to plant a wet and hungry openmouthed kiss. "Yes... Gladly." He grined from ear to ear. His hand traveled on the lovely soft skin and one gently tugged on the butterfly clamp. Yoongi whimpered in his mouth. "Remember the colours, love. Okay?" Yoongi hummed in agreement and leaning closer as much as the restrains allowed, but it was difficult at Hoseok decided it was fun to sit further and be a tease. Hoseok loved the show Yoongi has thought off, but he couldn't let himself forget that he needs to remember to not be too rough from the beginning. It was the first time Yoongi submitted. At least fully. Hoseok wanted yo make sure the older feels safe. "You look so pretty, hyung... Like a fucking present." He traces his finger tips around the ribbons on Yoongi's thighs. "It's almost a shame to wreck such brilliance... Almost." He gave Yoongi one more harsh kiss and backed away. "I can use what ever I want?" Even though his voice was sultry and husky playing seductive melodies to toy with Yoongi's arousal, but he did ask to know how far Yoongi is willing to go. The latter nodded vicariously.

"Please..." He whispered impatiently.

"Didn't someone asked to be teased...?" He raised a brow at the other's eagerness. Yoongi closed his mouth. "Now... What could I do to you?" He examined the vulnerability sexy image in front of him, making Yoongi blush. "Damn... You look like an actual doll... You want me to mark my pretty doll?"

"Please, Seok-Seok... Please..." He asked gazing through the dark lashes.

"Alright, sweetheart." He purred beneath Yoongi's yaw and began sucking on the skin below the choker to the sound of sweet little moans and the light rustling of the body under him. "You're so incredibly cute like this..." He commented moving his lips and teeth lower. His hands wandered on the body again and he purposely swayed the metal butterflies with the tips of his fingers gently. Forcing whimpers.

"M-more... Please..." He begged with a chocker moan as Hoseok bites and games became more intense. He was painting from the uniquely strong mix of pain and pleasure. He felt drunk and he bit into his lower lip to keep himself quiet. As much as it was possible at least. "Fuck!" He gasped as the teeth sunk in right under one of the clamps. His whole body shuddered. Hoseok continued marking throughout the whole body and then he began doing so around the panties. Yoongi especially restless as Hoseok was biting and sucking mercilessly on the inner thigh as his cheek was brushing against the lace. His lips reached the sensitive skin in the crook and he grazed his teeth. "Ah! Ho- Hoseok..."

Hoseok backed away and saw the colourful skin. He chuckled. "So beautiful." He trailed his fingers collecting the blooming dots. "You're like a piece of art." He smirked at the glossy eyes staring at him and following his movements carefully. "I could come after a few strokes seeing you so pretty like this."

"Then do... Fuck my mouth... Please... Let your come wash my throat... Then do it again and again... Come everything you can on or in me." Yoongi begged. "Please, Hoseokie... Cover my body, coat my insides with your come..." He licked his lips staring with half lidded eyes.

"Oh fuck..." Hoseok couldn't hide his raging erection straining in his pants even if he tried. "You want me to put those pretty pink lips to use?" Yoongi nodded. "Okay, darling. You convinced me." He got off the bed and took off his bottoms. Yoongi licked his lips again as Hoseok's hard member sprung up. "You like what you see?"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes... Please... Give me a taste."

"Patience, my love. We should do a little something extra for you first." He took lube and a vibrating butt plug. "This looks like fun." The grin was unbelievably sinful. "You're a filthy man, aren't you, honey?"

"Yes..." He answered. "I'm a fucking slut... I wish to be filled up with cock... Please do that for me..."

"Of cause you are." Hoseok chuckled. He sat down on the bed after he covered the plug in lube and lifting Yoongi's ass up a bit to move the string of the panties aside as he played with the tip of the toy against Yoongi's rim. The older whined. "Oh... You really want something inside... You're adorable." He shoved the plug in in one swift motion (are being sure it won't be too big for such a bold move). The cut off gasp made him snicker as he turned it on. Then Hoseok bestrode Yoongi's thighs and his crotch was really close to the elder's face. The latter had wide hungry eyes and the tip of his tongue was out as he was ready to enjoy a snack. "Kick me if it's too much." Yoongi nodded and eagerly accepted the whole length into his mouth. His lips stretched and cheeks hollowed as he moaned around it, asking Hoseok to move. And the younger did. Gently at the beginning as he threaded his fingers in the black hair and rocking into Yoongi's mouth. Yoongi tried his best to move faster to signal Hoseok to be more aggressive, so the younger sped up and was harsher. Drool was dripping down Yoongi's chin as he was a moaning mess. His own his thrusting up as the plug was horribly small for him. It didn't reach enough. Yet it was perfect for edging. "Ah fuck... I'm real close... I-" Yoongi hummed and swirled his tongue around the crown making Hoseok loudly moan out his orgasm. He plopped down in between Yoongi's legs as he tried to catch his breath.

"You're so gorgeous when you try to collect yourself after your high." Yoongi smirked.

Hoseok palmed at Yoongi's clothed erection and raised an eyebrow. "A cock ring? You truly want to be pushed over the edge."

"Perhaps." He answered tilting his head as little breaths danced off his lips. The view of Hoseok, taste of semen on his tongue, the vibrations in his ass, lace against his swollen dick was quite a combination to handle. "Depends if you can push me there, baby."

"Challenge accepted." He started kissing Yoongi's body once more until he reached one of the nipples and began sucking on what wasn't covered by the clamp. To that he heard whimpers and winces. Whines dragged off of Yoongi's lips in desperation. He kissed his way up to Yoongi's mouth and whispered into it after seeing teary eyes. "Tell me your colour."

"The greenest fuckin green... Ruin me..." He bit into Hoseok's lip and earned himself a rough openmouthed kiss with tongue as their teeth clashed. "Fuck me until I can't walk..."

"Be careful what you wish for." Hoseok made his way down Yoongi's chest and belly, accidentally disturbing the clamps and hearing a harsh breath. Then he began mouthing at Yoongi's swollen and reddened head and massaging his thighs. Yoongi was a mess on that bed and Hoseok was getting high off of the sight, sounds and feelings. He flatly licked a thick stripe along Yoongi's cock and could feel the older shiver. One of his hand traveled to Yoongi's ass and squeezed it then after a few hard thrust with the plug he turned it off and pulled it out. Making Yoongi feel too damn empty.

"W-will you fuck me now, Hoseokie?" Yoongi panted out as he was blinking out white spots from his eyes and trying to admire Hoseok's features.

He sat back up and grazed his teeth along Yoongi's jaw. "As much as I want to..." Kiss. "I think I'll have more fun with you beforehand." Bite. "What would you say, darling?"

"Please..." Hoseok backed away and Yoongi whined from the loss of skin ship. He went over to the chair and looked through his options. Humming while considering them. He picked up a reasonably big dildo. About the size of his own length. It seemed to have beets inside and buttons. That should be exciting... He turned at Yoongi with a dimply grin. For a split second he noticed the older's eyes widen, but then a smug smirk drew on his features. "What are you planning to do with that?"

"Play with you." The husky voice made Yoongi moan as Hoseok climbed back on the bed with something else in his hand, which Yoongi didn't understand what it was yet. He bestrode Yoongi and started moving a few pillows under Yoongi and lifting him up. Basically raising his body higher. Yoongi's mesmerised eyes followed Hoseok's moves, the tensing muscles. "God... You're so fucking pretty, hyung." He whispered placing the last pillow. Hoseok generously covered the dildo with lube and put near Yoongi's entrance. "May I?" Yoongi nodded and Hoseok slowly pushed it in as a delicious smirk grew wide on Yoongi's face. Hoseok turned on the toy instantly on the maximum speed and snickered at the little flustered gasp. He took the chocolate dust, that he has taken earlier, and sprinkled it on Yoongi's chest. The latter chuckled enthusiastically as Hoseok took his sweet as time patiently licking it off and intensely staring at Yoongi's lustful gaze. He spend even longer around the nipples claps making Yoongi hiss from the sensations. Soon, after the exciting game Hoseok decided to get a vibrator. He found a peaceful setting to contrast with the dildo and began massaging Yoongi's inner thighs while sucking on the incredibly sensitive nipples. It didn't take to long to reposition the vibrator on Yoongi's crotch to which he moaned out a cry. In no time, Yoongi's body shivered as another wave of the dry orgasm rushed through him like lighting. He practically choked on pleasure. Hoseok put the vibrator aside somewhere as he launched onto Yoongi to kiss him. When he eventually pulled away, yet still keeping his face close to the elder's, he saw the drying tears that had washed Yoongi's face a moment ago. He began combing the older man's hair with his delicate fingers. "Tell me your colour, hyung."

"G-green."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah..." He breathed out.

"Okay, darling." He collided their lips once more. And then he kissed his way down Yoongi's body to toy with the once again semi hard member through the lacy material as his hands roamed over the other's body. "Fuck... You're so tasty..." He purred.

Yoongi was hopelessly panting as his whole body was tensing up again. In no time Yoongi was shaking again. "Ho-hoseO!-k!" He yelled out cursing at the idea of the cock ring while know how fucking amazing it will feel later. "Oh... Fucking god... Seok-Seok." His chest was heaving as he felt like he was about to pass out. Hoseok noticed the weak feeling and pulled out the dildo.

"Are you okay, love?" He maneuvered above the older one to be face to face.

"Yeah." He said as if drunk or drugged. "I- I just need a breather. You're more than I expected." He chuckled and Hoseok gently kissed him on the lips. "Could... Could you... Play with yourself? I want you to paint me white..." He bit into his lower lip seductively with a small smirk dancing over his lovely features?

"You're perfect, hyung. Did you know that?" He smiled as he positioned himself in between Yoongi's legs while slowly letting his hand stroke the member to full hardness. "So magnificent..." He could hear Yoongi's breath hitch when his free hand rested on the man's thigh. "I've never seemed anyone more beautiful or heard someone moan so majestically..." He smirked seeing Yoongi get flustered. He began moving his hand faster and cursed feeling himself getting close.

"On me... Come on me, Seok-Seok. Please." Yoongi asked.

"Yeah?" Yoongi nodded. "That's precious..." He began stroking his shaft faster while panting. "You're so gorgeous for me, hyung... Ah..." White ropes stained Yoongi's upper body and Hoseok's hand. "Oh, fuck... You look so pretty like this... If you could see yourself... Spread out like this for me... More brilliant than van Gogh's best masterpiece." Hoseok smiled widely seeing Yoongi stick out his tongue as he opened his mouth. He raised an eyebrow as he raised his messy hand up as well. Yoongi nodded again. He reached Yoongi's mouth and the older began licking the hand and sucking the fingers clean. Hoseok shuddered from the sight. Yoongi seemed innocently passionate about it while mischief danced in his eyes and echoed with his moans. "Such a good boy, hyung." He chuckled once his hand was clean and leaned down to plant a hungry wet kiss onto that sinful mouth.

"Will you fuck your filthy slut now?" The question instantly made Hoseok half hard again. He batted his eyelashes like a doll. His pale complexion did make him look as if he was made of porcelain, yet the love bites, that were covering the while body, brought out a ton of colours stamped onto the older's lovely and delicate body.

"Holy shit!" Hoseok attached to Yoongi's lips and his hands roamed the other's skin. "How could I deny you? Especially, when you've been such a pleasure." He straightened his back and found the lube and a condom. Although both have gotten checked and were both clean.

"Sunshine... I want to feel you... Not the rubber." Yoongi whined.

"Yeah, okay." Hoseok put the plastic package away and grabbed the bottle of lube. He popped the cap open and squeezed out enough lubricant to smear on his length. After placing the bottle aside he tugged the hem of the panties down a bit, until Yoongi's member was almost completely out. He took off the cock ring and began stroking it and kissing the crown, sucking on it at times to tease the older beforehand. That gave him time to stiffen up more. Which was rather simple with the breathy whimpers accompanying his work.

"Please... Please... I'll fucking come before you even penetrate me... Seok-Seok."

Hoseok smiled and straightened out as precum was shining on his lips. "Alright, alright, my lovely, yet impatient doll." He whispered right next to Yoongi's ear and licked the shell of it, forcing a broken gasp. And a louder one the moment he begun sliding into the older male. He groaned at the snug, warm and wet feeling. The tip immediately brushed against the prostate and Yoongi's body arched up from the pillows. Hoseok grabbed Yoongi's hips tighter and started thrusting into him gently. At first. As his moves were becoming harsher the butterflies jangled louder, pulling on the older's nipples and stealing hisses.

"More... More... Please..." Yoongi gazed up with tearful eyes. "Fuck-!" He scrunched his nose and closed his jaw up from the rough pace. "Yesyesyesyes... Yes! Seok-Seok!" He was a panting mess and practically sobbing as teardrops rolled down his cheeks. His breath was shaking. Loud cries echoed as Hoseok's hand was mercilessly jerking him off.

"Do you like it like this, hyung?" Hoseok asked in between heavy breaths.

"Yes, sunshine... God yes... You fuck me so good..." Yoongi was pulling on the cuffs as his body was trying curl up from the overwhelming pleasure. He wrapped his legs around Hoseok's waist giving the younger even more access. The hips and the hand went faster and Yoongi screamed out a cry in ecstasy. "Ho- Hoseok... I'm gonna come!"

Hoseok leaned down and grazed his teeth along Yoongi's neck. "Come, baby... Stain you belly even more... Won't that be pretty, eh?" With that Yoongi's eyes rolled to the back of his skull and came all over his chest and Hoseok's hand. Soon Hoseok came inside of him and-

Yoongi finally blinked out the little spots from his vision and looked up at Hoseok, who was wiping his tears away with a warm smirk. "Your other hand..." He grined tiredly. Hoseok licked a stripe across it swallowing Yoongi's release and moved it to the elder's mouth who began cleaning it off with his desperately wonderful tongue as their gazes were locked together. Hoseok decided to put the lacy panties back up over the overstimulated length. The sensitive skin was aching and Yoongi whimpered. "I... I can't feel my... Arms..." He lazily showed off a half smile when Hoseok began untying him free.

"How on earth did you even manage to get tied up?"

"That shall remain a mystery to you and all take the secret to my grave." They chuckled. Yoongi rubbed his wrists and sat up with a huge grin. He crawled closer to Hoseok and started licking off his chest, which was covered in white ropes. He was resting on his weak hands while leaning forward. The innocent pose itself was enough to turn Hoseok on, but the filthy activity...that was simply too much. With a mischievous smirk Yoongi palmed at Hoseok's member and began lazily stroking it. Once he cleaned of Hoseok's upper body well enough he trailed his tongue to the semi hard cock. His lips stretched around it and he took it in his mouth all in one go without a gag or anything. Well, he was gifted to not have the hellish reflex. Awhile later and he was swallowing down Hoseok's release again. "You're so fucking delicious..." He licked his lips.

"C'mon, let's get these butterflies off... I can't believe they don't hurt you enough."

"Oh... They sting like a bitch, Hoseokie... I just can't feel it anymore." He chuckled and laid down. His black hair fanned out on the pillow. Hoseok removed the first clamp and he began licking and sucking on the nipple to mollify any pain. Then he did the same with the other nipple. He saw the slowly drying come on Yoongi's chest.

"Let me wipe you off." He went to get a wet towel. By the door, when he returned, he saw the older swirling his finger in the mixture of their come while sitting with an archer spine on the bed. Hoseok couldn't resit and took a phone, which was nearby and snapped a photo. Yoongi heard and turned his head to face the younger as he put the finger in his mouth and sucked only it.

_Click_.

"Am I that pretty?" There was that precious head tilt, that made him look like an actual kitten. And a hint of a smirk.

_Click_.

"You're the fairest of them all, love." He placed the gadget aside and walked over to Yoongi. Kissed him and began wiping off the come before it dried on the skin. He left once more to put the towel away and returned as Yoongi was taking off the chocker. "Do you want to take all of it off for the night?" Hoseok asked.

"What do you mean?" Yoongi raised an eyebrow as he put the item on the chair.

"Those stockings look really great on you... Like damn... You're legs, hyung. They are... _Damn_." Hoseok was lacking words to explain how attractive he thought Yoongi looked with that piece of clothing.

"I guess I could keep them for the night." He winked at Hoseok and took off the other items, apart from the beautiful fishnets. He stood up and walked over to the closet swaying his hips gently as he put his legs one in front of the other. Showing off his lovely body. He found a T-shirt at put it on for the night. It was a big and baggy white one, making him look so cute and small. He took a green one and threw it at the younger, who caught it. "It should be a chilly night. Don't get cold."

"If you keep walking like this we both will be very hot throughout the whole night." Yoongi just chuckled as light as a feather and stretched. The hem of the top rose up from his thighs to his hips momentarily. "I'm sleepy. Let's clean up tomorrow. Come cuddle with me to sleep, sunshine." He said slipping under the sheets.

"Okay, love." He laid down and wrapped his arms around Yoongi's. The older did the same and also draped his long leg over Hoseok's muscular ones. "How did you tie yourself up?"

Yoongi smirked smugly. "Magic." He whispered like it was the biggest secret of the universe.

"Oh come on...." Hoseok laughed and peppered kisses on Yoongi's neck gently enough to tickle. "Tell me, hyung." He whined."

"Goodnight, Seok-Seok."

"Hyung~"

-

When Yoongi woke up he noticed Hoseok sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard reading something on his phone. Yoongi smelled coffee and almost began drooling. "Hi " he said sleepily.

"Good morning." He greeted cheerfully and put his phone aside.

"I. Smell. Coffee." He mumbled. "And I can't feel my ass... And nipples... And wrists... But I fucking love it."

He chuckled. "This morning I thought I could bring some breakfast in bed. Especially after yesterday's surprise." He grined.

Yoongi sat up and scanned the room. Clean. Hoseok must have tidy it up while Yoongi was asleep. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Is that so?" He finally spoke up.

"Mhm." Hoseok nodded. He placed the food between them and gave Yoongi his mug.

"Thanks, Hoseokie." He took his chin and dragged the younger closer for a kiss on the cheek. He would have kissed him on the mouth, but morning breath wasn't a bit turn on. He took a sip of his coffee and slipped one of his legs out of the cover. Hoseok's jaw fell and a drop of his beverage streamed down his chin. Yoongi whipped it off with his thumb and snickered. "Be careful. You don't want to spill your drink and burn yourself."

"I have never quite seen legs like yours, hyung..." He was memorised by the soft skin covered in the thin material of the stockings. "When I saw you yesterday I wanted to ruin you instantly... So pretty."

"I tried for you, Seok-Seok. I wanted us to try something new and look really special for you." He placed the cup on his bedside table and took the food. While they were eating they didn't talk about anything serious. Joking around at times. After breakfast they were drinking their warm drinks again as Hoseok was tenderly rubbing Yoongi's exposed thigh, gently running his fingers over the stocking once he'd reach it. "Oh, the photos! I wanna see how I looked, can you show me?" He remembered.

"Um, yeah, hyung. Let me find them." He grabbed his phone unwillingly removing his hand from Yoongi's leg and quickly gave the older the device.

Yoongi quietly examined the three pictures while taking his time and finally gave Hoseok the phone back. "I'd fuck me."

Hoseok bursted out laughing. "That's the conclusion?"

"Yeah, I look great in lace... And dirty from come... And just sinful."

"You sure do." He put his phone away and his hand returned on Yoongi's thigh. "And I got to see that."

"Oh... You got much more than just see."

"Yeah." He leaned to kiss Yoongi.

  
When the beverages were drunken Hoseok's hands began roaming Yoongi's body, especially legs, as they were sharing a heated kiss. Yoongi has wrapped his legs around Hoseok's hips and was running his hand through the dark hair as the other was wandering under the T-shirt. Hoseok began pressing his lips onto Yoongi's jaw and neck. Then he moved back a bit and leaned down to begin kissing Yoongi's legs. Slowly traveling down the thighs towards what was still covered by the shirt. Yoongi, with one hand still in Hoseok's messy locks, smirked while whispering praises to his boyfriend. At last Hoseok's lips were on Yoongi's inner thigh. Right next to joint of the hip. "My pretty pretty, hyung... Do you even know what you do to me?" He bit into a last night's mark and Yoongi's grip on his hair tightened.

"We- we gotta shower... It's Saturday, sunshine."

"I just want to play with you all day. Make you feel good..." A thick long stripe was trailed by his tongue across the underside of Yoongi's length.

"I can't fucking breath with you, can I?"

"I can't either... Especially when you are wearing those damn fishnets. Holy fuck." His hands stroked along the thin legs as his mouth got busier.

"Dear Christ- Hoseokie... You fucked me out yesterday..." That didn't stop the younger from doing what Yoongi did enjoy. "I thought _I_ was the come slut..."

  
Yoongi promised to repay Hoseok in the shower after their little make out session that took place after Yoongi's high. They quickly brushed their teeth. Yoongi haven't really glanced at the mirror so he hasn't noticed the bruises on his neck. Hoseok tried to keep distracting him because he wished to be sure it won't trigger Yoongi. His anxiety was picking up and he tried his best to not let it show, yet before they even took off their clothes Yoongi confronted him about it. "Seok-Seok, what's wrong? Are you not telling me something?"

"Everything's fine, hyung. It's nothing to worry about." He smiled awkwardly.

"Don't hide anything from me, please... You know I don't like it. I opened up about everything to you. Almost at least. Tell me what's up... Please."

"It's just... I- I marked you a lot."

"Well, that's not a big deal. I loved it."

"The bruises, hyung. I don't wish for them to... awaken... frightening memories." He said nervously, but Yoongi just smiled softly.

"Hoseokie." He took the younger's hands and intertwined their fingers. "I feel good now. And I know they are from love and trust. If I wouldn't have liked then, I would have asked you to not leave them. I know you would have stopped."

"There's... A lot of them. All over your body."

"I know. I felt your teeth."

"Alright..." While Yoongi watched his movements, he pulled off the white T-shirt. He started to pepper kisses all over Yoongi's chest while whispering. "I love you, hyung. I love you so much. I would never want to harm you. I care about you and your health, safety. I want you to be happy, love." He finally faced the elder.

"I love you too." He turned at a full body mirror and saw his reflection. His pale complexion was coloured in purple, red, blue. All over. He could see them through the fishnets as well, but without the shirt it was an unbelievably massive amount of them blooming. So many even on his inner thighs. "Woah... That's all from last night?"

"Sorry, darling, you're just so delicious." Hoseok wrapped his arms around Yoongi's waist. "I guess I got... Out of control."

"So much..." He took a shaky breath and Hoseok turned him around.

"But you're safe. Aren't you?" Yoongi nodded with a sigh. "I will never ever hurt you on purpose. Those are love bites, yeah? And I just couldn't stop my love for you, hyung."

"Yeah." He said calmly and steady, with his eyes fixed on Hoseok's nervous features. "Everything is okay. I trust you. You won't do me harm... If I ask, you'll take care of me. Even if I don't actually." He nodded to himself.

"Yes, Yoongi hyung. Always."

"Well then, we shouldn't worry. It's cute. Not work appropriate, but I'll just cover up my neck with makeup on Monday. But I can parade your love now."

"Yes."

"Good." The corners of Yoongi's mouth curled up. "Let's go shower then. I have a promise to keep." He said with a wink and slid the stockings off in a slow teasing performance. "Are you coming or should I _come_ alone?" Yoongi asked smugly while walking backwards towards the shower.

"Didn't I promise to stay with you?" He shrugged casually as he raised a brow and chased after the older once his to was off of his body. After closing the glass door Hoseok pushed Yoongi to the cold wall, which made the shorter man giggle awkwardly. Hoseok turned on the warm water to rain on them as he stuck his lips to Yoongi's for what seemed like forever. After awhile the older pushed Hoseok to the wall and dropped on his knees on the tiled floor. A view he was glad to see. Yoongi knew how to use his mouth and tongue to make people tremble. And he also knew Hoseok's weaknesses. A double threat in deed. A wide grin was on his face as those plush lips stretched around Hoseok's length. The younger sighed deeply. "Fucking god...." His breath hitched when Yoongi's nose and lips bobbed Hoseok's pelvis. "You treat me too well, hyung ~" a whiny moan escaped.

 

  
"Seriously, hyung, your skills are incredible." Hoseok expressed his opinion with wide hand gestures while they were eating breakfast. Yoongi chuckled ad almost chocked on his bite as he was swallowing it.

"You're not my first partner. Most of my previous partners had a dick. Only one didn't. My first girlfriend. I had time to practice." He said while moving his chopsticks like wands as he explained. Then he stared down at his food, took a piece and quietly added a mumble. "And there were other ways to practice."

Hoseok raised a brow and grined. "What did you do?" He asked rubbing his thumb over the back of Yoongi's hand.

"I... Noticed I have a preference for men a long time ago... So... I wanted to be sure I can please them. I- when no one could see me, I would at first practice with the toothbrush in the morning or evening, then I would try to see how much of a banana would fit into my mouth..." A blush bloomed crimson on his cheeks. "After me and my girlfriend broke up I would hook up with people. Sort of. I would give them blow jobs and ask to rate them. Then I asked my friend that once. He was weirded out at first, but let me try." His face was covered up with his hair to hide the embarrassment. "It wasn't too hard. I didn't have too much of a gag reflex to learn to tone down anyway."

"You asked people to _rate_ your blow job skills?" He snickered at the shameful nod. "That's adorable. Well I'd rate it the same as Benedict Cumberbatch's acting. Twelve out of ten at least." Yoongi finally met Hoseok's gaze and saw a dimply smile. "You're so cute. Even when you talk such oddly filthy things."

"C'mon, like you never tried sucking something off before someone to be sure you could please them."

"My first guy was Jay. I have never sucked off anyone else before him." He noticed Yoongi's demeanor change into a slightly more serious one. "Before that I did try to see how deep something could go in my mouth without me gaging. But when me and Jay got together he taught me some cool tricks."

"Damn... I think it is a bit odd... Your ex being my ex's son... And us being friends."

"And us living in the house. And me knowing those steamy photos you have. And knowing you have some videos that could contain anything."

Yoongi chuckled. "Honey, I'm a filthy little slut at times. There are more photos and I know you know what's in the CDs."

"Just tell me." Hoseok begged. "I just want to be sure."

"Those are sex tapes."

"I knew it! Ha!" He exclaimed.

"I figured." Yoongi answered calmly. "I like a lot of different games."

"Do you want to try some more with me?"

"Hell yeah."

"Like what?"

"More fun toys, perhaps even a sex tape, sexting, different places to have sex in, maybe public sex."

"What? Public? Wasn't in the club already public?"

"I'm talking a bit more than that."

"More?" Hoseok eyes were wide. "I'm intrigued, yet nervous."

"That's what makes it fun."

"Have you had sex in public?"

"Plenty of times." He shrugged.

"Were you ever caught?"

"Once. Five years ago. We were in a mall and decided to see a movie. Things got heated and the person who checks the cinema noticed us."

"What were you doing?"

"I did try to not look suspicious so I faced the screen to pretend I was watching the film while I was being fucked by him. The dude noticed arms around my waist basically."

"Well, you should have been more careful."

"Like you could do better in my case."

"Is that a challenge?" He grinned form ear to ear whole Yoongi had an intense stare fixed on him.

"We have a few hours." He finally spoke up. "Dress up, we're going to the movies." Yoongi finished his coffee, put away the dirty dishes and left to change. Hoseok stared the older walk away. What did he just get himself into? He wasn't sure if he was more excited or scared.

 

On the ride there they talked about completely random subjects. Not minding the business they were going there for even though both knew that Yoongi had a condom and lube in his pocket. Hoseok took some tissues to avoid a mess that would be difficult to explain later. When they arrived at the cinema they picked a random movie, to which the commercials had already begun. The place wasn't packed fully. The last row was fortunately empty so they sad in the middle of it. No one was paying attention to them. They didn't look suspicion, even though Hoseok kept glancing around the room. When the lights were turned off and the movie began Yoongi turned and Hoseok with an obnoxiously smug expression and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "So, are you going to prove me wrong or are you just going to watch that dinosaur?" All that he he knew was that the main characters were trying to protect dinosaurs. He didn't care too much at that moment. Not when seeing Hoseok's daring and determined gaze. The younger licked his lips. 

"I'll show you how it's done." He quickly looked around and kneeled down on the floor in between Yoongi's legs. He unzipped Yoongi's jeans and tugged down the hem of the underwear to take out Yoongi's member. The older relaxed in his seat. From afar it would have looked like he was watching the screen, yet his eyes were fixed on Hoseok, who's hand was slowly working him up. That didn't last long as his hand was replaced with his mouth in no time. Yoongi didn't move, just glared at Hoseok grazing his teeth along Yoongi's member. The older gulped when the lovely heart shaped lips stretched around his length once more. Yoongi parted his lips as Hoseok worked harder. Yoongi almost came right there and then, but he tapped Hoseok on the arm to inform him that it was time for the show. He quietly removed the erection from his mouth and sat down on Yoongi's lap, facing the screen, after tugging his bottoms down. He held himself up on the armrests and Yoongi took out the lube and coated his fingers in it. The first finger quickly made it's way into Hoseok, who leaned his head on Yoongi's shoulder. He was trying to stay silent as a second followed. Once he stretched the younger enough with three fingers he put on a condom while Hoseok was on the look out. After some lube Hoseok got down on Yoongi's member while biting his lip. He leaned his back against Yoongi's chest and turned his head to whisper in the older's ear. "Hold me underneath my shirt." Yoongi did. "That way perhaps you won't give it away." The smug smirk was wiped off with a heated kiss. They eventually pulled apart and Hoseok examined the place again. On the screen he saw Chris Pratt. People were all really interested in the film. No workers have walked in to check up on them. The younger sighed from relief. He began slowly moving his hips up and down. His thighs were strong, he could take it. Yoongi would meet him half way with his own thrusts. Hoseok heard little encouragements and praises behind him. Yoongi's hand moved up to play with Hoseok's nipple and he had to cover his mouth with his palm to hold back all the sounds Yoongi was forcing out of him. Hoseok's heart stopped and the anxiety finally kicked in when he saw a worker coming in.

"You're just watching a movie." Yoongi whispered. "Cover me and don't move." Easier said then done. Hoseok was so turned on, Yoongi was still pinching his nipple, adrenaline because of the chance of being caught was rushing through his veins. He covered his own erection with his hand as the worker was casually checking the people. Hoseok's eyes widened and he bit the inside of his cheek to suppress a moan when Yoongi slowly began moving. He got even braver and decided to jack Hoseok off in patient linguistic strokes, pressing in the slit with his thumb. "Good boy, Seok-Seok. Just pay attention to the screen." Yoongi instructed. Hoseok whimpered quietly when the worker got closer to them and sighed deeply when the he finally turned around and left. Yoongi's plush lips danced at the back of his neck. "Such a good boy, Hoseokie." The raspy voice made Hoseok moan out louder. Fortunately no one heard him. He started riding Yoongi backwards again. He was so eager and felt so mischievous. It was an experience like never before. And he needed more.

"Hyung ~"

"You're close?" Yoongi received a nod. "Alright, let me come first and then I'll take care of you." Hoseok nodded again and soon felt the condom get filled up inside of him as he was trying his best to stay silent with the sound of a breathy groan next to his ear. Yoongi lifted Hoseok up and took off the condom, tied it up and wiped off his member with a tissue, in which he wrapped in the used rubber. After a quick thought he placed it on the seat beside him. They moved with speed yet silence and Hoseok was left on the seat alone with Yoongi in between his legs fixing up the bottoms. The older gazed up with a soft yet seductive smile shining in the dark place. He leaned closer and exhaled into Hoseok's tip, which was aching for release. He licked his lips and kissed the slit. Hoseok shuddered while digging his nails into the armrests. The hitching breaths and gasps and moans weren't simple to hide when Yoongi started deepthroating without the smallest gag or another issue. Their gazes were locked together. Yoongi's was predatory and Hoseok's prey like. The latter was the feast. Somehow, without loudly making noise Yoongi managed to set vibrations from his throat. Hoseok's hips jolted up uncontrollably. Yoongi did had to work his magic for too long after before Hoseok was coming in his mouth. Yoongi hungrily accepted the blow. While zipping Hoseok's plants up he licked off his lips once more. He climbed up in Hoseok's lap and started making out as quietly as possible. They actually were quiet, if anything the dinosaurs would have hid their noises. Yet they didn't notice the worker returned. They squinted as soon as the young person shined a flashlight in their faces. Seeing the two noticed him he turned it off and Yoongi faced him, Hoseok was blushing and looking away. Yoongi shrugged trying to convince the man they weren't doing anything. The worker pointed at the seat and the screen then raised his finger up showing that they get only one warning. Yoongi nodded and sat down in a seat next to Hoseok after quickly scanning if the condom wasn't there. The worker watched them for a minute and left with a serious expression. Yoongi took Hoseok's hand and whispered. "Good work, baby. That was great." And then they tried realising the meaning of the plot from the random part of the film.

  
After the movie Yoongi grabbed the trash. They let others leave first and then he threw out the tissue as the cleaning staff entered. Before leaving themselves Yoongi couldn't resist sneakily kissing Hoseok while no one was looking. He understood that a gay couple wasn't really accepted, yet he loved to test his luck. Then with a flustered Hoseok and a smug grin plastered across Yoongi's face they left the cinema. Walking by the worker who saw them. Yoongi winked at him to throw him off.

In the car they kissed again with their hand all over the desperate bodies. They didn't know for how long, yet they felt high when they pulled apart. They were panting and didn't care if someone would see or hear them. Hoseok snickered excitedly. "I can't believe we just did that."

"We can do more if you wanna." Yoongi showed off his gummy smile. "You only gotta ask."

"Shit... Hyung, it's never boring with you."

"I try, baby." He turned on the car. "Anyway, we can hang out back home a bit until we go to the club."

 

Hoseok was on all fours on the couch. Yoongi had a strong grip on his hips as he was thrusting energetically into him. They didn't have enough fun yet, so they have decided to experiment in the club while no one else was there. They weren't exactly holding back their moans. Yoongi slapped Hoseok's, who groaned shamelessly, ass. "Fuck, sunshine. You feel so fucking amazing." He grunted while pounding into Hoseok from behind him.

"Hyung... You're so great. Ah! God damn... I could be fucked by you all day."

"Ya might be." Yoongi chuckled. "Fuck, I'm close."

"Come." And he did. Just like in the morning, Yoongi finished sucking Hoseok off and threw out the used condom in the restroom. When he came back, Hoseok pinned him down to the couch and leeched onto his lips and changing between them and the neck. Whichever he was hungrier for. Yoongi moaned from pleasure as Hoseok kept stroking his boyfriend's magnificent legs. While they were making out they heard a screech. They didn't bother to stop immediately, but did end up turning at the man standing by the entrance.

"Hey, Jay." Yoongi grined from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat.

"Hi."

"H-hey, hyungs... Should- I give you some time."

"I think we're good here." Yoongi sat up glue his and Hoseok's chests together. He kissed him again for a second. "Aren't we, love?"

"Yes, hyung. For now."

"Why do you look like you did something on that couch?" Jay asked with an awkward half smirk.

"Judging from the sounds they did do something." Wonshik appeared next to Jay.

"Is that your evidence?" Yoongi asked with an innocent glare and the adorable, according to Hoseok, head tilt.

  
-

  
It has been about a year since Vasco has gone to rehab. No one, accept for Wonshik and Jay, knew when he was coming back. One Saturday the two informed the group that the eldest will be returning. There weren't any alcoholic drinks in sight and the weed was put away for the time being. The majority of them didn't know why he was there so they didn't want to risk triggering a possible relapse for him. Hoseok and Yoongi were in the hallway. Yoongi was staring at the ceiling while leaning against the wall.

"Fuck... Just fuck..." He took a deep breath. "I'm glad he's well enough to leave. I really am." He closed his eyes. "I just feel this fear... The worry. I don't think he'll attack anyone, but it doesn't seem to stop my mind from being a little bitch."

"I know, hyung." Hoseok took Yoongi's hands. "I'm anxious too. For you. But I'm sure it will be alright."

"Yeah. It should." He looked down and now face Hoseok, who kissed his knuckles. "I like when you do that. I feel safe. And loved." He smiled softly. "But you could kiss me on the lips as well." Hoseok grined and did as suggested. Yoongi draped his arms around Hoseok's neck and the younger wrapped his around Yoongi's waist. "I love you, Seok-Seok." He moaned in between tiny breaks.

"I love you too, hyung. So much." Hoseok answered breathlessly. From the corner of his eyes he noticed a figure. He will always recognise that man. Yoongi jumped seeing the older man and took a step back releasing Hoseok.

"Hey, I'm not going to hurt you." Vasco said calmly.

"Hi... I know." Yoongi said. "I'm glad you're better."

"Same to you."

"I... We... Um-"

"Don't worry, Yoongi. I get it. I'm sure everyone saw it coming. You two seem happy together."

"We are." Hoseok said not fully trusting the eldest.

"That's great. Should we go in?"

"Yeah. I'd love to hear about you."

  
Vasco was greeted warmly and he soon reassured them that it was fine to smoke weed. So after learning quickly about what's new while smoking a joint each he was ready to tell his story.

"So, I'm sure you've noticed that my alcohol intake has increased before I left. That's cause I'm an alcoholic. I was blind and deaf to the reality, but I was able to have a few to talk me into getting help. I realise how unfair and unhealthy it was for Yoongi and I know the business could have fallen apart. Luckily Wonsik took great care of everything." Everyone was silent as graves listening to the untold truth. "Unfortunately, alcohol is not my only weakness. I started doing cocaine." Gasps filled the room. "I met some people and... I don't even know what happened. Which is in no way an excuse. I understand that. Because it hurt more than just me. I was an awful example for Jay, Yoongi had to suffer with dealing with me. I was a nightmare to be with."

"No, hyung-" Yoongi tried defending him.

"C'mon, don't pretend. You for sure wouldn't wish for that to happen. You deserve someone like Hoseok. Someone who has it together. Who would never hurt you. Anyway, somehow I managed to end the treatment earlier than expected. The guilt and shame might have been my push. I know things won't be as before. I wouldn't expect them to be. I'm actually thinking of moving somewhere." Another wave of gasps was heard. "It's unexpected news, yeah, but I was thinking while in treatment that getting away from a busy city would help. I think I just get too distant from what's important here. Of cause, that's not a settled plan. Perhaps I would just buy some summer house in the country. I'm just considering ideas."

 

The people were understanding and not pushy to get more information. They also could tell that Vasco will want to have a conversion with Yoongi, Jay and Wonshik. So when the others have left they all sat down around the table. Hoseok was ready to leave as well.

"Can't he stay? He knows things. He's involved." Yoongi asked.

"If you want to, Hoseok." The eldest stated.

"Isn't better if I go home? Unless you wouldn't want to drive alone." He was talking to Yoongi.

"I don't know, I might be more comfortable if you drive." He said taking Hoseok's hand.

"Okay." He sat down next to Yoongi on armrest of an armchair. "If that's what's better, hyung. It's fine with me either way."

"Alright, could I tell you want I was considering?" Vasco asked and the other men nodded. "I want you to be the owners of the club. I don't think it's for me anymore."

"What? But how are we supposed to do that, dad?"

"You're the perfect candidates. Wonshik, you're the one who knows exactly how this place and business runs. Jay, I would have to write it down in my will. You'd already have part of the share. Yoongi, you've seen me work and I do owe you."

"Don't do this out of pity. I worked over this. I can sustain my home."

"You always said you want to travel, you could quit the job and follow your true passion without worrying about money."

"It's fine now. I don't need much. They can take over it. I can't."

"The money would secure whichever house you stay in."

"It's the same one. Reconstructed, yet the same."

"That's expensive. How are you supporting it with your wage?"

"Hoseok has a job too." He murmured.

"So you live in the house together?" He seemed flabbergasted. That tone made Yoongi flinch.

"Yeah... We're dating... Sorry."

"You don't have what to apologise for."

"Hell yeah he doesn't." Hoseok said. "He's free to make decisions he wants. He has a beautiful mind."

"Hoseok hyung..." Jay didn't except the older's reaction. "I think you're being a bit too defensive right now."

"No. He has full right." Vasco interrupted his son. "The things I did... I should be in jail, but it's because of Yoongi's kind heart I'm not. I see Hoseok doesn't really agree with it."

"After I heard what you did I wanted to beat you up, but that way I wouldn't be any better than you were." His voice was low and threatening and accompanied by a piercing gaze. Hoseok was still mad that Yoongi had to go through all the pain. "I don't understand how can someone let a loved one suffer because of them so terribly. That's disgusting." He commented through gritted teeth and Yoongi squeezed his hand so he turned at the lovely brown eyes, that were calm and forgiving. "Sorry, dear." He looked back at Vasco. "I still would have dragged your ass to the police."

"It's okay now, Hoseokie."

"Only because you're such a strong angel." He kissed Yoongi's temple. "You're able to survive even hell. Even though you don't deserve it. You don't deserve any of it."

"But I probably wouldn't have ended up with you otherwise. It's worth it." Yoongi smiled at him. "It's worth just for you."

"God... I don't even deserve you. How did I get so lucky?"

"I could ask the same thing."

"I don't mean to interrupt your brilliant moment, but there's still some business." Wonshik reminded.

"Of cause. Sorry."

"I'm serious about you taking over." Vasco reminded his idea.

"What if me and Yoongi share thirty percent and Wonshik hyung gets forty?"

"Why do I get the most?"

"Cause you understand this stuff."

"I don't need the extra money." Yoongi protested.

"It could help you."

"I... I can't be a part of something so important."

"Why?"

"Because of depression. It gets really horrible sometimes."

"I thought you said you've worked past that."

"I have Seasonal Affective Disorder."

"How is that even a serious one?"

"Ask Hoseok about how I laid in bed refusing food and just wishing to die. Or just planning different ways too end all. Almost doing it a few times. While he would be out I would use up the opportunity to ball my eyes out. They would literally start to burn from all the tears." Yoongi raised his voice a bit and Jay with Wonshik quietly sat shocked. "If Hoseok wouldn't have been with me, I might have killed myself months ago." The outbursts left Vasco frowning.

"I see. I'm sorry. I didn't realise the severity."

"Depression is depression. Despite the name of the diagnosis' type." Hoseok added in a stern voice.

"Okay, I get it now."

"You better!"

"Seok-Seok... Don't yell at him." Yoongi asked.

"But how about when he would use to scream at you?"

" _Used_ to. Vasco's I'll too. Let's not forget."

"You're right, hyung. I'm sorry I'm acting like this." He kissed the top of Yoongi's head. "That's immature and I'm not making you feel any better, love." He kissed the same place again.

"Don't worry. I know you only care."

"Sorry, Vasco hyung." Hoseok apologised. "Please, continue."

"Well, I do think Yoongi should accept this. You can quit your job."

"I can't... I can't function during those months."

"You have support, Yoongi. And you'd only have to do a third of everything. You can all divide the work to what is the easiest for each."

"Then... Jay and Wonshik should have forty each."

"But I'm often in America. How am I suppose to work here?"

"Son, you'll be able to afford the expensive trips and you don't always have to work here. Having an... International view would be beneficial."

"I see where you're going with this." Wonshik nodded to himself, I know everything here like the back of my hand, Jay has traveling experience and is your son, who you'd like to keep the family business, and Yoongi hyung in a musical genius, this place could use his expertise. He has helped in the past tremendously and could follow his dream in the process. It makes sense." Everyone sat completely quiet for awhile.

"Okay. That makes a lot of sense actually." Jay agreed.

"I still say that twenty percent is more than enough." Yoongi didn't back down.

"Could I talk you into thirty? That would leave Wonshik and Jay with thirty five."

"Hyung... I'm not sure."

"I can't believe I'm saying this..." Hoseok started. "But I think I agree with Vasco hyung. It'd be great for you, hyungie." He wrapped his arms around Yoongi's shoulders. "Even if it takes awhile to reach your goal, which I know you can reach, you'd have a stable income and... I've been meaning to tell you... That... Jeongguk and me are planning to start a business of our own..."

"What?" The older man's jaw dropped as he locked his eyes with his boyfriend. "When did you decide that?"

"We were talking about it for a long time now. Years, actually. Last week, when we met up we have come to the conclusion that we want to open up a dance studio. I would still work in the library, but on the side... We'd try to get our business up and running."

"Okay... That... That sounds like a great idea. I know you two can do it. You're both determined and intelligent, people like you. You're extremely talented and skilled."

"That's it?" Hoseok's eyebrows raised. "You're not mad I've never told you this?"

"No."

"Fuck... How are you real?" Hoseok embraced a quite heated kiss, that Yoongi answered without a doubt. After a few seconds somebody cleared his throat and they heard Vasco and Jay as they turned to the three.

"Don't kiss my ex boyfriend in front of me."

"I wish my lion was here to kiss... But he's on a trip." Wonshik remembered Taekwoon.

Yoongi grined widely and collided their lips again. Being a tease. "I'm glad you're trying something so huge. I'm sure you'll succeed." He stated with certainty. "Anyways, Vasco hyung." He faced the eldest. "Are you sure you want to quit this business? Didn't you always want it?"

"I did, but I know it's the right thing to do. I need a more peaceful activity. A calmer life." He explained.

"Damn it... Fine... Fine. I'm in." Yoongi shrugged. "It could work as a distraction at certain moments. Thirty I guess."

"If Yoongi hyung is in, how could I not be?" Wonshik agreed.

"Well... Okay, dad." Jay was also on board. "But I still think Wonshik hyung should get forty precent."

"No, Jay, you're the son." The DJ disagreed. "Thirty five. Let's do this."

"Fine, fine." He nodded accepting the offer. "Oh... The paperwork will be a hassle."

"A real bitch." Yoongi said.

"Great. I'm glad you guys are up for it." Vasco smiled.

"I have a question." His ex boyfriend faced him.

"Yes?"

"What will you do after this then?"

"I'm thinking of buying some cabin in the Bahamas or somewhere. I have enough money to retire."

"Go off the radar and leave peacefully." Yoongi imagined what it would be like.

"Yeah."

"But would you still come back?"

"Of cause."

"Great." The younger man smirked. "That seems like a cool plan."

"Thanks, Yoongi."

 

Before leaving Hoseok walked up to Wonshik. "Hyung, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, of cause. What is it?" He asked with a light smile.

Hoseok was anxious. He wasn't sure if it was that good of an idea like he thought earlier. "Me and my friend, the one which whom I wish to start a business with, need some help. I know you finished uni with the knowledge of laws and businesses... We... Would like to meet up with you to discuss about what's the right way to go about it."

"Sure, Hoseok. Whenever you two will be free just call me up. On Monday I'm picking Taekwoon up from the airport though. And we'll spend that and the next day together. So after that."

"Thank you, hyung. You'll help out so much. Of cause, we won't just use you. We can pay for your time. It is business. It'd be unfair."

"We can discuss that later. Talk with your friend to decide on the right time and we can schedule a meeting together."

 

"Yoongi, how have you been?" Vasco asked his ex partner when they were standing further from the others.

"I'm good. I was completely messed up at first. I didn't understand what to do without orders." He didn't sugarcoat his truth. "But I started therapy that focused on trauma. I was convinced I'll never be able to have sex again. That's false. Shit, it can feel good." He added widening his eyes remembering what Hoseok can do and how he makes him feel. "But that's not the point. I can trust and open up. The winter was really difficult, I can't lie. I wanted to kill myself plenty of times. I kept reminding Hoseok that I'm not worth his love. I was so paranoid. Yet he stayed. He took care of me even when I was a dick. I'm happy. I know I'll be depressed again, but that is okay. I think I can deal with it. I think, I hope it will be easier to manage as time goes by."

"That's amazing. I feel like shit for the way I treated you. I really am sorry."

"You're I'll too. Addicted. So I am. We were to fight against our cravings. But how are you? You seem much better, but we both know how deceiving looks can be."

"You look much better yourself. I doing quite alright. I hadn't had a relapse, which is what I fear the most. I definitely am not thinking of searching for a partner any time soon. I need to be sure I can control myself."

"I won't lie, it was hell when we were together. The last years."

"Yeah. That's for sure."

"But we can both grow into stronger people."

"It's awesome to see you so positive."

"It's awesome to be like this." He grined. "I could have never done it alone though."

"I can imagine." Vasco noticed Hoseok intense stare at him. "Your boyfriend hates me."

Yoongi turned at Hoseok and smiled reassuring his safety. "He has a reason. He loves me. He saw me at my worst and he wishes the best for me." The younger didn't stop watching them.

"I think he's about to burn through my skull."

Yoongi chuckled. "Honestly, I wouldn't be shocked." Soon he felt the familiar delicate fingers on his waist and soft lips kiss the back of his neck. "Seok-Seok, we were just talking about you."

"And about how much you despise me."

"Can you blame me?" Hoseok answered without rethinking his words.

"No, I can't."

"Hoseok, don't be so harsh on him."

"I'm sorry hyung, I'm still bitter. And worried for you."

"I'll be fine." Yoongi rolled his eyes. "You're currently being overprotective. We're simply having a civilized conversation."

"Okay, love. I'll be here for you." He kissed the older on the cheek and walked over towards Wonshik and Jay with a serious glare at Vasco.

"Anyways, Jay has your car, hyung."

  
-

  
Everything had seemed to go so wonderfully. Hoseok and Jeongguk had been going forward with the plan for the studio, Yoongi seemed happy, the paperwork for the club was finished and signed, they all have agreed on their work, Yoongi spent more and more time practicing with the piano, composing for his friends. Even though it was winter, all aspects of life appeared well.

Until when one Thursday evening Hoseok returned home after working from the library. Yoongi sloppily rushed down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Seok-Seok, I'm so fucking sorry." His voice sounded off. Like Yoongi has been taking something. "I'm so sorry, baby, my love..." Tears gathered in his eyes. He started wiping his eyes and Hoseok noticed a plastic bottle in his grip. The younger took it and almost screamed in fear, cold sweat washed over his body. The bottle of sleeping pills, that was recently bought, was empty and Yoongi seemed like he was in the clouds. "I'm so sorry, Hoseokie... I didn't mean to act upon the impulse." Hiccup sobs jumped out his heaving chest. "I'm sorry..." He cried out.

Without a word Hoseok pulled Yoongi out from the house, quickly locked the door and they got in the car. Hoseok went over the speed limit to reach the hospital in time. "Don't fall asleep!" He said in a breaking shout. "Don't you dare." He tried to not let his anxiety make him cry because he still needed to see the road and focus as Yoongi, who was blinking tiredly beside him.

"I just want to take a nap..." He took in a deep breath.

"No! Not until the doctor says it's okay." He had to stop at the red light and he punched the steering wheel. "Fucking hell." He cursed through gritted teeth. "Hurry." He kept beeping until he saw green and flew off the road again. "We'll be right there, hyung. Open your eyes. Look outside or whatever. Stay awake!" He finally reached the hospital and dragged Yoongi inside the building, almost carrying him. He saw a nurse. "Hey, hey, excuse me, he chugged down a bottle of sleeping pills. Please." He begged not being able to fight his tears as Yoongi was slowly passing out in his arms. "Please help, he can't die." The nurse instantly found a doctor and Yoongi was taken to the ER in no time. Another nurse was trying to hold back Hoseok from following. "Take care of him." He allowed himself to cry. "Please... He can't die..."

"The doctor's will do their best. Sir, calm down. You need to relax."

"I'm sorry... I should have noticed..." His shoulders were quivering as he fell to the wall and slid down it onto the floor. "Please, hyung..."

Once he was able to calm down (more or less), he just began pacing in the corridor until the nurse he called up at first when they arrived went up to him. "He's asleep, but he'll be fine."

"Thank the heavens... And you. Thank you." He finally took in a breath of relief.

"Will you stay here until he wakes up?"

"Yes, yes. Can I go to his room?"

"First we need you to fill up his papers."

"Of cause."

  
Hoseok was sitting in the chair next to Yoongi's bed for hours simply staring at the older man. Flinching at every tiny movement. At long last, around sunrise, the elder opened his eyes. He jumped up and took Yoongi's hand.

"Hey, hyung. Good morning." Tears started streaming down his face again from his already puffy and reddened eyes.

The moment Yoongi saw his boyfriend so broken he closed his eyes. "I'm an idiot... It was so dumb... I feel terrible for doing this."

"Look at me." Hoseok asked with a weak whisper. Yoongi complied fearfully. "I'm just glad you're alive. It's the first time I realised I could have lost you..." He hugged Yoongi as much as the situation allowed and broke down. "I apologise... Please forgive me, hyung... I wasn't able to keep my- my prom-ise... I didn't notice how bad it got... Until it was almost too late." Yoongi was laying disappointed and infuriated with himself feeling tears on his neck. It was his fault he broke a sunshine personality like Hoseok's. "I promised to protect you."

"It's my fault... You have what to worry about." He murmured.

Hoseok pulled back and took in all the signs of Yoongi being alive and the corners of his lips curled up unconsciously. He moved the other's hair out of his face. "Why? What led you to this decision?"

Yoongi couldn't take Hoseok nervous gaze so he looked at the wall. "I just felt so fucking overwhelmed... I decided to take a pill... And I couldn't stop. I'm ashamed... It's so incredibly stupid."

"Why didn't you tell me or your therapist?" He noticed the guilty lip bite. "What happened with the therapy?"

"I... Haven't been to therapy in over three months."

"What? Why? Where the hell were you going to all this time? I thought you wanted to get better." Hoseok tried his best to not yell and to give Yoongi time to explain.

"I believed I was getting better, but I was only suppressing my stress and emotions..." He moved his gaze away in embarrassment.

"What happened, love?" His voice was soft, warm... Safe. Like a security blanket.

"I'm in so much fucking pain, Hoseok..." He started crying. "Depression sucks so bad... I didn't want to bother you and- that bottle was just sitting there... Taunting me. After ten minutes of staring I- gave in."

"Hyung... My beautiful hyung... Please... Talk to me when you feel like this..." He kissed Yoongi's knuckles. "Can you tell me where you'd go during your therapy hours?"

"Mostly to the park or the river. Perhaps to a cafe. Anywhere quiet." Tears were still washing Hoseok's face like a silent storm. His eyes were still red.

"Don't leave me... I beg you."

"I didn't mean to... I-" he took a deep breath. "I want to sign in into a psych ward for awhile. To get better. "

"Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea." He wiped off the rivers from his cheeks. "People could protect you there well. Professionals."

"Yes. When I'll get checked out I want to quit my job as a professor."

"Okay. You make much more from the club anyway."

"It's our money, Seok." He repeated himself for not the first time in a few months. "If the insurance won't cover it, then there will be enough." He blinked lazily. "I'm so sleepy. Baby, could you call up the doctor? I want to talk to him and go to sleep."

"Of cause, love." He gave Yoongi a short sweet peck on the cheek and left the room. Soon he came back with the doctor, whose facial features were very cat like, as Yoongi was lazily staring at the ceiling.

"Mr Min, good morning. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. More than usual."

"Well, those were sleeping pills. Have you noticed any pain after waking up?"

"No."

"I heard you wish to get a treatment while staying in a psych ward, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is true."

"We can move you tomorrow."

"Thank you, that be great."

"Could your friend get your things or will you need to return home?"

"I'll get them, he can rest, right, hyung?" Hoseok answered.

"Yeah, he'll get it."

"Great."

They talked a bit more with Dr Kim and the boyfriends were left alone. Yoongi faced the younger and raised his eyebrow. "Friend?"

"Well, do expect me risking the doctor mistreating you if he was to be homophobic? I'm not risking it, hyung."

"He looked like he wouldn't mind sucking some dick."

"You're not the gay whisperer."

"I know." He chuckled sleepily. "Is it okay if I take a nap?" He asked scared of Hoseok finally loosing it.

"Of cause it's okay. You deserve it. You just went through so much."

"You too."

"I'm just here as an audience. Before you drift off, are you hungry?"

"No."

"Okay then." He kissed him on the forehead. "I'll be right here for you."

"Go eat or take some fresh air."

"I'm not hungry and this is Seoul, there is no fresh air."

"Don't talk back to me. Go eat. Maybe meet up a friend."

"No. I won't leave you."

"Go. You could stop back home on the way."

"Fine." He groaned. "But I'll soon come back." He crossed his arms.

"Of cause you will. You always do." He turned on his side and closed his eyes.

-

"Why are you so anxious this morning?" Namjoon asked.

"It's all because of my boyfriend. Whenever he feels horrible he tells me to leave. I love him, but he needs to stop fucking doing it... But I can't be angry... He's so honest with me for the most part." He pouted while moving the food around with his chopsticks.

"What happened?"

Hoseok sighed. "You can't tell anyone about what it I'll tell you." He looked Namjoon dead in the eyes.

"I won't."

"Promise me, Joon." He sounded almost scary when under pressure.

"I promise." Namjoon nodded with a reassuring warm smile.

"He's... He's in the hospital."

"Oh no! What happened?" He was genuinely worried, he liked the older man.

"He almost killed himself last night." Saying those words out loud for the first time brought tears to Hoseok's eyes and they ran down his face. "I love him so much. I care for him so fucking much... And I didn't notice the signs..." He covered his face with his hands.

"Hobi hyung, that's not your fault. And I'm sure he'll get better. He wouldn't leave you like this."

"He's in so much pain and it's so unfair. He's so great. So damn strong... And yet he still has to battle."

"I don't know how he or you feel. I can only imagine. Imagine the worry if Seokjin was ill. I think all you can do is be there for him, support him. And I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you." He wiped off his tears. "I wish I could do more. I would never forgive myself if I'm ever too late."

"You won't be. Hopefully, you'll never need to stress about it again."

"I don't think it will ever leave my mind." His breath became heavier and he could feel his heartbeat pound inside his chest, his hands started to shake and felt numb. "I- fuck- I think I'm having a panic attack..." He whispered.

"Do you want us to leave?"

"No, no. I just need to calm down." Hoseok tried his best to steady his breath. He reaches out his hand for Namjoon to hold it. "Give me a couple of minutes." He closed his eyes and began counting. After awhile he was composed enough too carry on with the day. "I just... I'm scared. To loose him. He doesn't deserve this shitfest."

"Of cause he doesn't. Neither do you."

"It's not about me-"

"It affects you too." Namjoon cut him off. "You don't always have to play the hero, Hobi hyung. You get hurt too. That's simply human."

Hoseok sighed. "You and your philosophies... Always trying to be wise yet compassionate... That's one of my favourite qualities about you, Joon. Even when it's annoying at times."

"Do you... Want to tell me why he did it?"

"No. It's not for me to share such information. But thank you for always being there for me."

"You do the same for me."

 

  
Hoseok was making his way down the hall of the hospital, trying to keep himself from falling apart. He had to be strong for Yoongi, for both of them. He took one hand out of his pocket to open the door and to witness a disturbing view. He started feeling nauseous. Yoongi was weakly sitting in his bed and stabbing his arms repeatedly with the needle, which was previously in his arm, sending medicine through his veins. Blood dots and rivers were all over his arm. Hoseok took a deep breath and signaled at Dr Kim, who for his convince was near, for help and ran towards his boyfriend.

"Love, stop." He begged in a breaking voice. Yoongi flinched startled and the last stab went deep into his forearm and the older groaned from the sting. "Let go off it. Now." He almost sounded threatening so Yoongi listened and dropped the item on the floor. He was staring at the younger man with wide eyes, that seemed empty. Unlike Hoseok's. They were full of escaping tears, yet again that same day, and anger, sadness. The doctor entered the room and quickly fixed the tiny wounds while asking him a few questions. Yoongi and Hoseok kept glancing at each other, trying to read the other's emotions, state. Yoongi was terrified that it was finally the end. The line has been crossed and stepped on too many times.

"Do I need to find a nurse to keep an eye on you?" The medical professional asked.

"I'll watch over him." Hoseok answered crossing his arms and a stone clod expression. "We should have a little chat anyways."

The doctor examined Hoseok's stance and confirmed to himself it will be safe. "Alright. Call if anything happens again."

"Of cause, thank you." Hoseok nodded and sat down in the chair as the other man left the couple alone in the awkward silence and difficult unsaid words, that could have harmed them both. "Why?" A firm and annoyed voice asked after a few moments.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled incoherently. Barely for the other to hear.

"Why, hyung?"

"I hate myself... I haven't vented out my struggles for quite some time. I feel done. I need to punish myself."

"Why didn't you tell me anything? I was always there for you. **Always**." He sounded incredibly frustrated. "You know you can tell me anything, but **no!** You just swallow those fucking pills and avoid me. Why aren't I fucking good enough to support you? To notice this crack and breaking? Why can't I protect you?" When the tears began streaming down Hoseok's face again Yoongi realised that the younger was blaming and was enraged at himself. That made him guilty and disgusted with himself even more.

"It has nothing to do with you... It's all me... I'm a mess and I just wanted to escape the pain. I didn't even consider hurting you... Please... Forgive me..." He broke down burying his face in his hands and his shoulders were quivering. Hoseok was mad at himself for forcing Yoongi in this position. He stood up up and sat down next to the older on the bed wrapping his arms around him and pulling into a safe hug. "I'm just a burden... You should leave... Or else I might bring you down with me. I don't want to ruin you... It's only fair if I destroy myself." He opened up while crying into Hoseok's chest, a familiar hold. Protective hold.

"Okay, stop, baby. Don't speak like that. I understand you feel like this. You're experiencing horrible things, but I beg you, don't shut me out. You will persevere, prevail. I'm here for you. Never doubt my loyalty to you. You are not a bother. You are valuable and important. Seeing you like this does scare the shit out of me. I'm terrified of loose the love of my life."

Yoongi looked up hesitantly and saw the loving and supportive eyes. The warm dimply smile. "I'm sorry... You don't deserve the bullshit I put you through. I make you go through all this... Unnecessary stress. I fuck around with your anxiety... How do you feel?" He asked worried.

"I did have a panic attack during breakfast." He confessed unsure if he should tell Yoongi that during such a hardship, a huge obstacle.

"It's my fault. Fuck... I'm a fuck up. I promise... I will suck it up. I will go to the impatient and get better. For you. For us."

"Just do it for the sake of getting better." He kissed Yoongi on the lips gently. "I miss a genuine smile shining on your face. I hope to see it soon on my happy and brave, strong... Soulmate."

He couldn't help when the corners of his lips curled up from hearing the last word. "It's working already, sunshine."

"That's all I can wish for." He ended up yawning.

"You're tired." He ran his fingers through Hoseok's hair as the younger rested his head on his shoulder.

"I didn't sleep at night, that's all. I was too worried to. I also used up my energy on trying not to cry. Even though I failed. I was failing for hours really..." He made a lopsided smirk.

"I meant you're tired of this. It's a mess. I know. I can't apologise enough... But I'll try. Try to fix it while I'll be away."

"Don't say it like that... Please... This is terrifying me. They're gonna take good care of you. The one I can't seem provide enough. They know what to do. How to help you heal. I'll visit you daily."

"You don't have too. You really earned a wonderful rest, a break from the madness that I summon."

"I don't mind it. I only mind your suffering. I wish I could end it, but I also know that you are the one who has to do the hard work. I can only support you. Encourage you... Take you to the damn hospital."

"Sunshine... I'm sorry I do this. I fucking hate myself for it."

"No, no, no. No hate. I beg you, Yoongi hyung. This word is too dangerous now. Or ever." He took the other's hand and intertwined their fingers together.

"Sometimes I just can't fight..." He sighed. "I do love you. I would die for you."

"I would also, but would you live for me?" He locked gazes with Yoongi, who seemed lost and flustered.  
  
"Fuck... I- I didn't consider... Yes, yes. Give me one more chance."

"Well... A failed chance might not give you the possibly to start over. Keep that in mind." They stayed in silence for a while until Hoseok decided that the plan he's been going over in his head since he took Yoongi to the ER was worth trying. "I want to make a suicide pact with you."

"What?!" He jumped startled. "No! I don't want you to die."

"That's the point. If one of us wants to do that they can't do it alone. It could prevent the tragedy."

"Fucking hell..." He rubber his forehead nervously. "Fine. Fuck- fine. I guess it has come to such a desperate solution." They shook hands and then Hoseok kissed Yoongi's knuckles.

"Watch it, Mr Min. I'm not kidding about this deal. I'd seriously do it."

"That's what frightens and motivates me the most."

"That's the plan, my love. A desperate plan." He didn't try to hide that he was tired from it. Yoongi knew and understood. It hurt the younger to witness event as the previous night. He did feel burned out.

"Can you sleep with me here?"

"I don't think I am allowed."

"I don't give a fuck. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. While I still can."

"Okay, hyung." He said with a ghostly breath against Yoongi's neck as they laid down in the bed.

  
-

  
"Hey, love." Hoseok walked into Yoongi's room. The elder was journalling while sitting on his bed as he lift his gaze up after a few minutes to finish his thought. A soft smile appeared on his face. He has been there for four weeks, but Hoseok couldn't come over for the last few days because Yoongi's depression has gotten more severe. He had psychosis and almost killed himself a couple of times by accident. And one on purpose. Hoseok's contained himself and took deep and steady breaths when he saw a bandage wrapped around Yoongi's neck. All he heard was that there was blood, which made him have a horrible panic attack back home. All day later was a torture and the next day he had to take a day off of work. He also, without explanation cancelled a meeting with Wonshik and Jeongguk. After hearing the news from the young dancer, Namjoon rushed to his house to keep his friend as calm as possible. Hoseok didn't tell him anything about the situation. He just cried out his worry and hurt while mumbling over and over again how much he loves Yoongi. Hoseok tried his best to not stare at the covered wound as he smiled and sat down next to the blankly staring boyfriend.

"Seok-Seok... That's my nickname for ya, isn't it?" He asked in a cheerful tone despite his eyes seeming empty. The workers have warned the younger guy that he's not fully back.

"Yes, hyung. That it." His voice was calm and full of love. Even though he wanted to scream.

"Yay!" He grined brightly showing his gums. "How was your day, Seok-Seok?"

"I went to work and had a meeting that I missed another day?"

"With who?" He tilted his head with a questioning expression. Making him look so innocent and precious.

"Wonshik and Jeongguk."

"Oh... Yes, I remember them. Wonshik helped me so much." He talked as if telling a tail while nodding.

"He did." Hoseok reached out his hand and waited awhile and Yoongi placed his there. He rubbed his thumb over bruised knuckles. He also heard that Yoongi was punching the wall the prior day angrily. "How are you feeling? What have you been doing?"

"I cut my neck three days ago... Or four? Ugh!" He pouted out of frustration for a poor memory. "Whatever. My sheets was all red." Hoseok gulped to suppress his raging anxiety. He knew Yoongi didn't want to force the panic. He understood that the elder was simply... lost. "I was writing in the notebook a lot. The doctor said it will help me. I think I fought someone two days ago." He truly did. Hoseok was informed. "I did some things that they didn't let me and so they gave me some medicine so I would go to sleep." His eyes were full of adventurous spirit even though it was clouded by the grey of his mind. "How are our friends?"

"They're doing great. Yet they miss you and can't wait to see you again. They asked me to wish you best." Hoseok, with Yoongi's approval, has told the group that Yoongi is in an impatient for depression.

"They're so nice." He snickered cutely.

"They are. We all really care about you." He said without letting his dimply smile drop.

"I can't wait to see them again. I'll leave. I'll leave this place and come back to you, Seok-Seok."

"I'd love that."

Yoongi blushed. "They said that I will have to be here for at least a month though." He sighed.

"That's okay. It's for your own safety."

"I know. I understand I'm doing bad things."

"It's not that they're bad-"

"I'm scaring you. That's very bad. I'm disappointing you. That's terrible."

"You're doing your best. That's all I can ever ask of you."

"My mind is urging me to tell you something."

"What is it, dear?"

"I love you and thank you." He kissed the younger in a tender way. He could feel that Yoongi's lips were trembling lightly. It was the worst Hoseok has seen him. He also noticed similarities in Yoongi's behavior to a child. A limited vocabulary, pouty, the need for approval from mature people he's close to, feeling guilty for "misbehaving".

"I love you too. You're welcome, my darling."

"I won't act out anymore... My hope."

"I really hope so." Hoseok kissed Yoongi's knuckles and the older man smiled at the familiar gesture. The pleasant memory.

"I can do this." He whispered.

"Yes. You can."

-

When Hoseok returned home he got a phone call. He lazily and carelessly picked it up without caring and answered while dropping on the couch. "Hey." He sighed tiredly.

"Hey, Hobi hyung. Are you home?" Namjoon asked on the other end.

"Yeah."

"How are you?"

"Good." His voice sounded empty. Drained.

"How is he?"

"Better than the last time I saw him. He must have worn out during those few days."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don't worry. I just had a long day."

"Don't forget to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Hyung."

"I'd rather go to sleep. I can eat tomorrow. I need to rest before I go see him tomorrow and I still have work."

"Don't overwork yourself."

"I don't do that. I have to stay alert and healthy. I have to be able to support my boyfriend in this dark time."

"You're a wonderful person, Hobi hyung."

"So are you. You're an amazing friend. Always have been." He stood up and began walking up the stairs. "Alright, I'm exhausted. Talk to you later."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He dropped the phone on the chair as he entered the bedroom and undressed, not even considering a shower. He laid down and was staring at the empty place next to him until he fell asleep.

-

He was the polite and cheerful employee in work until the clock showed six and he rushed out. On his way to the bus stop he ran into Hyuna.

"Hi." She smiled at him. "You look tired and worried."

"Hi. I'm on my way to him now." She nodded understandingly. "It's all fine though."

"Could I come with?"

"What? Are you sure?" He considered Yoongi's previous psychic episode. "Noona, I don't know if he's well enough."

"We always got along great. We had this special friendship of being open with each other for years. Perhaps... It's okay if I tag along? I really miss him."

"Okay." He agreed.

"We can take my car."

On the ride he noticed how restless Hoseok was. "What happened, Hoseok? Did he do something? If he did, I would appreciate a warning."

"He injured himself recently. He had a psychic episode."

"Poor, oppa. Depression is being such a bitch to him."

"It's his neck."

She gasped. "Fuck. I hope he's better now."

"Better than in the begging. He was so scared and lost. He told me he would cry himself to sleep." He took a few deep breaths.

"Why did he end up there."

"He overdosed and was still incredibly suicidal. So he took the safe route."

"That man doesn't deserve this. He was always such a great guy. He was this way since middle school from how long I've known him. I tend to built up a connection this strong only with fantastic people like him." She said turning into the parking lot.

"Wait... He mentioned he had a girlfriend with whom he had a strong platonic connection..." Hyuna nodded with a smirk while looking for a spot. "It's you?!"

"I'm surprised you didn't know."

"We talked about exes, but not their names." He thought for a few seconds as she parked the Tesla. "How much do you know about his relationship with Vasco."

"He wasn't happy for at least the second half of the relationship. Vasco was mean when drunk and both didn't communicate too well." She unbuckled the seatbelt. "But you know that too. Perhaps more. Because he just kept reminding me that Vasco is a good person."

"I know. You're right."

"Well, let's go see him now."

"Yeah. Let's go." He left the car.

When they entered the room they noticed that there was only a plaster along Yoongi's neck, over the pulse. A long scary stripe. The elder smiled widely and went over to hug them both, kiss Hoseok on the cheek. Leaving the journal behind on the bed. "Hi. I didn't expect to see you, Hyuna, but I'm glad to."

"Hi, oppa. I missed you too much and just happen to run into Hoseok."

"You look better, hyung." Hoseok stated. "Do you remember everything?"

"Yes, Seok-Seok. I kinda wish I wouldn't. The thoughts just make me feel guilty."

"No, no, hyung. You don't feel like that. You're great and safe here. Soon we can come back home together."

"Yeah. I can't wait for that. I miss falling asleep next to you."

"Me too, love. That bed is just too big for one."

''I'll do my best to change that." He turned at Hyuna. "Tell me, how have you been? How's the outside world?" He chuckled.

-

The long awaited day has arrived. The bright and sunny Sunday morning has come after those two long months. Yoongi and Hoseok were walking towards the car to finally go back home. Neither of them could hide their joy and nervousness. They were so excited to be together again, but they were afraid of what might have changed between them. They were going in silence and Yoongi finally broke it only after they reached the car and sat in. "Even though you would visit daily it was still so lonely without you. Especially at night."

"It was lonely back at the house too. It's just a house, not a home when you're not there."

"I missed you so fucking much, sunshine." He leaned closer to connect their lips hungrily and kiss his boyfriend properly. The way he couldn't have in so long. He ended up climbing in Hoseok's lap unexpectedly gracefully. He tilted his head, licked Hoseok's bottom lip and began exploring the missed mouth. The kiss was deep, messy and hot. "Seokie..." He moaned into Hoseok's mouth, not releasing the younger. His hands were running up and down the other's side. Just like Hoseok's. One hand laced through Hoseok's hair. "I won't leave you anymore, baby."

Hoseok pulled Yoongi's hips closer. "Hyung... My hyung..." He moved his lips to Yoongi's jaw and didn't went lover. After a few seconds Yoongi backed away.

"Are you afraid of the scar?"

"Yes." He answered truthfully.

"Don't be. If it makes you uncomfortable then ignore that area. But it doesn't hurt. You won't harm me." Hoseok was simply looking at him for awhile and then gently trailed kisses down the still pink scar.

When Hoseok pulled away he saw a tear running down Yoongi's cheek. He wiped it off with his thumbed and continued to hold Yoongi's face in his hand. "What's wrong, love?"

"I'm sorry for what I have put you through."

"You're in pain. I don't blame you."

"But I made the dangerous choices. I hurt you... I disappointed you."

"Yoongi hyung... Don't feel guilty. I'm just happy your here now. Alive. With me. Stronger than ever."

"You think too high of me."

"I disagree. I think you don't give yourself enough credit. You're magnificent..." He collided their lips once more. "I love you." He was holding the older one like he didn't intend to ever let him go as their tongues danced together. Moments later they broke the collision breathless and simply gazed at each other lost and drunk on each other's love and passion. "I was so terrified I would loose you when they didn't allow me to visit you... I was horrified to learn what happened."

"I really didn't understand what was happening or what I was doing."

"It's okay if you have battle scars, as long as you come out of the war alive." He kissed the older again. "We can take a nice and calm day today. We could cook some beef bulgogi. Would you like that, hyung?"

"Yeah." He returned to his seat. "Can we swing by uni?"

"Why?"

"I promised my no longer boss to have a talk. It will be quick."

"Do you feel well enough to do so?"

"Yeah. I'll be alright." He assured the younger as he buckled his seatbelt.

"Okay then."

 

Once Yoongi returned to the car after meeting up with his former employer he didn't say anything and just put on the seatbelt. The metal clicked as Hoseok was backing up. When they were on the road again the younger spoke up. "You were there for give or take forty minutes, do you want to talk about anything?"

"No. Everything went fine. He's a good man. Understanding. He offered me to stay and reminded what a big honor for the family it is if I'm a professor, but I couldn't accept. I can't do that anymore." He glanced out the window. "It's not for me at this point. A professor must have a sharp mind and notice all that's happening around. I can't focus as much."

"That's okay, hyung. Especially, since you're still employed."

"Yeah." He faced Hoseok and smiled. "I miss home. Being there with you. Cuddling with you to sleep at night."

"We'll be there soon."

 

At home they put Yoongi's stuff away, quickly washed up, Hoseok massaged the shampoo into Yoongi's skull the way was always calming for the older, then they fixed up the planned lunch and Hoseok shared the progress of his and Jeongguk's business, mentioned the situation at the club and told that despite the others missing him, they would understand if Yoongi wouldn't show up right away and take his time.

 

After lunch Hoseok collected the plates. "Hyung, do you want to go play the piano?"

"It has been awhile... I miss it." Yoongi answered dazed with the memory of the feeling of the keys and the sound of the melodies.

"I'll clean up. Go relax, love."

"Thanks." He kissed his boyfriend on the cheek and went up the stairs to his office. Hoseok soon heard peaceful compositions echoing behind closed doors on the second floor.

About an hour later the doorbell rang. Yoongi's playing ended in an instant. Hoseok cursed in his head for someone interrupting an important moment as that. He walked over to get the door only to be surprised.

"Hobi hyung, thank the heavens you're fine. Why weren't you answering my calls? I've been worried sick that something happened."

"Joon... What the fuck?" He whispered. "I picked him up today. He's... Resting."

"Oh, sorry. I was just nervous." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"Whatever. Everything's fine." He heard a wood board crack and turned around. They saw Yoongi at the top of the stairs.

"Hello."

"Hi, Yoongi hyung." Namjoon smiled at him.

"Seok-Seok, why aren't inviting the guest inside?"

"Weren't you resting?"

"I'm fine. Let your friend in." He assured. The youngest walked in as Yoongi went down the stairs. "It's great to see you again, Namjoon. It has surely been a while. Let's go to the living room." As he was behind Namjoon he whispered to Hoseok's ear. "Why would you just keep him waiting outside?"

"I thought you'd like to have a day of peace and quiet."

"I'm okay today."

They sat down around the table, Hoseok brought some tea and coffee and they started off by talking about Hoseok and Jeongguk's business. Then Namjoon spoke about himself. Later he turned at Yoongi and asked. "So... How have you been?"

"My answer depends on how much Hoseok has told you."

"You were in a hospital for the past two months because... You attempted... Um-"

"I'm much much better. I don't really think about it that often. It's all passive. And.. I have a major reason to hold on."

"Can I ask why?"

Yoongi and Hoseok glanced at each other. Hoseok nodded, informing it's okay if Yoongi wants to say it. The elder sighed. "We made a suicide pact."

Namjoon's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "That's so dangerous."

"But effective." Hoseok said.

"Yeah, well, I also have some meds and I'm thinking of seeing my therapist again."

"You both are brave."

"I'll do anything for him."

"I would prefer you to live." Yoongi stated.

"I would prefer us both living."

"Aren't you terrified to die?" Namjoon asked.

"First, I offered it when I thought that it will be the only way for there to be a chance for Yoongi to keep going. Second, I don't regret it and I won't take it back."

"That is what scares me the most. Your determination towards this idea."

"A promise."

"Fuck, Hoseokie... I can't even begin to repay you for your love."

"Just live, hyung. And I'll try my very best to help you reach happiness." He kissed a flustered Yoongi on the cheek. "I won't ever break that promise."

Yoongi chuckled. "You're embarrassing, stop." For that Hoseok kissed him again and the older wasn't able to mask his gummy grin and laughed brighter. "I am happy. So damn happy to be lucky to have you in my life." He took Hoseok's hand. "I truly mean it." Namjoon smiled at the warm affection.

-

Everyone was at the club that day. Even Vasco. Yoongi examined the room peaceful, exhaled a long puff and snickered quietly. "So, I suppose it's my turn to tell my story."

"We won't force you, hyung." Jay said.

He took in another puff. "I spent two months in the psych ward because I tried to take my own life." A few people gasped. Others hummed thoughtfully. "I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. That means I get depressed during a certain season. For me it's winter. You probably noticed I get... Grumpy. Anyways, I had some unresolved issues already and I have stopped seeing my therapist a few months prior to my attempt. My first attempt actually. They put me in the mental hospital. If not for Hoseok's quick and rational actions I wouldn't have even had the chance to. So about a month in I had a psychotic episode. I won't talk about that. It's way to graphic. During it I had my second attempt." He pointed at the vertical scar going down his pulse on the neck. "I did get better, I have already made an appointment with my therapist. I'll have a check up in two weeks. I am ready and motivated to avoid the couple last months from ever happening again."

"Thank you for sharing this with us." Changkyun spoke up. "That was inspiring."

"We will help you whenever you'd like us to. Even if you simply wish to talk out." Taekwoon added.

"Thank you." Yoongi smiled. "You're all incredible." He turned at Hoseok. "Seok-Seok, I don't know if you really want to deal with me for the rest of our lives. Yet I know I love you more than life, which I am willing to fight for to have you there. You have helped me more than I could have asked or hoped for. You always manage to lift my mood up. Sunshine..." He pulled out a ring from his pocket. "Will you marry me?"

The younger boyfriend was watching him with eyes wide, cheeks red and mouth ajar. Others were following his reaction in awe and surprise. Hoseok blinked am few time and smiled brighter than ever before. "Of cause, love." He hugged Yoongi tightly and kissed him as passionately as he possibly could. "Of cause I'll marry you, hyung. I can't imagine my life without you." People cheered as Yoongi slid the ring on Hoseok's finger and they collided their lips again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Hopefully the last chapter being as long as the previous 8 chapters makes up for my absence.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to share your opinion on this fic.


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